Marriage Posts

January 23, 2012

Madonna Still HopesThere’s A Mr. Right – Like All Of UsPosted

by Linda Franklin

Madonna Still Believes There's A Mr. Right - Like All Of Us Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanLast Friday night, Madonna, of all people, admitted to this - ”even if we are sophisticated, educated, evolved human beings, we still in the back of our minds think Mr Right is going to rush in and sweep us off our feet. ‘If you have half a brain, you know real love doesn’t exist, but I can see myself walking down the aisle again.”

Now, it could well be that the Material Girl was merely faking a belief in the idea of a great love because she was promoting her film W.E., depicting the affair between Edward and Mrs Simpson. But maybe not.

Madonna still feels, at 53,  that she is attractive and has a lot to give a man. She has conquered every career mountain it is possible to assail, and now wants to focus on relationship.  She has an amazing lifestyle but is beginning to realize it’s not as much fun doing it alone.

She has been wounded and betrayed by men, but is still willing to believe she has not yet met the right one. ‘We keep getting disappointed,’ she said. ‘But we still hold out hope that, next time, he will be The One.’

She isn’t the only woman who has that sense of longing, that hope that one day her knight in shining armor will come and sweep her away to the Magic Kingdom. 

But, does a great love really exist out here in the real world, away from the silver screen or between the pages of romantic fiction?  Why do we find it so hard to find the great love we’re still holding out for? Well, for one, we are perfectionists.

The thing that breaks apart many relationships is the desire for everything to be perfect – and there is no such thing.  How could we expect one human being to be the perfect man?  Always disappointed, like Madonna, too many of us never made relationships a priority. We believed that success, money, power and nice things would be enough. Unfortunately, we have discovered they aren’t.

But don’t give up hope – happiness isn’t that elusive.  It begins with refocusing your priority list.  When you are happy with yourself you won’t be as critical with the man in your life.. 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

January 05, 2012

What Does Your Man Really Think Of You?

by Linda Franklin   

New Years Truth - What Men Really Think - Linda Franklin THe Real COugar Woman

Call it protecting their fannies or just good old-fashioned common sense, there are some areas of married life where honesty is most definitely not the best policy.

Apparently, a third of all men would NEVER tell their wife that she looks fat.  That’s probably a very good idea if they want to keep the peace. Give them credit for being smart enough to know that just one small comment about your weight could fire a barrage of consequences that would make him a very unhappy camper.

We all know how sensitive a topic weight is, but it’s just one of many taboo topics where men should keep their opinions to themselves.

Five very brave husbands were asked to name the major complaint they have never dared to confront their wife about.  Here’s the list, but to me it’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Bravery only goes so far. 

You Can’t Cook – You Can’t Drive – I Don’t Like Your Hair – I Don’t Like The Way You Dress, and last but certainly by no means the least – You Are Turning Into Your Mother.

Yikes, any one of these could start a battle royal, especially the one about turning into your mother.  It’s interesting though that there wasn’t one complaint about sex in the top five. I find that highly unlikely since men always seem to have major issues around their bedroom activities, or lack of them.

Now that we’ve heard from the men, let’s turn the tables.  What would you say is the top complaint you have about your mate?  It’s hard to pinpoint only one isn’t it!  Tell me what drives you crazy and I will share them in my next posting.   

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

December 27, 2011

Pregnancy After 45 – When Do You Hang Up The Baby Booties?

By Dr. Jennifer Landa

Michelle DuggarWith the recent miscarriage suffered by TLC’s “19 Kids and Counting” star, Michelle Duggar, the risks of pregnancy after age 45 have stepped into the limelight. These days, many celebrities are having children at older ages and making it seem easy and the norm, but such a feat is not without significant risks.

The risk of miscarriage in general is high – one in seven pregnancies end in miscarriage, and with the ability to detect pregnancies at very early stages with at-home pregnancy tests, the true union of sperm and egg often ends in a miscarriage 60 to 70 percent of the time. After the age of 40, this risk increases to one in three pregnancies and by age 45 – one in two pregnancies will end in a miscarriage.

A number of factors contribute to this high-risk – the first being lower levels of progesterone. As a woman ages her hormone levels naturally decline.  Low progesterone makes the pregnancy at extreme risk for miscarriage because this hormone is responsible for supporting the embryo and growing fetus. Without adequate levels, that support to the fetus is non-existent and the pregnancy fails.

