Cougars Everywhere Are Unleashing Their Power

Every woman, whether she realizes it or not, has a Real Cougar just waiting to be unleashed. Living your life as a smart, sexy, independent woman is the best gift you can give yourself. So get over listening to what other people think you should do and start living the life you deserve. This is the time to let go of your preconceived notions about aging, about sexuality, about beauty, about money about relationships and give yourself permission to explore all of your possibilities.    

I am well aware that too many people still believe that a “cougar” is a derogatory label used to describe older women who chase after younger men. Nothing could be further from the truth. A Real Cougar, a term I coined in 2007, is any woman over 40 who is turned on and excited about life. A Real Cougar stands alone and refuses to be defined by her choice in men. This fabulous female is changing the role of women today and will continue to do so for many years to come.

Achieving the rank of Real Cougar is a privilege, never an embarrassment. You have worked hard to earn your stripes, so be proud to revel in your accomplishments. For far too long, women over 40 have been pushed to the sidelines. You are mothers, business executives, entrepreneurs and teachers. You area million things, but not the complete woman you have always wanted to be.

The power to be everything you want to be is in your hands.  What are you waiting for? 

Temper In The Workplace - A Male Privilege?

It's pretty common to see men lose their temper at work and get away with it, but if a woman does it she's called crazy, out-of-control or a total bitch. Anger at the office is is another example of how unfair the double standard really is.  

A new book claims that angry men will earn a higher salary, get a better job and be more successful than bad-tempered women. And female workers are more tolerant of men who behave badly than they are of women. Anger appears to remain a male privilege.

It's crazy but if a man apologizes for losing his temper, it actually works against him.  If a woman makes an apology it can help her.

I admit I have been guilty of letting go more than a few cuss words at work.  Having run a Wall Street trading department it came with the territory.  But in my defense, I was always respectful of other people and never ranted just because I was in a higher position.  

Disraeli said 'a person's fate is their own temper.  That's something for all of us to think about.

Cougar Women Held To Higher Standards

Over the years, as a parade of powerful male figures (mostly politicians),have been caught with women who were usually younger and always less powerful than they, the question has often been raised: Why don’t women gamble their political and personal futures like this? Is it because powerful women don’t cheat? Or is it just that they don’t get caught? Is it because the May-December equation sizzles only when he’s December? Or because there are not yet enough women out there yet with real clout?

At first blush, it almost feels appropriate to cheer. In this moment when the culture seems to be flirting with a change in the balance of power between the sexes. Yet any attempt to paint these similarities as a perverse sort of victory — women are every bit as unfaithful and hypocritical as men! — quickly runs up against the more important differences. There is much stricter standards, more rigid labels and stereotyped judgments we apply to women.

It is a familiar tendency, reducing women to archetypes with little room for gray. Harlot or heroine. Pushover or pushy. We take a binary view of most stories of sex and power, whether the woman is the villain or the victim.

We accept complexity in male leaders far more readily than we accept it in women — perhaps because we have fewer examples to draw from. 

Cougars Getting Help Finding Jobs

I don't have to tell you that times are tough. This recession has delivered a severe blow to household incomes all over the country.  Today women who have not been employed in a long time have no choice but to return to the workforce. Many of these women are the Real Cougars in our community.  I have talked to many of them and they are nervous. They want to work but also want flexible work hours. They have found that can be a daunting task.

To try and find some answers I spoke with Allison O'Kelly, CEO of Mom Corps.  Her company offers full service staffing in Atlanta, Boston, Charlotte, New York and Washington.  They also offer franchising  opportunities to select markets throughout the United States.What's really great is Allison's specialty is finding jobs for women that offer flexible hours.

Here's how it works. Mom Corps supply companies top-tier, professionals “on demand”, while enabling their candidates seeking flexibility to pursue their professional careers. With Mom Corps, companies have immediate access to top talent. Once registered, candidates can search and apply directly to active jobs, access resume writing services, attend Mom Corps University workshops, and find tips, articles, and information on their “MOM-ents” blog to help them transition back into the workforce or into a new role.

Employers post jobs, search candidates, view resumes matching their criteria, and invite top candidates to apply directly to their job. In addition to offering employers access to candidates through the online Job Board, Mom Corps also performs contingent searches for clients.

