Love Posts

May 09, 2012

Sastisfying a Woman Sexually Can Only Be Taught By Women

by Linda Franklin

Sastisfying a Woman Sexually Can Only Be Taught Women Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanSatisfying a woman sexually isn’t rocket science, but men just keep doing the same-old, same-old without trying to educate themselves on what woman want.  That male-ego subborness results in anger, confustion and frustration for both the man and the woman.

Men have to learn to ask for specific directions from someone who knows how to get where they want to go. Typically they are getting their sex tips from porn and men’s magazines.  So, let’s face it – the average man is  CLUELESS on how to satisfy a woman.

The only way to learn how to please a woman sexually is information from other women.

Men really don’t have any idea what they’re missing, one man admits.  He says, “a completely satisfied woman is the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.”  He’s right!  When the lady is happy the world is a happier place for everyone.

I am not a sexologist but if you want to learn everything you can about female sexuality, I suggest you check out this site.  Betty Dodson, author, and PhD sexologist has been one of the principal voices for women’s sexual pleasure and health for over three decades.  Both Betty and her partner Carlin Ross believe the following:

* Masturbation is the foundation for all human sexual activity.

* Sexual repression begins with the prohibition of childhood masturbation.

* Every individual is entitled to contraception. Intentional motherhood is essential for the health and well being of women, children, men and the planet.

* Comprehensive sex education that includes information on how to achieve sexual pleasure in a variety of sex styles and relationships.

* Feedom to choose from a range of different lifestyles such as remaining single, couples living together casually, monogamous or open marriages and all variations of communal living based upon personal choice.

* Eliminating myths surrounding human sexuality from virginity to monogamous marriage.

* The concept of beauty is arbitrary and controlled by corporations that prey on women’s lack of self-esteem.

* Sexual pleasure and orgasm is the source of life and creativity. As we awaken our bodies through the senses, we awaken our minds to the knowledge that we are all related and connected to every living thing on planet Earth and throughout the vast universe.

Both men and women will learn volumes about women’s sexuality by reseraching their site.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

April 25, 2012

Is He The One? 8 Ways To Know

Is He The One? 8 Ways To Know Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Womanby Linda Franklin

Women often wonder if they are making the right choice – especially when it comes to their man.  Yes, at the beginning everything is glorious, but when you take off the rose-colored glasses you may not be so sure.  Your dream man too often can morph into your worst nightmare.

Here’s eight ways that can help you to decide if you are heading down the right road with the right guy.

1. Comfortability – You may have just met him but feel you have known him for years. 

2. Meeting of the minds – Your goals, morals and ethics are pretty much rooted in the same beliefs.

3 Mutual respect and admiration- You encourage each other to be the best you can be - not compete for who’s the alpha dog..

4.  Acceptance – You accept each other for who you are - warts and all. If he is constantly criticizing you or correcting you  – run for the hills!!

5.  Forgiveness Without Resentment – It’s easy to say you forgive your man but be very sure you are not building up a wall of resentment when you do.

6. Sexual Combatability – You can’t fake it – either it’s there or it isn’t. Don’t shortchange yourself.

7. Strength of Character -  You deserve a stand-up guy.  Someone who doesn’t just talk the talk but has demonstrated that he will be there for you in good times and bad.  

8. Financially Responsible - You want a guy who earns and spends his money wisely.  Of course, you have to be on that same responsibility track yourself.  You know how dicey money problems can get. 

Relationships are tough.  Be open and honest right from the start and you will definetely have a leg up on happiness.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

April 20, 2012

Woman’s Erotic Fantasies – A Runaway Best Seller

by

Woman's Erotic Fantasies - A Runaway Best Seller by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Womanby Linda Franklin

Who knew that the woman who just wrote this year’s most popular erotic novel to be the shy type and yet writer E.L. James is modesty to the core.

Despite the explicit content of her bestselling book, Fifty Shades of Grey, the author is still reeling at the unprecedented success and still doubles up in embarrassed laughter talking about it.

During an interview in Paris, the cheerful but self-deprecating British author admitted that she finds it ‘excruciating’ to discuss the fine points of the novel and called the work her own personal ‘mid-life crisis.’ 

Talking to TODAY, the former television producer and suburban mother who wrote the Fifty Shades trilogy in two years, said she had no idea why it had sparked such a phenomenon as, as far as she can see, there is nothing revolutionary about it. 
 
Asked whether she knew it would be such a hit, Ms James laughed: ‘No, not at all. I was amazed. I am stunned by its popularity.’ But she admitted the process was all-consuming as over the course of two years she did nothing but write, composing notes on her phone when she was out and ‘beaming’ them onto her Mac when she got home.

