Marriage Posts

May 09, 2012

Sastisfying a Woman Sexually Can Only Be Taught By Women

by Linda Franklin

Sastisfying a Woman Sexually Can Only Be Taught Women Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanSatisfying a woman sexually isn’t rocket science, but men just keep doing the same-old, same-old without trying to educate themselves on what woman want.  That male-ego subborness results in anger, confustion and frustration for both the man and the woman.

Men have to learn to ask for specific directions from someone who knows how to get where they want to go. Typically they are getting their sex tips from porn and men’s magazines.  So, let’s face it – the average man is  CLUELESS on how to satisfy a woman.

The only way to learn how to please a woman sexually is information from other women.

Men really don’t have any idea what they’re missing, one man admits.  He says, “a completely satisfied woman is the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.”  He’s right!  When the lady is happy the world is a happier place for everyone.

I am not a sexologist but if you want to learn everything you can about female sexuality, I suggest you check out this site.  Betty Dodson, author, and PhD sexologist has been one of the principal voices for women’s sexual pleasure and health for over three decades.  Both Betty and her partner Carlin Ross believe the following:

* Masturbation is the foundation for all human sexual activity.

* Sexual repression begins with the prohibition of childhood masturbation.

* Every individual is entitled to contraception. Intentional motherhood is essential for the health and well being of women, children, men and the planet.

* Comprehensive sex education that includes information on how to achieve sexual pleasure in a variety of sex styles and relationships.

* Feedom to choose from a range of different lifestyles such as remaining single, couples living together casually, monogamous or open marriages and all variations of communal living based upon personal choice.

* Eliminating myths surrounding human sexuality from virginity to monogamous marriage.

* The concept of beauty is arbitrary and controlled by corporations that prey on women’s lack of self-esteem.

* Sexual pleasure and orgasm is the source of life and creativity. As we awaken our bodies through the senses, we awaken our minds to the knowledge that we are all related and connected to every living thing on planet Earth and throughout the vast universe.

Both men and women will learn volumes about women’s sexuality by reseraching their site.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

April 25, 2012

Is He The One? 8 Ways To Know

Is He The One? 8 Ways To Know Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Womanby Linda Franklin

Women often wonder if they are making the right choice – especially when it comes to their man.  Yes, at the beginning everything is glorious, but when you take off the rose-colored glasses you may not be so sure.  Your dream man too often can morph into your worst nightmare.

Here’s eight ways that can help you to decide if you are heading down the right road with the right guy.

1. Comfortability – You may have just met him but feel you have known him for years. 

2. Meeting of the minds – Your goals, morals and ethics are pretty much rooted in the same beliefs.

3 Mutual respect and admiration- You encourage each other to be the best you can be - not compete for who’s the alpha dog..

4.  Acceptance – You accept each other for who you are - warts and all. If he is constantly criticizing you or correcting you  – run for the hills!!

5.  Forgiveness Without Resentment – It’s easy to say you forgive your man but be very sure you are not building up a wall of resentment when you do.

6. Sexual Combatability – You can’t fake it – either it’s there or it isn’t. Don’t shortchange yourself.

7. Strength of Character -  You deserve a stand-up guy.  Someone who doesn’t just talk the talk but has demonstrated that he will be there for you in good times and bad.  

8. Financially Responsible - You want a guy who earns and spends his money wisely.  Of course, you have to be on that same responsibility track yourself.  You know how dicey money problems can get. 

Relationships are tough.  Be open and honest right from the start and you will definetely have a leg up on happiness.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

April 20, 2012

Woman’s Erotic Fantasies – A Runaway Best Seller

by

Woman's Erotic Fantasies - A Runaway Best Seller by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Womanby Linda Franklin

Who knew that the woman who just wrote this year’s most popular erotic novel to be the shy type and yet writer E.L. James is modesty to the core.

Despite the explicit content of her bestselling book, Fifty Shades of Grey, the author is still reeling at the unprecedented success and still doubles up in embarrassed laughter talking about it.

During an interview in Paris, the cheerful but self-deprecating British author admitted that she finds it ‘excruciating’ to discuss the fine points of the novel and called the work her own personal ‘mid-life crisis.’ 