So, if you are a Real Cougar looking for work, go take a look around Mom Corps.website. They have helped a lot of women and chances are they can help you too.

Married Women Having More Afffairs

Men find it incredibly difficult to forgive and forget if their wife has cheated on them.  If you confess your indiscretion the explosion of grief and anger will probably be worse than you imagine.  

While infidelity has traditionally been regarded as a masculine trait, an increasing number of women are cheating on their husbands. Financial equality plus more time spent at work are fueling this role reversal.

It wasn't so long ago that women would  have felt obliged to stick at an ailing marriage, these days they don't feel so compelled to stay. 

A surge in power may have propelled women to be unfaithful but the male attitude isn't changing quite so fast.  For a betrayed man, it's a slight against his manhood. It goes right to the core of his identity. For men, the sexual component of their wife's affair is very important - they are more concerned about the sexual aspect than if their wife loved the man she slept with.

'I don't think a woman's reason for having an affiar is that different from a man's -  they're looking for attention and affection and that's going to include sex.

I guess the best advice before you make a mistake you might regret is better communication with your mate.  Tell him how you are feeling and see if you can work it out.  If you don't you might be headed for a blowup you are not prepared for.

Working Cougars Resent Being The Main Bread Winner

Many women over 40 are becoming frustrated when they find themselves the main bread winner in the family after their husbands are laid off.  Growing up in the 60's women expected to be swept off their feet by Prince Charming, then to settle down, have a family and be supported by their husbands.  But, as we know life doesn't always work out the way we plan.

 

Today, many wives are losing respect for their husbands as they are forced back to work to support their families.  In effect, Cinderella is now taking care of Prince Charming and this role reversal it placing a big strain on marriage.  If these relationships are going to survive, it is essential to deal with the combined feelings of disappointment felt by women and the weight of failure felt by men when their previously well-defined roles become blurred. 

In fact, what they need to do is to learn new strategies to deal with the imbalance or face seeing their marriage falling apart altogether.

Here's a few tips.

• Discuss your new roles in detail. You two may have very different expectations of each other, which can quickly lead to arguments during this stressful transition time.
• Embrace your status as breadwinner. It’s natural to feel pressure when you’re the only one getting paid, but instead of letting it paralyze you with fear, use this experience to rev up your career. Ask about new projects you can take on or if you can interview for the position above your current one.
• Experience the frustration. It’s not helpful to pretend any negative feelings you have don’t exist.
• Cut your husband some slack. If you’ve never been an at-home mom, you cannot comprehend how immensely difficult it is. 
• Expect the potholes. There will probably come a time when either you or your partner will express dissatisfaction with the new arrangement. Don’t pull the plug just yet. Address the problem and discuss solutions that make both of you happy before you rearrange the household again.

Hillary Clinton Shows She Is A Real Cougar

I've always knew Hillary Clinton was a Real Cougar Woman.  She is smart, confident, independent and goes after what she wants.  Age has never stopped her.  But, now she's taking her cougar instincts to a whole new level.

Mrs Clinton owned up to an unlikely crush on the 'vibrant, vital, attractive, smart' British Foreign Secretary last month.

Speaking in Vogue magazine, Mrs Clinton, 62, joked with an interviewer about Mr Miliband's accent. 'Well, if you saw him it would be a BIG crush,' she said. 'I mean, he is so vibrant, vital, attractive, smart. He's really a good guy. And he's so young!'

Mr Miliband also seems taken with his American counterpart.  At a NATO meeting yesterday he seemed to take delight in teasing the former First Lady.

Hey, if I was Mr. Miliband I would be fascinated with Mrs. Clinton.  She is one smart, resourceful and extremely talented woman.  

Cougars Are Kicking The Double Standard In The Butt

Real Cougar women everywhere think it's time to bring down the outdated double standard.  We are ready to put on our pointy toed stilettos and give it a quick kick in the butt. And why wouldn't we?  This unfair imbalance that puts men in the driver seat has been around far too long. And, women all over the world are feeling too much like second class citizens.

