Relationships Posts

March 08, 2012

Cheating Spouse? – 9 Giveaway Signs

  by Linda Franklin

Cheating Spouse? - 9 Giveaway Signs Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanDid you ever have that gut feeling that’s telling you your spouse is up to no good. That maybe he has got something going on the side.  That nauseating feeling of betrayal is so horrible that you may consciously choose not to pay attention to the warning signs.  Knowing for sure can get ugly and your life could be turned upside down.  But wait a minute….

Don’t you owe it to yourself to know the truth?  Your happiness, your self-esteem, your financial future are on the line here.  It’s up to you to protect yourself.  If you don’t know the telltale signs of a cheating spouse, these nine signs provide pretty conclusive proof.

1. The sex

Your hubbie wants more sex. His libido is over stimulated, but it’s just sex – there is no emotion attached.  Of course, the other side of that coin is that he doesn’t want sex at all.

2. His Appearance

A cheating husband will make sure his hair looks right, and will start taking more interest going to the gym. (He can even use that time to have that secret rendesvous..who knows).

3. More Time Away From Home

Work obligations are demanding more of his time.  And, add to that, more out-of-town tmeetings.

4. He takes up a time-consuming hobby that doesn’t involve you

This regular hobby can include the gym (if you can call that health hobby), the library, jogging or some kind of sport. The less you are interested in it, the more chance of him taking it.

5. His cell phone has become his constant companion

A cheating husband needs to take his cell phone everywhere (Yes even to the bathroom with the door locked from the inside). This is just in case the other woman call or it’s for him to contact that other woman.

6. He eats less, or he has stomach upset

Not so smart cheater will have dinner with his secret lover and won’t have want to eat when he gets home.

7. You catch some lies – white lies, big lies..

You realize he’s been lying and getting better at covering them up. He avoids eye contact with you, and won’t participate in any discussion about infidelity. And when you push him to the edge ready to prove that he’s lying, he’ll get defensive or very angry. 

8. Emails – New email address, new passwords, no history

He is using the computer a lot. When you walk in the room he minimises all windows – or closes them altogether. When he finally gets off the computer nothing is left in the history. All temporary cookies are deleted too.

9. Obvious evidence

This can be perfume on his laundry items, lipstick on his collar or shirt, or even the fact that he wants to do his own laundry. Hair can also be evidence (Like…you see blonde hair in his car, and your hair is black)

On top of these signs of infidelity, you’ll find that a cheating husband will stare off into space a lot, talking much less and losing interest in you and the family

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

March 05, 2012

Erotic Trilogy “Fifty Shades” Storms Manhattan

  

by Linda Franklin

Erotica Trilogy - Fifty Shades A Cult Hit by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman“Fifty Shades,” an erotica trilogy dubbed“mommy porn” by some, is rapidly becoming a cult hit among women in New York City, who are exchanging well-worn paperback copies and excited whispers about the book’s “red room of pain” (a sex playroom).

The BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) novel is currently sitting in 28th place on the New York Times bestseller list and is topping Amazon and Barnes & Noble charts.

It’s like “Twilight” for the grown-up set. Except, with lots of sex instead of vampires and abstinence.

Close your eyes, flip to a random page, point to a line and you’re basically guaranteed to land on a graphic, adjective-laden sex scene (often involving multiple props).

One 40-year-old mother-of-three said that Fifty Shades is ‘just a fun escape from the daily mundane of trudging kids around and, you know, marriage’

Unlike the florid descriptions found in your typical drugstore-variety bodice ripper, the details in “Fifty Shades” are reserved for the sex acts themselves. 

The piece of erotic fiction is no convenient handbag read – its 1,200 pages, an armful in itself, is laden with steamy writing that makes it far from easy to read in public places. But that doesn’t stop the female fans – they are scooping up the Kindle edition.

Happy reading everyone!  Share it with your partner and see what happens.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

February 29, 2012

Sex Scandals Surround Yoga Practices

by Linda Franklin

Sex Scandals Surround Yoga Practices Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanToday’s New York TImes had an eye-opening article about the relationship between yoga and sex.  Here’s the gist of the article but it’s an interesting read so here’s the link. Times article. 

The wholesome image of yoga took a hit in the past few weeks as a rising star of the discipline came tumbling back to earth. After accusations of sexual impropriety with female students, John Friend, the founder of Anusara, one of the world’s fastest-growing styles, told followers that he was stepping down for an indefinite period of “self-reflection, therapy and personal retreat.”

But this is hardly the first time that yoga’s enlightened facade has been cracked by sexual scandal. Why does yoga produce so many philanderers? And why do the resulting uproars leave so many people shocked and distraught?