Genetic abnormalities, due to the eggs of an older female being…well, older – also contribute to the riskiness of the pregnancy. In an older egg, the risk of mistakes when the DNA is replicated skyrockets, putting the pregnancy or, ultimately, the baby at-risk. In this case, pregnancies that do make it term have a greater risk of producing a child with special needs.  This is something women should take into serious consideration when planning pregnancy after the age of 40.

Not only is pregnancy after age 45 risky for the baby, it can be a challenging situation for the mother-to-be as well. Gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia are significant disease risks.  Both threaten the health and future health of the mother and the fetus. Pre-eclampsia is the number two cause of maternal death in the United States, primarily affecting pregnant women under 20 or over 40 years of age.

In the case of Michelle Duggar, her age was not her only risk factor – women who have had several children are at an even greater risk of premature delivery and postpartum bleeding.  After multiple deliveries, the uterus loses its muscle tone.  These muscles are essential to slowing and stopping bleeding after delivery – excessive bleeding following delivery can also lead to emergency surgery, hysterectomy or even – death.

Pregnancy is always a blessing and many women might argue that it is worth every risk to bear their own child, however, if you carefully examine the risks – it is not just the health of the mother that is affected – the baby’s entire life could be altered.  If you are planning to or do become pregnant at an older age, generally after age 35, talk to your doctor to minimize risks associated with your pregnancy.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

December 21, 2011

Sex Isn't Meant To Be Synchronized

 by Linda Franklin 

Sex Isn't Mean To Be Orchestrated - Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanSex is wonderful and sex is complicated.  Getting two people to be on exactly the same page takes time and good communication.  What you think is pretty darned fantastic doesn’t necessarily translate to the other person.

Recently I talked with a woman who is concerned because her partner of four years has become obsessed with the idea of simultaneous orgasms. She feels every time they’re in bed, he is trying to synchronize their climax. Yikes, talk about pressure. This has gotten so bad, she’s even tried faking it to keep him happy, and we know that never works. 

Only in the movies does sex look perfect.  In real life it isn’t.  You never see any heroine say”, Hang on a minute, you may have popped your cork, but I haven’t — don’t you dare roll over and go to sleep!’ 

I talk to a lot of women and most say that simultaneous orgasms — while not quite as rare as unicorns — aren’t all that common (and often get less frequent with age). Only two have experienced the phenomenon with any frequency.

Most women will admit that in their 30′s it was easier to time their orgasms with their partners, but after having children is was almost impossible.  And, with some partners it was easier to coordinate peaks, but it didn’t always mean the sex was better.

Early in the dating process perhaps is was easier to experience simultaneous climaxes, but when that pattern didn’t continue the man thought he was doing something wrong. 

A word of advice for the guys.  Women hate when you stare down and ask how close we are.  It makes us tense and irritated.  To avoid that many women  fake orgasm to please you but it is really making them miserable.   

The biggest downside of fake orgasms is that men think they have pushed some kind of magic button when they haven’t. They then become perplexed when they try to repeat the process and nothing happens.

It’s clear you need to talk to your partner about sex outside the bedroom, when emotions aren’t running so high. The question is -  what has made him feel that synchronised climaxes are so vital? Perhaps they were a feature of a previous relationship and he’s come to believe that they’re vital for good sex?

No two women peak in the same way (some don’t have orgasms at all, so much as a pleasurable plateau of sensation) and he needs to understand that.

Rare is the man who has never watched pornography and many develop unrealistic expectations from scenes where trigger-happy porn stars climax on cue. Why? Because they’re faking it and the whole thing’s a fraud. Explain to your partner that you feel you’re being held up to some golden standard that doesn’t exist.

True erotic love is free and easy and doesn’t conform to any preconceived plan. There are no rules when it comes to good sex — we just need to release ourselves and enjoy the moment.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

November 30, 2011

Faking Orgasm Doesn't Work

By Linda Franklin

Faking Orgasm Doesn't Work Linda Franklin, The Real Cougar WomanMen might find this difficult to believe, but more than half of all women have faked an orgasm, according to a study published last week.  After questioning more than 400 women they found  53.9 per cent  had pretended to reach the heights of ectasy with their partner.  Many said they did it to preserve his male ego and prevent him from straying.

So why are so many women secretly dissatisfied with their sex lives?  