The double standard is very evident in the workplace.  Women are   earning only 78 cents for every dollar a man makes.  Is that fair?  We do the same jobs, produce the same results, have the same tenure, but our paychecks are falling short. 

A man who is aggressive is considered smart.  A woman who is aggressive is considered a bitch.  Society expects guys to be aggressive, but is repelled by women who invest the same effort in securing what they want. 

And, the inequality doesn't end in the workplace, it rears it's ugly head in our relationships too. Real Cougars know this only too well. If an older man chooses to be with a younger woman he gets the high-five from his buddies and it becomes a badge of honor.  On the other hand, if an older woman is in a relationship with a younger man, she is thought of as a desperate predator and is ridiculed by other females. How ridiculous is that?

Here's the bottom line.  We have a lot more work to do and we want to do it our way.  In the past women have tried to gain equal status by thinking, acting and dressing like a man. Now it's time to tap into our rich reservoir of  feminine power and bring a new awareness to how resourceful, how intelligent and how effective we really are.  

That's what The Real Cougar Woman is all about. We are all working to swing the pendulum back to center doing it our way.

Smart Cougars Too Much For Most Men

When a long relationship falls apart it could be that you are just too damned smart and successful.  So many men are threatened when you can never let any discussion go or concede a flawed argument. In other words, a guy wants a woman who thinks he is her everything. A woman who won't challenge him mentally or emotionally - someone who makes him believe he is superior and boosts his self-esteem.

Does that mean men feel this need to be dominant in a relationship in order to feel sexually attracted to a woman?  If that's true, then being with a strong, clever, capable woman must be a turn-off.  And do we have to downplay our intelligence to sustain a long term relationship?

In our race to compete with men in the world of work, women have adopted masculine tactics and characteristics. We have become masculine - and men don't want to date women who think like men. We have lost our femininity, our softness, our ditziness if you like, and in so doing have blocked the ancient signals that reach out to a man's brain saying: 'Come and rescue me.'  

Modern women have learned to regard men as the competition, in order to get ahead professionally. And while men can accept this female aggression in the workplace, they evidently can't in relationships.

The question this leaves successful women with is whether we should learn to be submissive, socially and domestically, in order to attract a mate. That's quite a challenge for a generation that has always refused to compromise when it comes to our careers.

Much as I hate to say it, I think we successful women are to blame for men's reluctance to be with us. In the process of becoming Alpha women, we've lost our femininity. If we want to be happy in relationships, we have to get that back - even if that means 'unlearning' some of the things that have got us to the top. What do we want more - a relationship or a career?

Almost all the women I've asked that question want a relationship, including me.

Men love vulnerable women. We need to accept that, just because we've changed, we can't expect them to. I don't think they can.

Successful women have reached crisis point and maybe we have to acknowledge we can't undo our evolutionary changes. Perhaps long-term relationships aren't a reality for very high achievers, and maybe we have to accept that our careers will have to be a substitute for love, however sad that might be.

Cougars Work Less and Achieve More

There comes a critical time in life when you realize that in order to achieve more you have to let go and work less. As women we have been conditioned to believe we have to keep going at warp speed to get where we want to go. We push, we stress, we neglect our needs and then when we do achieve what we set out to do - we are too tired, guilt ridden or numb to appreciate the fruits of our labor.

Amid layoffs and burgeoning workloads, it seems, working any time, all the time, has become a habit. A survey of 605 U.S. workers last spring by the Society for Human Resource Management found that 70% of employees work beyond scheduled time and on weekends; more than half blame "self-imposed pressure." Now, new research suggests some have reached the point where a paradoxical truth applies: To get more done, we need to stop working so much.

I have adopted that philosophy. After decades of pushing myself I've stopped.  Now when I'm tired, stressed to the max, or don't know where to go next, I stop.  When I give myself some breathing room  my mind clears and the creative ideas that I had been searching for seem to magically appear. 

Here a few tips on how to change your work habits whether you are working for yourself or for someone else.

• Set future goals with your boss, coworkers or yourself
• Plan for deadlines far in advance
• Set, and focus on, top hourly, daily or weekly priorities
• Find the right people to back you up - it's teamwork you can't do it alone. 

Give yourself a much deserved break.  You will be surpised how you will benefit more by doing less.