Talking to TODAY, the former television producer and suburban mother who wrote the Fifty Shades trilogy in two years, said she had no idea why it had sparked such a phenomenon as, as far as she can see, there is nothing revolutionary about it. 
 
Asked whether she knew it would be such a hit, Ms James laughed: ‘No, not at all. I was amazed. I am stunned by its popularity.’ But she admitted the process was all-consuming as over the course of two years she did nothing but write, composing notes on her phone when she was out and ‘beaming’ them onto her Mac when she got home.

Joking about her unorthodox work method she smiled cheekily when asked if wine helped the flow of raunchy ideas, and said: ‘I always need a couple of glasses of wine’.

The lurid tale of sexual submission has been a sensation among women everywhere. While women have admitted to squirming in their seat on reading the lurid tale of Anastasia Steele and her sadomasochistic millionaire boyfriend Christian Grey, Ms James is not so forthcoming with her feelings on the subject matter.

Though she does admit the book is her ‘midlife crisis in Technicolor. All my fantasies are out there. When it came to talking about real life however, the author opened up about what she feels women really want.

‘I think in real life you want someone very, very different. You want someone who does the dishes,’ she said before adding that the reason her hero is rich and domineering is because ‘that’s really attractive on paper.’

The book that sold a staggering two million copies in one month realizes the secret fantasy of the submissive sexual encounter, a longing that many women may indeed harbor.

Ms James agreed: ‘Once you’re in charge of your job, your house, your children, getting food on the table, doing all of this all of the time, it would be nice for someone else to just be in charge for a little while.

Now Lifetime is doing a talk show based on the book and a movie may be in the works as well.  Hmm  - maybe I should drop everything I’m doing and get all my sexual fantasies down on paper.  

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

April 16, 2012

Perfection Causes Pain Especially In Relationships

by Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D 

If you are looking for the perfect partner or trying to be one – think twice. Perfection is painfully unrealistic for individuals and emotionally costly for couples.. While there is no doubt that striving to be your personal best and feeling good about your efforts is healthy as well as relationship enhancing – perfectionism is something else.

Perfectionism is the belief that a state of completeness and flawlessness can and should be attained. The literature on perfectionism underscores that there is an important difference between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. It is a difference worth considering.

Adaptive Perfectionism involves striving for high standards as motivational and encouraging but there is choice in the pursuit.

Maladaptive perfectionism is different. Those with maladaptive perfectionism don’t really have a choice to strive or excel. They have a pervasive need to achieve an unrealistic standard of perfection as a proof of self-worth. This is the woman who can’t invite friends for dinner because she demands that she cook complicated gourmet recipes and fears failure. This is the partner who avoids sexuality because she is not yet the perfect weight. This is the man who can never enjoy a family vacation because nothing is ever perfect. Frequently those with maladaptive perfectionism have unrealistic expectations of the significant others in their lives. If their partner is not the most successful, the center of the party, the most desirable, the most intelligent etc., their fragile self-worth is compromised.

Just reading the definitions  may be an important first step in identification of a pattern. 

Couple relationships can replay or replace early attachment patterns and they can exacerbate the maladaptive need to be perfect with critique, competitive demands and unrealistic expectations. Recognizing the things that are interfering with your happiness – and agreeing to work together – may reduce blame and double your chances of success.

You can build a secure attachment as you work together using some techniques for reducing perfectionism. Lower anxiety by recognizing that addressing perfectionism does not equate to accepting mediocrity – it equates to striving without suffering. Agree to risk trying just a few new things. Agree to risk making mistakes together. 

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

April 02, 2012

Lifetime Thinks 7 Days of Sex Can Save Your Marriage

  Lifetime Thinks 7 Days of Sex Can Save Your MarriagePosted on March 30, 2012

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Lifetime Thinks 7 Days of Sex Can Save Your Marriage Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanThe amount of sex on television isn’t going to be cut down anytime soon as Lifetime announced “7 Days of Sex” a show that challenges couples to report back about their nightly trysts.   It appear that Lifetime believes the only way to attract viewers is to resort to having lots of sexual content.  Another upcoming show is ‘The Client List’ which is about a real life mom-turned-prostitute.