One factor is ignorance. Yoga teachers and how-to books seldom mention that the discipline began as a sex cult — an omission that leaves many practitioners open to libidinal surprise.

Hatha yoga — the parent of the styles now practiced around the globe — began as a branch of Tantra. In medieval India, Tantra devotees sought to fuse the male and female aspects of the cosmos into a blissful state of consciousness.

The rites of Tantric cults, while often steeped in symbolism, could also include group and individual sex. One text advised devotees to revere the female sex organ and enjoy vigorous intercourse. Candidates for worship included actresses and prostitutes, as well as the sisters of practitioners.

Hatha originated as a way to speed the Tantric agenda. It used poses, deep breathing and stimulating acts — including intercourse — to hasten rapturous bliss. In time, Tantra and Hatha developed bad reputations. The main charge was that practitioners indulged in sexual debauchery under the pretext of spirituality.

The drama with Mr. Friend is still unfolding. So far, at least 50 Anusara teachers have resigned, and the fate of his enterprise remains unclear. In his letter to followers, he promised to make “a full public statement that will transparently address the entirety of this situation.”

Knowledge is power so just be aware of the underlying intentions of some so-called spiritual yoga masters.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

February 26, 2012

Women Paying For Sex

by Linda Franklin

Women Who Hire Gigolos on the Rise  Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanA handsome, muscle-bound man who is charming, witty and keen to treat a woman like an angel whenever she is in the mood?

It may sound too good to be true. Until, that is, money is thrown into the equation.

Gigolos are on the rise in the U.S., says ABC’s Nightline, with more and more well-educated, successful and high-earning women willing to shell out thousands of dollars for dates – and sex – with the ‘perfect’ man.

Garren James, owner of Cowboys 4 Angels, has had 2,000 job applications since his agency starred in reality series, Gigolos. Models turned cowboys take home 80 per cent of their hourly rate which starts at $300.00.

With services paid for up front and under the strict guise of simply charging for time, rather than sex, the practice is 100 per cent legal – straight male escorts bill for their hours and nothing more. If that leads to sex with a female client, so be it.  

One woman uses this pleasurable service as incentive to lose wight – and books a Cowboy every time she sheds five pounds. It’s working. She says that since she started heading on dates with the former models, she has gone from a size 28 to an 18.

For her, though, the icing on the cake is that she is in control, and free to do as she pleases. ‘I know they aren’t going to call. I don’t want them to call,’ she told Nightline.

Cowboys 4 Angels is now in Texas, New York, California, Georgia and Nevada.

Today many women are too busy for a boyfriend and they prefer the ‘sure thing’.  This fits the bill for their needs.

While the gigolos are not required to take STD tests as they are officially not being paid for sex, but say they practice safe sex.

So, I toss this out to you.  Do you think it’s wrong for a woman to engage the services of a gigolo?  It sure flies in the face of conventional thinking.  I say it’s okay as long as you don’t get emotionally attached – and that’s a big if. Remember, Richard Gere got hooked on his paid-for escort in Pretty Woman?

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

February 21, 2012

Sexy Body - Does Mine Still Qualify?

by Linda Franklin

 

One of the crazy excuses that stops a woman from enjoying sex is believing her body isn't sexy anymore.

Doesn't it make sense that if you're more concerned about how you look than enjoying the pleasures of the flesh - you're not going to enjoy it?  

It's impossible to enjoy sex If you're not present in the moment.  If you're busy doing a body check, instead of focusing on the kiss or the touch, you are shortchanging yourself and your partner.

It's hard to convince a woman that a man sees her body differently than she does. They're not nearly as concerned with the flaws as you are.  What turns on a man is your passion, your imagination, your enjoyment.  He doesn't care about that extra weight you might have put on or that your breasts aren't quite as firm as they used to be.

Sex is one of the greatest pleasure in life, so why would you choose to give it up because you imagine your body isn't sexy.  Just relax. Relish in the pleasure that your body can provide and stop worrying how your butt looks from every possible angle.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

February 17, 2012

Sexually Addicted Women

  by Linda Franklin

Sexually Addicted Women - Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanOften there is a fine line that separates acceptable sexual behavior and what is sexually addictive or compulsive. This is especially true for women in a society where sex is too often treated as a commodity. Our culture discourages women from being assertive and direct in the expression of their sexual needs, and that fosters a less direct and potentially seductive or manipulative approach.

The idea of being “love addicted” may be preferred by sexually addicted women because it fits the romantic, nurturer model of woman. The “love” they experience is a yearning or euphoria of romance, but has little to do with love.