Joking about her unorthodox work method she smiled cheekily when asked if wine helped the flow of raunchy ideas, and said: ‘I always need a couple of glasses of wine’.

The lurid tale of sexual submission has been a sensation among women everywhere. While women have admitted to squirming in their seat on reading the lurid tale of Anastasia Steele and her sadomasochistic millionaire boyfriend Christian Grey, Ms James is not so forthcoming with her feelings on the subject matter.

Though she does admit the book is her ‘midlife crisis in Technicolor. All my fantasies are out there. When it came to talking about real life however, the author opened up about what she feels women really want.

‘I think in real life you want someone very, very different. You want someone who does the dishes,’ she said before adding that the reason her hero is rich and domineering is because ‘that’s really attractive on paper.’

The book that sold a staggering two million copies in one month realizes the secret fantasy of the submissive sexual encounter, a longing that many women may indeed harbor.

Ms James agreed: ‘Once you’re in charge of your job, your house, your children, getting food on the table, doing all of this all of the time, it would be nice for someone else to just be in charge for a little while.

Now Lifetime is doing a talk show based on the book and a movie may be in the works as well.  Hmm  - maybe I should drop everything I’m doing and get all my sexual fantasies down on paper.  

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

April 16, 2012

Perfection Causes Pain Especially In Relationships

by Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D 

If you are looking for the perfect partner or trying to be one – think twice. Perfection is painfully unrealistic for individuals and emotionally costly for couples.. While there is no doubt that striving to be your personal best and feeling good about your efforts is healthy as well as relationship enhancing – perfectionism is something else.

Perfectionism is the belief that a state of completeness and flawlessness can and should be attained. The literature on perfectionism underscores that there is an important difference between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism. It is a difference worth considering.

Adaptive Perfectionism involves striving for high standards as motivational and encouraging but there is choice in the pursuit.

Maladaptive perfectionism is different. Those with maladaptive perfectionism don’t really have a choice to strive or excel. They have a pervasive need to achieve an unrealistic standard of perfection as a proof of self-worth. This is the woman who can’t invite friends for dinner because she demands that she cook complicated gourmet recipes and fears failure. This is the partner who avoids sexuality because she is not yet the perfect weight. This is the man who can never enjoy a family vacation because nothing is ever perfect. Frequently those with maladaptive perfectionism have unrealistic expectations of the significant others in their lives. If their partner is not the most successful, the center of the party, the most desirable, the most intelligent etc., their fragile self-worth is compromised.

Just reading the definitions  may be an important first step in identification of a pattern. 

Couple relationships can replay or replace early attachment patterns and they can exacerbate the maladaptive need to be perfect with critique, competitive demands and unrealistic expectations. Recognizing the things that are interfering with your happiness – and agreeing to work together – may reduce blame and double your chances of success.

You can build a secure attachment as you work together using some techniques for reducing perfectionism. Lower anxiety by recognizing that addressing perfectionism does not equate to accepting mediocrity – it equates to striving without suffering. Agree to risk trying just a few new things. Agree to risk making mistakes together. 

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

April 09, 2012

Embracing Who and Where You Are Today

on April 5, 2012

 

If you are a woman who has worked hard to achieve success, you probably will become deeply frustrated when you discover you can no longer satisfy your desires as quickly as you might like. It feels like you are stuck and don’t appreciate that these delays may be laying the foundation for future accomplishments that you have not yet conceived. Or the universe may have plans for you that differ from the worldly aspirations you have pursued up until this point.

Clearly, our self-created timetable and the timetable the universe has set up for us are on two different tracks. However, every person fulfills their purpose when the time is right.

When delays in our progress kindle pangs of disappointment or the pace of life seems overwhelming, peace can be found in the simple fact that we are exactly where we need to be at this moment.

Allow yourself to embrace a postponement of progress as an auspicious opportunity to prepare for what is yet to come. If, however, you feel as though the universe is pushing you forward at too fast a clip, you may be unwittingly resisting your destiny.

Your unease regarding the speed of your progress could be a sign that you need to cultivate awareness within yourself and learn to move with the flow of fate rather than against it. The universe puts nothing in your path that you are incapable of handling, so you can rest assured that you are ready to grow into your new situation.