7 Days of Sex, will highlight couples who have hit a breaking point in their relationship and are trying to save their marriage by having sex every night for one week.  According to the network, the couples will ‘attempt to make radical fixes to their troubled relationships by asking the frank question: can a diet of daily sex help them recharge their marriage? 

Each episode will feature two couples and see how their relationship progresses over the course of their given week.  If only it was that simple.

Lifetime says, “‘7 Days of Sex is a reflection of the challenges in our relationships — balancing time, family, work and trying to achieve real intimacy while being honest and true to ourselves.”

If you are interested enought to tune in, the première episode airs on April 26th.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

March 30, 2012

Leaving The Relationship First - Someone Has To

 By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

Leaving The Relationship First - Someone Has To Dr. Fayr Barkley The Real Cougar WomanThe more I listen to people, the more I learn. In fact, I learn more by listening than I do by talking. No surprise there. But what is surprising is that I hear a common refrain from both men and women about leaving a relationship.They want to leave but are waiting for the other person to make the first move.

They are actually hoping the other will make some grand, unforgivable relationship faux pas so they can justify breaking up, as opposed to just initiating “the talk” with their partner and calling it quits.

Another thing I hear people doing is picking ridiculous fights with their partner or purposely doing something to annoy or tick the other person off. They are provoking conflict so they can justify a break up and blame it on the other person or at the very least absolve them from any “guilt” about leaving. This almost always results in ill will and damaged egos and bruised feelings. You don’t need to justify why you want out. The fact that you want out is justification enough.

If breaking up is what someone truly wants to do, then just do it. Don’t cause a rift. Don’t pick a fight. Don’t blame, shame or guilt the other person. Do the break up cleanly, with integrity and by taking the high road. You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond,”This just no longer works for me and I am moving on with my life. I wish you the best.”

If you aren’t happy with your relationship and you know there is no potential for a future with your partner, you are doing both of you a favor by moving on. Time is a precious commodity we can’t afford to waste and we can never get it back. Empower yourself by moving forward and find the love you are looking for. Learn from your current situation by making a fair and impartial assessment of the dynamics that did and did not work and improve yourself to attract what it is you truly want.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

March 26, 2012

Mad Men Great on TV - Not In Real Life

   by Linda Franklin

 
Mad Men Era - Lets Not Go Back There Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman
Mad Men is back and bigger than ever.  That show illustrates how political correctness was not even a small concern for the advertising salesmen of Madison Avenue when they successfully pitched their client’s brand campaigns.

The ads from the 1960s were breathtakingly unconcerned with sexism as they appealed to men’s macho side, using images of subservient women as a way to sell everything from wrinkle-free trousers to boldly patterned neckties.

The popularity of Mad Men has kept many hooked on an era when drinks were strong, cigarettes popular…and women kept firmly in their place.

In the current political climate it’s entirely possible that women’s rights are heading back to where they were in the 60′s.  Let’s stand together so that doesn’t happen.  We have come too far and worked too hard to go backwards.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

March 08, 2012

Cheating Spouse? – 9 Giveaway Signs

  by Linda Franklin

Cheating Spouse? - 9 Giveaway Signs Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanDid you ever have that gut feeling that’s telling you your spouse is up to no good. That maybe he has got something going on the side.  That nauseating feeling of betrayal is so horrible that you may consciously choose not to pay attention to the warning signs.  Knowing for sure can get ugly and your life could be turned upside down.  But wait a minute….

Don’t you owe it to yourself to know the truth?  Your happiness, your self-esteem, your financial future are on the line here.  It’s up to you to protect yourself.  If you don’t know the telltale signs of a cheating spouse, these nine signs provide pretty conclusive proof.

1. The sex

Your hubbie wants more sex. His libido is over stimulated, but it’s just sex – there is no emotion attached.  Of course, the other side of that coin is that he doesn’t want sex at all.

2. His Appearance

A cheating husband will make sure his hair looks right, and will start taking more interest going to the gym. (He can even use that time to have that secret rendesvous..who knows).