The elements of sex addiction in women are similiar to other addicitions:

1. Compulsion, or unsuccessful attempts to control a sexual behavior

2. Continued behavior despire negative time spent on sex-related activities

3. Obsessive thoughts in planning or obtaining sex

Some sexually addictive behavior patterns in women may include: excessive flirting; wearing provocative clothing whenever possible; changing one’s appearance with excessive dieting, excessive exercise, and/or reconstructive surgery; making sexual advances to others in subordinate power positions; seeking sexual partners in high-risk locations; multiple extramarital affairs; disregard of appropriate sexual boundaries, 

Many women addicted to sex were sexually abused in childhood — one research study showed 78%.

Sexually addicted women have sought professional help for psychological problems, but their sexual compulsivity was never addressed. 12 step programs such as SLAA, Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), Sexual Recovery Anonymous (SRA) and Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA) can teach women how to integrate healthy sexual behavior into their lives.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

February 13, 2012

Naughty Valentines Day

By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

Naughty Valentine's Day Fayr Barkley The Real Cougar WomanIf you remember my Blog from last Valentine’s Day, you will know this is not my favorite time of year. It’s great if you are in a good relationship, but if your relationship is less than or doesn’t exist at all, hearing your girlfriends excitement about where they will be dining, what they’ll be wearing and what they’ll be getting only amplifies your own loneliness.
Well, this year I have decided to do something a little naughty. A very handsome and successful young man I know is coming into town. We’ll be meeting at one of Beverly Hill’s finest restaurants. He asked me, coyly, what I’d be wearing. I told him I had not brought anything back from holiday with me that is appropriate. He suggested he take me shopping and we’d pick out something nice together.
 
Well, that got the little passion cogs in my brain turning. I said to him, “Instead of shopping together, why don’t you go out and get me something you’d like to see me in? An outfit complete with sexy little underthings would be nice.” I then told him I’d meet him at the restaurant in a black trench coat and once seated at the table he could hand me the shopping bag. I’d then slip upstairs to the ladies’ room and put them on and come back down to our table where champagne would be waiting. We’d dine on succulent delicacies, sip champagne and who knows? Perhaps we’ll go back to the L’Ermitage Hotel and his room for dessert. 
 
A girl can dream, can’t she?
 
Valentine’s Day. What are you doing? Do you plan to be naughty or nice?
 

 The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest

February 10, 2012

Sexually Checked In Or Out To Lunch?

 by Staci Haines 

Sexually Check in or Out To Lunch? Staci Haines The Real Cougar WomanHave you ever had those sexual experiences where you or your partners were out to lunch while you were having sex? Maybe you were waiting for the sex to be over, thinking about the proverbial grocery list, or watching the wallpaper. Or perhaps it was your partner who was somewhere else. Maybe he or she seemed preoccupied, like nobody was home. It can be an especially terrible experience when you feel this lack and ask your partner something like, “Are you here? Are you thinking about something else?” and get the response “What you are talking about — I’m fine, what’s wrong with you?”

Even if the position is hot, the orgasm is good, and the person is someone you like, the lack of being there can leave the sex disappointing at best and empty at worst. Although we humans have all kinds of sex, from recreational to spiritual, on some level we have sex to connect with another human being. If being with another person didn’t matter, we’d stick to masturbating.

Most of us don’t talk about being present or checked in during sex.  You may decide it is not a big deal and just fill in for the person, act as if your lover is with you. Or, you may not know how to ask your partner to be present during sex, or not know how to be there yourself.

Dissociation at its core is a bodily or physiological phenomenon. The breath tends to get shallow in the upper chest. The small muscles in the body contract, so that blood flow is constricted and there is less sensation and emotion. The change of breath and muscle contraction can cause a sense of floating away, or not being able to connect with or notice others as a separate three-dimensional person.

Dissociation is an automatic bodily response that we have little control over. It can be brief or last over years depending on the cause and need for protection or shutting down.

People dissociate for lots of different reasons — it’s an automatic physiological response to high stress, danger, threat, or trauma. The threat can be large or small, real or imagined; the person must only perceive it as potentially dangerous. For some this is a new situation, or just the fact of being revealed or vulnerable, not necessarily a physical threat. For some people dissociation can be an automatic response left over from hurt or trauma that happened in the past. The dissociation can linger.

We are also culturally trained in it. Overall, our schooling, Western religions, and the violence we live around call us out of our senses and bodies and into a very mental, and at times anesthetized relationship, to ourselves, our bodies, other people and the world. What I mean by this is that our culture does not promote a life of being inside of and connected to our sensations and the information that comes from our bodies and physiology. We have learned to think of ourselves as a brain atop a body.