You may feel compelled to judge your personal success using your age, your professional position, your level of education, or the accomplishments of your peers as a yardstick. Yet we all enjoy the major milestones in our lives at the appropriate time; some realize their dreams as youngsters while others flourish only in old age. If you take pride in your many accomplishments and make the most of every circumstance in which you find yourself, your time will come.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

April 02, 2012

Lifetime Thinks 7 Days of Sex Can Save Your Marriage

  Lifetime Thinks 7 Days of Sex Can Save Your MarriagePosted on March 30, 2012

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Lifetime Thinks 7 Days of Sex Can Save Your Marriage Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanThe amount of sex on television isn’t going to be cut down anytime soon as Lifetime announced “7 Days of Sex” a show that challenges couples to report back about their nightly trysts.   It appear that Lifetime believes the only way to attract viewers is to resort to having lots of sexual content.  Another upcoming show is ‘The Client List’ which is about a real life mom-turned-prostitute.

7 Days of Sex, will highlight couples who have hit a breaking point in their relationship and are trying to save their marriage by having sex every night for one week.  According to the network, the couples will ‘attempt to make radical fixes to their troubled relationships by asking the frank question: can a diet of daily sex help them recharge their marriage? 

Each episode will feature two couples and see how their relationship progresses over the course of their given week.  If only it was that simple.

Lifetime says, “‘7 Days of Sex is a reflection of the challenges in our relationships — balancing time, family, work and trying to achieve real intimacy while being honest and true to ourselves.”

If you are interested enought to tune in, the première episode airs on April 26th.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

March 30, 2012

Leaving The Relationship First - Someone Has To

 By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

Leaving The Relationship First - Someone Has To Dr. Fayr Barkley The Real Cougar WomanThe more I listen to people, the more I learn. In fact, I learn more by listening than I do by talking. No surprise there. But what is surprising is that I hear a common refrain from both men and women about leaving a relationship.They want to leave but are waiting for the other person to make the first move.

They are actually hoping the other will make some grand, unforgivable relationship faux pas so they can justify breaking up, as opposed to just initiating “the talk” with their partner and calling it quits.

Another thing I hear people doing is picking ridiculous fights with their partner or purposely doing something to annoy or tick the other person off. They are provoking conflict so they can justify a break up and blame it on the other person or at the very least absolve them from any “guilt” about leaving. This almost always results in ill will and damaged egos and bruised feelings. You don’t need to justify why you want out. The fact that you want out is justification enough.

If breaking up is what someone truly wants to do, then just do it. Don’t cause a rift. Don’t pick a fight. Don’t blame, shame or guilt the other person. Do the break up cleanly, with integrity and by taking the high road. You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond,”This just no longer works for me and I am moving on with my life. I wish you the best.”

If you aren’t happy with your relationship and you know there is no potential for a future with your partner, you are doing both of you a favor by moving on. Time is a precious commodity we can’t afford to waste and we can never get it back. Empower yourself by moving forward and find the love you are looking for. Learn from your current situation by making a fair and impartial assessment of the dynamics that did and did not work and improve yourself to attract what it is you truly want.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

March 26, 2012

Mad Men Great on TV - Not In Real Life

   by Linda Franklin

 
Mad Men Era - Lets Not Go Back There Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman
Mad Men is back and bigger than ever.  That show illustrates how political correctness was not even a small concern for the advertising salesmen of Madison Avenue when they successfully pitched their client’s brand campaigns.

The ads from the 1960s were breathtakingly unconcerned with sexism as they appealed to men’s macho side, using images of subservient women as a way to sell everything from wrinkle-free trousers to boldly patterned neckties.

The popularity of Mad Men has kept many hooked on an era when drinks were strong, cigarettes popular…and women kept firmly in their place.

In the current political climate it’s entirely possible that women’s rights are heading back to where they were in the 60′s.  Let’s stand together so that doesn’t happen.  We have come too far and worked too hard to go backwards.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

February 13, 2012

Naughty Valentines Day

By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.

Naughty Valentine's Day Fayr Barkley The Real Cougar WomanIf you remember my Blog from last Valentine’s Day, you will know this is not my favorite time of year. It’s great if you are in a good relationship, but if your relationship is less than or doesn’t exist at all, hearing your girlfriends excitement about where they will be dining, what they’ll be wearing and what they’ll be getting only amplifies your own loneliness.
Well, this year I have decided to do something a little naughty. A very handsome and successful young man I know is coming into town. We’ll be meeting at one of Beverly Hill’s finest restaurants. He asked me, coyly, what I’d be wearing. I told him I had not brought anything back from holiday with me that is appropriate. He suggested he take me shopping and we’d pick out something nice together.
 
Well, that got the little passion cogs in my brain turning. I said to him, “Instead of shopping together, why don’t you go out and get me something you’d like to see me in? An outfit complete with sexy little underthings would be nice.” I then told him I’d meet him at the restaurant in a black trench coat and once seated at the table he could hand me the shopping bag. I’d then slip upstairs to the ladies’ room and put them on and come back down to our table where champagne would be waiting. We’d dine on succulent delicacies, sip champagne and who knows? Perhaps we’ll go back to the L’Ermitage Hotel and his room for dessert. 
 