If you go to bed exhausted every night or fight over the smallest things with your partner, it will definitely have an impact on your sex drive. Sex has got to be fun and when it’s not you find any reason  to pass.  A lack of libido is a common problem, with an astonishing 30  per cent of women claiming to have no sex drive at all.

The lack of libido can be caused by other factors too, including illness or a decline in hormones, which is common during peri-menopause and menopause.

‘Libido is a complex issue — it’s a mix of brain, heart and hormones.  And, many women are too embarrassed to talk about it.  

Sex is something we do need to talk about, and the best place to do that is in the doctor’s office.  Not just any doctor, but a doctor who you trust and who is compassionate to your problem.  There are many answers to a low sex drive.  Some remedies are as easy as a progesterone cream or testosterone patch.  But, you need to know what works for you.

Sexual satisfaction is too delicious to go without. Find out how you can start enjoying one of the undeniable pleasures of life.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

November 22, 2011

Holiday Breakups - T'is The Season

By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.
 
BreakupSeeing more couples breakup around the Holidays is not that uncommon.  Holidays mark the passage of time in our lives. They are defining moments of joy as well as sorrow. If we are in a marginal relationship with someone, we are inclined to start thinking, "Thanksgiving is around the corner. Christmas is next. Then there's New Year's. Do I really want to take this relationship into the next year?"
 
If you are not in a serious relationship, it is a time for thinking, "Do I really want to spend the holidays with this person I have been seeing but don't really feel all that committed to? If we spend the holidays together, will he think this is getting too serious?" Then there are other considerations: What do you spend on a gift? How much time should you spend together? Do you take him home to meet family and friends? 
 
Holidays do mean something relationship wise. They mean you are spending more time, effort, money and emotional energy with someone else. It also means introducing that person to family members and friends and being pulled aside and asked, "Is this serious between the two of you?" While you may be wondering if he is worth keeping around, he may be wondering the same about you. This sets up tension in a relationship. 
 
It may be time to evaluate your relationship and have a frank discussion about where it is, where it is going, where it is not, and what you each want to do about it. There is nothing so bad as being alone for the holidays, unless you are with someone who doesn't make you happy.
 
 The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest. 

November 07, 2011

Falling In Love Again

by Linda Franklin - The Real Cougar Woman

Older_couple_kissingLisa spent 15 years alone after her husband died and thought she would never have sex again. Then, at age 71, she met a wonderful partner and has fallen madly in love again. She should be thrilled right?  She is - but the rest of the world seems less happy.

Both Lisa and her guy both have children who are having problems with their parents intimacy.  They roll their eyes when they kiss, and when Lisa tries to talk to her daughter about her new love she says she 'can’t cope'.

Why are people so hostile to older lovers? 

We’re told ‘all the world loves a lover’, but that doesn’t ring true if the courting couples are 60-plus and don’t restrict their PDAs (public displays of affection) to holding hands.

There’s a misconceived cultural prejudice which leads some people to think older people who have sex are behaving inappropriately.

It's difficult for a chid of any age to accept their mother being physically familiar.

Paul McCartney’s offspring weren’t exactly delighted by his puppyish displays of attraction (in the early days of the courtship) to Heather Mills — they felt it was disrespectful to Linda McCartney’s memory. His new bride, Nancy Shevell, has been far more diplomatic and has won the family’s approval.

Lisa's daughter reluctance to discuss your partner is, on the face of things, unfair, but not unusual. She wants you to be her mother, not a girlfriend and confidante. 

If you're lucky enough to find love, celebrate it; the point about growing older is you finally have the confidence to make bold choices.

Just remember in your bliss to be sensitive about the fact your families need time to adjust to the new landscape. When they have, I am sure they will share your joy.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest

November 06, 2011

Real Cougar Woman Forced To Dumb Down?

by Linda Franklin - The Real Cougar Woman 
 

Smiling coupleReal Cougar Women - women who are smart, independent and successful know relationships between men and women are changing radically. And, they are finding it increasingly difficult to marry successful men to have an important relationship with.

Research is revealing that when a woman is successful she is having to 'trade down' when it comes to finding a partner.  Historically, women have looked for partners who were richer and better educated than themselves.  Now that's changing.  

As women outperform men in earnings and promotion the traditional model of the relationship between men and women is being turned on its head.

