Jane Fonda A Real Cougar at 72

Actress, activist and fitness icon Jane Fonda has been aging with grace and beauty. But she's not going to let anyone think it happens without effort.  We all know that every decade looking fabulous becomes a little more challenging, but isn't the extra work involved well worth it?  

Last week Jane blogged about her recent plastic surgery procedures on janefonda.com,  She wanted to let other women in on her secrets for looking so spectacular at 72.

So what did she do?  She had 'work' done on her chin and neck and had the bags taken away from under her eyes.  Then she got a new hair cut so people will think it was her new hair that made her look so good.  How smart is that?

Jane says, "I swore in 2000 I'd never have anything done again but this year I got tired of not looking like how I feel.  I wanted a more refined chin so I changed my mind. I'm still a little swollen but not much and what pleases me is that I won't looked pulled or weird...or tired all the time. And my crows feet are still alive and well. I wish I'd been brave enough to not do anything but, instead, I chose to be a somewhat more glamorous grandma. So there."

Jane has the right attitude and I'm betting she keeps her younger boyfriend, music producer Richard Perry on his toes.

Cougars At 50 Are Turning Ageism Upside Down

Are you afraid of turning 50?  I know I was.  I thought 50 was the threshold to old age and I wasn't ready to cross over that precipice.  I am not naive and I know that your 50's introduce a new decade of things to deal with - hot flashes, sags, wrinkles, changing relationships - but once you get a handle on them life can be sweeter than ever.  

There are Real Cougars over 50 who see themselves as sexy, smart and confident. But, there are other women who view the fifth decade as nothing more than one step closer to assisted living. Fifty gets you thinking of all the things that may now be impossible  - a sexy wardrobe, a new career or even a 30 something boyfriend.  

But, hold on!.  What if your thinking is all wrong? What if you could have all those things?

The reality is we don't have to become the withering flowers that society assures us we will.  The choice of how we view aging and how we age is up to us.  I admit I am still fighting some of the aging demons myself, but with every new idea, with every new friend I make, with every new risk I take my zest for life only gets juicier. 

My advice to all of your Real Cougars over 50 - keep those stilettos close by -  you are going to need them.

Feminism Is Making A Comeback

Women today, especially today, need to embrace being their fullest potential selves—feminine, sexy, warm, loving—everything the word "feminine" stands for.  Strong qualities like powerful and successful just round out the perfect package. 

 

Perhaps feminism this much maligned word is coming back just in time.

I see too many women rushing around trying to do it all, but meanwhile they're not being it all! They're not being their fullest, best feminine selves. Instead, they're being tougher than they'd like to be as well as more exhausted, strident and irritable, thereby feeling unattractive inside and out. All while suffering from guilt over the stuff they did not manage to squeeze into their over-booked schedules.

I know this firsthand because I've personally experienced this over-emphasis on doing, doing, doing. The irony? Whenever I do take the time to tap into "feminine-ism"—this energy of simply being by indulging in a meditative and self-nurturing massage or a hot bubble bath—that's when I feel my most powerful.

Almost from the introduction of the word "feminism" into our world, the definition has become corroded to mean something less than complimentary than its original intent. Somewhere along the line, to be a feminist started to mean a woman who's basically unattractive both in looks and spirit. 

Women don't have to make a choice between feminine or powerful and successful. We can be all those things and more.

Valentine's Day And The Single Cougar

Valentine's Day can be a real downer if you happen to be a single cougar.  All the hype about love and romance can land you in a funk, if you let it.. My suggestion for this Sunday is don't  focus on what you don't have, simply decide to celebrate with what you do have instead.  There are so many ways to have lots of fun on February 14th - it just takes a little creativity and a good attitude. 

Here are a few ways to paint the town red.

Have Dinner with Friends
Go out to a nice restaurant - have a great meal and a decadent dessert.  You deserve the best regardless of relationship status.