A girl can dream, can’t she?
 
Valentine’s Day. What are you doing? Do you plan to be naughty or nice?
 

 The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest

February 10, 2012

Sexually Checked In Or Out To Lunch?

 by Staci Haines 

Sexually Check in or Out To Lunch? Staci Haines The Real Cougar WomanHave you ever had those sexual experiences where you or your partners were out to lunch while you were having sex? Maybe you were waiting for the sex to be over, thinking about the proverbial grocery list, or watching the wallpaper. Or perhaps it was your partner who was somewhere else. Maybe he or she seemed preoccupied, like nobody was home. It can be an especially terrible experience when you feel this lack and ask your partner something like, “Are you here? Are you thinking about something else?” and get the response “What you are talking about — I’m fine, what’s wrong with you?”

Even if the position is hot, the orgasm is good, and the person is someone you like, the lack of being there can leave the sex disappointing at best and empty at worst. Although we humans have all kinds of sex, from recreational to spiritual, on some level we have sex to connect with another human being. If being with another person didn’t matter, we’d stick to masturbating.

Most of us don’t talk about being present or checked in during sex.  You may decide it is not a big deal and just fill in for the person, act as if your lover is with you. Or, you may not know how to ask your partner to be present during sex, or not know how to be there yourself.

Dissociation at its core is a bodily or physiological phenomenon. The breath tends to get shallow in the upper chest. The small muscles in the body contract, so that blood flow is constricted and there is less sensation and emotion. The change of breath and muscle contraction can cause a sense of floating away, or not being able to connect with or notice others as a separate three-dimensional person.

Dissociation is an automatic bodily response that we have little control over. It can be brief or last over years depending on the cause and need for protection or shutting down.

People dissociate for lots of different reasons — it’s an automatic physiological response to high stress, danger, threat, or trauma. The threat can be large or small, real or imagined; the person must only perceive it as potentially dangerous. For some this is a new situation, or just the fact of being revealed or vulnerable, not necessarily a physical threat. For some people dissociation can be an automatic response left over from hurt or trauma that happened in the past. The dissociation can linger.

We are also culturally trained in it. Overall, our schooling, Western religions, and the violence we live around call us out of our senses and bodies and into a very mental, and at times anesthetized relationship, to ourselves, our bodies, other people and the world. What I mean by this is that our culture does not promote a life of being inside of and connected to our sensations and the information that comes from our bodies and physiology. We have learned to think of ourselves as a brain atop a body.

Presence is the Deciding Factor

Presence is the deciding factor for hot sex, satisfying and connected sex, and sex over time with the same partner. New positions and creative expression are important to quality sex, but if you or your partner are not present or checked in, the others do not matter as much. It may be difficult or impossible for a relationship to last if one partner is not present during sex.

If you are in the process of recovery from abuse or trauma, learning to be connected to your own body, sensations and emotions is a cornerstone of healing. Coming back into yourself by contacting your sensations and emotions will allow you to move through the pain and let it leave your body. You learn to respond to the present rather than automatically dissociating out of the past hurt or trauma.

When you are checked in you can feel your own sensations, emotions, boundaries, and sense of what you care about. You can be in the experience you are having rather than just thinking about it in your head. The other great piece about being present is that you can pay attention to your partner as well as yourself. When we live in a dissociated state it is easy to have people become living symbols in our minds, instead of real flesh in our beds with us.

You can feel the difference of presence. Most people talk about a magnetism, or sense of ease or trust that they notice when someone is present with them. There is a different possibility for being connected, and having a sense of meaning, depth or playfulness.

Being checked in or present is a learned skill that takes a little practice. If you are used to being off somewhere else during sex, it may seem strange at first to have your attention on your experience. To practice being checked in, bring your focus and attention into your own body, sensations, emotions and thoughts. While attending to yourself in this way, also pay attention to your partner. Practice paying attention to both yourself and your partner at the same time. (At first, it may seem like patting your head and rubbing your stomach.)

Notice how long can you stay present before you want to float off again. If you find yourself wanting to be away from the experience instead of present for it, see how that makes you feel. There may be information there for you. To get really good at being present during sex, practice noticing and feeling yourself from the neck down in your everyday life.

The practice of checking in during sex may be the best thing you ever give to your sex life and intimate relationships.

Staci Haines is the author of The Survivor’s Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life after Child Sexual Abuse. She is a somatic practitioner specializing in trauma and recovery and teaches Somatics at Rancho Strozzi Institute in Northern California.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

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