Philadelphia-based Pew Research Centre study, published in The Atlantic magazine, suggests female graduates are being put in similar situation to that faced for some time by black women.  Apparently 70 per cent of black women have no husband and there are twice as many black women as black men with university degrees.

So, where does that leave smart, educated women these days?  Confused.  What can they do?  Instead of dumbing down to find a man, look for one who loves you for who you are.  Yes, he may not be as financially successful as you are, but if he has other great qualities, and is not threatened by your powerful ways, you just might make it together.  

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

November 01, 2011

Cougar Woman's Boyfriend Wants Kids

by Linda Franklin - The Real Cougar Woman


Older_woman_younger_manI got this email from a an older woman who found herself in a relationship with a younger man.  The problem she faces is one shared by many women so I wanted to share it with my readers.  I asked her permission and she said yes.  

Hi Linda,


My name is Tara and I'm a avid reader of your blog and a member of The Real Cougar Woman Club. 


I was wondering if you could write an article or pass along some advice to me regarding my situation with dating a younger man. My experience may not be as unique as I feel it is, but I haven't been able to find anyone who has gone through a similar situation. 

I was dating a man who was thirty, I was forty seven at the time. Initially we had been friends, each in relationship with someone else.  As our friendship developed we grew closer and decided that we wanted to be together as partners. My age was never an issue for him but i struggled with it a bit, my self esteem and confidence issues surfaced but we managed. 

Not too long after we hooked up, a good friend of his passed away leaving his wife and their two young children, one being a new baby. When this happened, his desire to have a family really surfaced and it ultimately led to us parting ways. 

We were apart for about eight months although we stayed in touch as our friendship was so strong. He came back a few months ago saying that he didn't want to be without me and realized that our being together was the most important thing to him. We promised each other that we would communicate if his feelings about having kids were to surface again....and unfortunately, they did. 

We talked but really, the bottom line cant be changed. I have two children, a twenty one yr old and a sixteen yr old and I don't want to start another family. Even if I could, I'm too old to have a child and like I said, having a child again even through invitro or adoption is not an option for me. We decided to end the relationship and I've asked for no contact because being in touch only fuels the pain and heartache. 

As cut and dried as it seems, I'm having such a hard time with the loss of the relationship again. I understand it, I think it’s great that he wants a family, but my heart feels otherwise. I'm so angry at the world and myself for falling in love with someone that I can’t be with. I am everything he wants in a woman and we love each other so much. We get along famously in laughter, honesty and with a deep connection but our differences in age has brought about this painful circumstance. 

I feel so alone and I wondered if you've come across this type of issue before and if so, would you share any insight that may help me get past it. Perhaps its like any other failed relationship, only time will be the healer. I miss everything about him, I love him so much. I don't know how to move on feeling so broken hearted. I know I will survive but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Tara

Tara, I feel your pain.  It's not easy finding a man you have such a good connection with in so many areas. But, for what it's worth, I believe you did absolutely the right thing. You must listen to your gut even when the message it's sending you isn't what you want to hear.  Living a happy life is all about the choices you make.  I respect you for being upfront and honest with yourself and your boyfriend.  Telling them what they want to hear at your expense never works.  Hang in there the right man will come along.   Many younger men have the added pressure of friends and family who could be reinforcing the family issue.   Stay strong. 

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

October 24, 2011

Number One Reason People Get Divorced

By Linda Franklin - The Real Cougar Woman

DivorceFalling out of love is the new number one reason couples are divorcing according to Your Tango. After doing a survey of divorced or divorcing couples, infidelity has now been bumped down to number two.  Cheating had been number one for the eight years.

Essentially, the survey has found that couples are more willing to work through a partner's sexual indiscretions than they are through a dry, loveless relationship. And who can blame them?

In the old days, there weren't any options and women didn't have their own incomes. Things have changed with the two income household among other things. I've always questioned whether or not women's resolve to stay in a sexually decrepit marriage was due to the the idealistic reasons they posed. Men, on the other hand, have gone to mistresses and sex workers to satisfy their needs, seeing that as their right-- their entitlement. The show Mad Men on AMC does a great job displaying this.

Today more couple are rethinking sex's role in a relationship. They're spending more time getting better at it and the other things that make it great and communication smooth.  They're taking sex more seriously. . When they do, it makes them wake up one day and say things like, "I'm falling in low with my husband/wife all over again".

Sustainable great sex, is a major untapped resource to refuel the state of being in love.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

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