Toast Your Friends and Your Life
Yes, go for the champagne.  Toast the good things in your life and your good friends. Go around the table and have everbody make a wish for what they want most for next Valentine's Day.

Buy Cards for Friends and Neighbors
Do you know someone who is sick, single, older and/or alone? Is there someone who often helps you at work? Brighten their day and yours by remembering them on Valentine's Day.

Celebrate with Your Children
Your kids can make your Valentine's Day very special. Make a big deal of the holiday for them. Cook a special meal, put chocolate hearts in their lunch boxes, or have a family game night. Whatever your family would like - do it up and share the love.

It's Just One Day
Remember it's just one day.  Keep reminding yourself  that you are the magnet that attracts life's experiences to you.  Happy attracts happy.  Fun attracts fun.  Passion attracts passion. You get the idea.  So have a blast - stay in that good place on Valentine's and all the days that follow.  If you do this that Valentine's wish you made will become a reality quicker than you can imagine.

Discovering how to make yourself happy is the best Valentine's Day gift you could possibly give yourself.

Cougar Cruise For Women Only!

I don't know why the media is so interested in the cancellation of Carnival's Cougar Cruises.  This inane coverage only propagates more negativity around the term cougar and for all women over 40.  Don't take my word for it - judge for yourself.  Here are a couple of statements pulled from one of the articles - "It seemed it was finally acceptable for sex-hungry older women to hunt down younger men for romance.  And, "Carnival doesn't want predatory women prowling the decks for boy toys".  Nice huh?

 

I don't know why Carnival decided to pull the plug on these cruises, and I really don't care.  In this economy grabbing a piece of the travel dollar is crucial so it didn't take long for other cruise lines to announce they would be delighted to step up and grab the business.

 

Here's what I want to do - organize a Cougar Cruise for women only.  That's something that would be beneficial for all of us. Real Cougars are not man hungry.  In fact, they refuse to be defined by any man regardless of age.  We are strong, confident, independent women who are busy trying to deal with life after 40 and all the changes we are experiencing.  The women who join my Real Cougar Woman Club are looking for support and they are looking for ways to empower themselves.  We all need more TLC and less negative press on how desperate we are.

Real Cougar Stress Busters

Doesn't it seem that everyone you talk to these days is complaining about an ache, a pain, or a flu that just won't go away. In my opinion, that's because we are compromising our immune system.. After all how much stress can we load on our body before it retaliates? 

When we are stressed our adrenal glands are working overtime.  We pump extra adrenaline, cortisol and other hormones that make our muscles tense up, our digestive tract slow down, our blood vessels constrict and our hearts beat faster.  Is it any wonder we end up with migraine headaches, TMJ, knots in our necks and shoulders and lower back pain?  Think about it. How many of these symptoms are you experiencing?

Here's something else stress does - it kills off our brain cells.  How many of us can afford that? 

Here are a few suggestions on how to reduce your stress levels. 

• Exercise - it releases endorphins and uses up excess adrenaline & cortisol
• Sleep -  that's when our immune system replenishes itself
• Eat healthier - when we are stressed we go right for the comfort food - don't do it
• Healthy Thinking - focus on that what's possible not the what is

I am using all of these stress busters and they do work if used consistently. Another thing that helps is a really good massage at least twice a month. Massage helps get rid of the toxic buildup in your body.  Today massage isn't a luxury it's a necessity.  Go ahead you deserve it.      

Elizabeth Gilbert and I Are Skeptical About Marriage

In her bestselling memoir, "Eat, Pray, Love," Elizabeth Gilbertchronicled the time she spent traveling through Italy, India and Indonesia carbo-loading, meditating and seeking balance after suffering through a bitter divorce. At the end of her journey, she fell in love with a Brazilian man, and as far as readers knew, was off to live happily ever after. 

Well, not so fast, as Gilbert's new memoir, "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage" explains. It turns out, after she and Felipe decided to commit their lives to one another sans marriage, the U.S. government stepped in at a border crossing and explained to the couple that Felipe wouldn't be able to re-enter the country unless they were married.