3. More Time Away From Home

Work obligations are demanding more of his time.  And, add to that, more out-of-town tmeetings.

4. He takes up a time-consuming hobby that doesn’t involve you

This regular hobby can include the gym (if you can call that health hobby), the library, jogging or some kind of sport. The less you are interested in it, the more chance of him taking it.

5. His cell phone has become his constant companion

A cheating husband needs to take his cell phone everywhere (Yes even to the bathroom with the door locked from the inside). This is just in case the other woman call or it’s for him to contact that other woman.

6. He eats less, or he has stomach upset

Not so smart cheater will have dinner with his secret lover and won’t have want to eat when he gets home.

7. You catch some lies – white lies, big lies..

You realize he’s been lying and getting better at covering them up. He avoids eye contact with you, and won’t participate in any discussion about infidelity. And when you push him to the edge ready to prove that he’s lying, he’ll get defensive or very angry. 

8. Emails – New email address, new passwords, no history

He is using the computer a lot. When you walk in the room he minimises all windows – or closes them altogether. When he finally gets off the computer nothing is left in the history. All temporary cookies are deleted too.

9. Obvious evidence

This can be perfume on his laundry items, lipstick on his collar or shirt, or even the fact that he wants to do his own laundry. Hair can also be evidence (Like…you see blonde hair in his car, and your hair is black)

On top of these signs of infidelity, you’ll find that a cheating husband will stare off into space a lot, talking much less and losing interest in you and the family

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

February 10, 2012

Sexually Checked In Or Out To Lunch?

 by Staci Haines 

Sexually Check in or Out To Lunch? Staci Haines The Real Cougar WomanHave you ever had those sexual experiences where you or your partners were out to lunch while you were having sex? Maybe you were waiting for the sex to be over, thinking about the proverbial grocery list, or watching the wallpaper. Or perhaps it was your partner who was somewhere else. Maybe he or she seemed preoccupied, like nobody was home. It can be an especially terrible experience when you feel this lack and ask your partner something like, “Are you here? Are you thinking about something else?” and get the response “What you are talking about — I’m fine, what’s wrong with you?”

Even if the position is hot, the orgasm is good, and the person is someone you like, the lack of being there can leave the sex disappointing at best and empty at worst. Although we humans have all kinds of sex, from recreational to spiritual, on some level we have sex to connect with another human being. If being with another person didn’t matter, we’d stick to masturbating.

Most of us don’t talk about being present or checked in during sex.  You may decide it is not a big deal and just fill in for the person, act as if your lover is with you. Or, you may not know how to ask your partner to be present during sex, or not know how to be there yourself.

Dissociation at its core is a bodily or physiological phenomenon. The breath tends to get shallow in the upper chest. The small muscles in the body contract, so that blood flow is constricted and there is less sensation and emotion. The change of breath and muscle contraction can cause a sense of floating away, or not being able to connect with or notice others as a separate three-dimensional person.

Dissociation is an automatic bodily response that we have little control over. It can be brief or last over years depending on the cause and need for protection or shutting down.

People dissociate for lots of different reasons — it’s an automatic physiological response to high stress, danger, threat, or trauma. The threat can be large or small, real or imagined; the person must only perceive it as potentially dangerous. For some this is a new situation, or just the fact of being revealed or vulnerable, not necessarily a physical threat. For some people dissociation can be an automatic response left over from hurt or trauma that happened in the past. The dissociation can linger.

We are also culturally trained in it. Overall, our schooling, Western religions, and the violence we live around call us out of our senses and bodies and into a very mental, and at times anesthetized relationship, to ourselves, our bodies, other people and the world. What I mean by this is that our culture does not promote a life of being inside of and connected to our sensations and the information that comes from our bodies and physiology. We have learned to think of ourselves as a brain atop a body.

Presence is the Deciding Factor

Presence is the deciding factor for hot sex, satisfying and connected sex, and sex over time with the same partner. New positions and creative expression are important to quality sex, but if you or your partner are not present or checked in, the others do not matter as much. It may be difficult or impossible for a relationship to last if one partner is not present during sex.