Presence is the Deciding Factor

Presence is the deciding factor for hot sex, satisfying and connected sex, and sex over time with the same partner. New positions and creative expression are important to quality sex, but if you or your partner are not present or checked in, the others do not matter as much. It may be difficult or impossible for a relationship to last if one partner is not present during sex.

If you are in the process of recovery from abuse or trauma, learning to be connected to your own body, sensations and emotions is a cornerstone of healing. Coming back into yourself by contacting your sensations and emotions will allow you to move through the pain and let it leave your body. You learn to respond to the present rather than automatically dissociating out of the past hurt or trauma.

When you are checked in you can feel your own sensations, emotions, boundaries, and sense of what you care about. You can be in the experience you are having rather than just thinking about it in your head. The other great piece about being present is that you can pay attention to your partner as well as yourself. When we live in a dissociated state it is easy to have people become living symbols in our minds, instead of real flesh in our beds with us.

You can feel the difference of presence. Most people talk about a magnetism, or sense of ease or trust that they notice when someone is present with them. There is a different possibility for being connected, and having a sense of meaning, depth or playfulness.

Being checked in or present is a learned skill that takes a little practice. If you are used to being off somewhere else during sex, it may seem strange at first to have your attention on your experience. To practice being checked in, bring your focus and attention into your own body, sensations, emotions and thoughts. While attending to yourself in this way, also pay attention to your partner. Practice paying attention to both yourself and your partner at the same time. (At first, it may seem like patting your head and rubbing your stomach.)

Notice how long can you stay present before you want to float off again. If you find yourself wanting to be away from the experience instead of present for it, see how that makes you feel. There may be information there for you. To get really good at being present during sex, practice noticing and feeling yourself from the neck down in your everyday life.

The practice of checking in during sex may be the best thing you ever give to your sex life and intimate relationships.

Staci Haines is the author of The Survivor’s Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life after Child Sexual Abuse. She is a somatic practitioner specializing in trauma and recovery and teaches Somatics at Rancho Strozzi Institute in Northern California.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

February 06, 2012

Women Would Give Up Sex For Six Months If….

by Linda Franklin

 
Women Would Give Up Sex For Six Months If....Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanThis economy has a lot of people giving up a lot of things – but why sex?  Isn’t sex one of life’s greatest pleasures that doesn’t come with a price tag attached?

A survey asked over 1,000 Americans what they would be willing to sacrifice to escape a month’s worth of bills.  Twenty one per cent of women said they would be willing to sacrifice sex for six months.  And, it’s not just women willing to give up a roll in the hay  -  sixteen per cent of the men said they would take this financial swap. 

Women said they would also be willing to give up their cell phones and other digital devices, but only fourteen per cent would be willing to sacrifice their use of the internet.  No sex – no cell phones – what is the world would be do for pleasure?  

When sacrifices like the ones offered in the survey are not available as a way to pay bills,  35 per cent of responders described themselves as getting creative by selling personal items or finding extra work.  Others would raise needed cash by getting a short-term loan, borrowing from their 401K, or foregoing their monthly payment all together.

What would you be willing to give up for a one month reprieve from paying your bills?

 Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

February 02, 2012

Friend With Benefits – Equal Benefits For Both?

  Friend With Benefits – Equal Benefits For Both?

by Linda Franklin

Friends with Benefits - Equal Benefits For Both? Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanFriends with benefits or friends with “benies” or friends for cut – it’s all the same thing.  In theory FWB’s is a mutual practical arrangement for satisfying each others sexual needs without the usual bothersome expectations of love, romance, or in most cases – monogamy.

The thing is, FWB’s don’t always provide equal benefits for both parties involved.  But, nevertheless these arrangements are becoming more popular.

Most women, not all, too often confuse sex with love.  Whether or not they admit it, we are suckers for emotional attachment.  It’s hard for us to keep our hearts under wraps when we are putting ourselves in such a vulnerable position.  Even the hard-hearted-hannahs do get their hearts broken.  It’s painful knowing we don’t rank high on our lover’s priority list. We are a convenience when time permits.

Here’s a couple of reasons people decide to switch from being just friends to FWB’s:

  • both agree from there is no emotional attachment so there is no pie-in-the-sky expectations
  • you have recently come out of a breakup or a divorce are ready to sex, but not a relationship

If you are considering the switch, ask yourself these tough questions:

  • Is this FWB relationship just a rest stop on the way to something better?
  • Is this relationship one that makes me happy?
  • Is this all I can expect at my age?

I suppose the success of an FWB relationship depends completely on the two people involved and the ground rules they establish. For some it may be just what the doctor ordered, while for others just an another bump on an already hazardous emotional roller-coaster.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

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