Gilbert, who had sworn off marriage, submerged herself in research on the institution in an attempt to come to terms with it before entering into it again. She interviewed family, friends, and wives in various cultures, and examined the history of marriage and how it's evolved over time.

Elizabeth says, "divorce is the tax we pay for choosing as a culture to believe in love. But I will live with that because I believe in love, but it's also dangerous. We have to turn on the fluorescent light to recognize that marriage may have a fairytale beginning, but a real world ending. That's another reason why marriage is not a game for the young: You don't recognize the differences between affection and reality until you've been banged around a little bit".

I too am a skeptic about marriage.  I lived with my husband for over twenty years before we got married.  In my book "Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am" one of my favorite chapters is entitled You Don't Complete Me.  Anybody who enters into marriage because they think another person has the magic to make you happy will  be very disappointed. 

Real Cougars Are Redefining Happiness

What is the cherished gift we spend our entire lives searching for?  The answer is happiness. 

Happiness is often referred to as 'the elusive butterfly' and that's because we're not really sure what it is, where to find it or what it should feel like when we do.  To compensate for not having that special feeling we spend our lives trying to do things that will distract us from the pain we feel.  We work too hard, watch too much television, spend too much money, spend too much time online, drink too much, have sex with with the wrong people and the list goes on. 

So what can you do to catch this 'elusive butterfly'?  Here are a 5 principles that have worked really well for me.  I'm not saying that I have this happiness thing completely figured out but I am making progress.  

• start looking at every obstacle as hidden opportunity
• don't compare yourself to anyone else - know what really turns YOU on
• understand that as you grow the things that make you happy change - don't hold on to the past
• know that inner happiness can't be taken away - it's your gift to yourself
• in place of distractions do things that touch your heart

As you look at your life this New Year I hope you will consider following these five principles.  If you do a new kind of happiness will be born - a happiness that no one can take away.

Real Cougars Love Gifts From The Heart

As much as our men love us and think they know us, sometimes they need a little help when it comes to gift giving.  What we really want are gifts given from the heart.  Small loving gestures that show us just how much we are appreciated.  

If you want to help your guy make a list of the things that would really make your heart sing.and just casually slip it under his pillow.  Here are just a few suggestions to get your creative juices cranking.

• a very personal email three times a week just to say he's thinking of you
• a note left in the morning telling you to meet him for a sexy rendezvous that evening
• give up one Sunday afternoon football game and do something fun together
• take over one of the household chores (you choose)
• ask him to join a gym and start taking better care of his health - lots of brownie points for this one
• listen to me without trying to solve my problem - just let me know I'm being heard
• turn one of my sexual fantasies into a reality (again you choose)

These heartfelt gifts will keep the spark alive all year round.  And, you might want to return the favor by asking him to prepare a list of the things that will make his heart sing.  Afer all, Valentine's Day is just around the corner.

 

Happy Holidays!

Diamond Alignment A Gift That Keeps On Giving

In the days preceding the holidays our stress levels go right through the roof.  Worrying about what to buy for who and how to pay for them takes a big toll. The second year of the recession has been particularly rough for so many people.  That's why this free gift couldn't come at a more perfect time.

The gift is a free 22 day subscription for a process called Diamond Alignment.  What the Diamond does is empower you to create a multi-faceted life - spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and materially.  In short it is a Wealth of Being and who couldn't use that? 

No matter how great your losses, how large your challenges or how deep your pain  ... in just 6 minutes, you are regenerated and aligned with your unlimited power.

I have doing Diamond Alignment twice a day for the last two months and can honestly say, I am less stressed and the things I want most are coming to me so much faster.  When you are in the zone, aligned with what you want, it makes such a big difference.

Try Diamond Alignment for 22 days and see how it enables you to master your challenges with greater ease and grace.  And, don't forget to pay-it-forward.