If you are in the process of recovery from abuse or trauma, learning to be connected to your own body, sensations and emotions is a cornerstone of healing. Coming back into yourself by contacting your sensations and emotions will allow you to move through the pain and let it leave your body. You learn to respond to the present rather than automatically dissociating out of the past hurt or trauma.

When you are checked in you can feel your own sensations, emotions, boundaries, and sense of what you care about. You can be in the experience you are having rather than just thinking about it in your head. The other great piece about being present is that you can pay attention to your partner as well as yourself. When we live in a dissociated state it is easy to have people become living symbols in our minds, instead of real flesh in our beds with us.

You can feel the difference of presence. Most people talk about a magnetism, or sense of ease or trust that they notice when someone is present with them. There is a different possibility for being connected, and having a sense of meaning, depth or playfulness.

Being checked in or present is a learned skill that takes a little practice. If you are used to being off somewhere else during sex, it may seem strange at first to have your attention on your experience. To practice being checked in, bring your focus and attention into your own body, sensations, emotions and thoughts. While attending to yourself in this way, also pay attention to your partner. Practice paying attention to both yourself and your partner at the same time. (At first, it may seem like patting your head and rubbing your stomach.)

Notice how long can you stay present before you want to float off again. If you find yourself wanting to be away from the experience instead of present for it, see how that makes you feel. There may be information there for you. To get really good at being present during sex, practice noticing and feeling yourself from the neck down in your everyday life.

The practice of checking in during sex may be the best thing you ever give to your sex life and intimate relationships.

Staci Haines is the author of The Survivor’s Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life after Child Sexual Abuse. She is a somatic practitioner specializing in trauma and recovery and teaches Somatics at Rancho Strozzi Institute in Northern California.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

January 25, 2012

Modesty Move Over - It's All About Shameless Self Promotion

by Linda Franklin 

 
 
Stand out from the crowd: Don't be afraid to promote yourself if you want to be successfulStand out from the crowd: Don’t be afraid to promote yourself if you want to be successful.
 
Women do understand that self-promotion is the key to success, but too many shy away from it. Why is that? Could it be the notion that it’s inherently unfeminine to champion yourself?

Not only are women bad at self-promotion, sometimes we do the exact opposite.

Peninah Thomson, chief executive of the Mentoring Foundation which aims to get more women round the boardroom table, says: ‘Women are more likely to tell you three good reasons why they’re not ready for promotion, whereas a man will give you ten good reasons why you should promote him, even if they are of equal ability.

It’s natural to thrive when you are reminded how good you are, but women by nature, are terribly self-critical.  We have to get over believing that self-promotion is not about puffing yourself up, it is merely stating the truth about your achievements with poise and confidence.

Women also need to assume authority rather than waiting to be given it.

Findings by the international research group Catalyst has found that self-promotion is the single most effective key to women’s success, not just in business but romance and friendship, too.

Those who did the most to make their achievements known advanced further, were more satisfied with their careers and got better pay rises than those who didn’t.

There are times when modesty is appropriate — giving credit to your team for example — and times when it isn’t. There are very few examples of senior executives who are soft-spoken introverts.’

So what can women do to boost their self-confidence — and consequently their willingness to self-promote — in the workplace?

First and foremost, it’s taking the time and having the endurance to get sufficient road under your tires. In other words, climbing the ladder demands resilience and hard work, not just telling yourself you’re a star.

Along the way you need to invest in yourself, by adding to your qualifications. And then there are things such as public speaking, which is essential today, and learning the skills of networking.  You can’t put a price on networking.  Today getting ahead is all about relationship building.  

Women have to learn not to take the safe road.  Success is all about taking risks.

Here’s a few tips for successfully blowing your own horn:

  • Volunteer rather than waiting to be asked.
  • Take a risk — such as working abroad for six months.
  • Strike a balance between confidence and over-confidence.
  • Be visible rather than a wall flower.
  • Request a pay increase and come prepared with your list of accomplishments.  
  • Focus on your successes rather than your failures.
  • Network, network, network.
  • Seek out a mentor, someone who will champion you. People love to give advice.
  • Dress for the job you want.

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