Divorce After 50 - A Growing Trend

Have you noticed lately that more and more couplesin their 40's, 50's & 60's are getting a divorce?  Sadly, marriages are keeling over like ninepins, but now it's the women who are instigatingthe separation.  And, it's not because she has someone in the wings just waiting to keep her warm at night. Greater economic independence and the fact that 50 no longer spells the end of the road for women are just two of the reasons for the ever- spiraling divorce rate among older couples.

For better or for worse, Real Cougars are the first generation of women to turn traditional ideas of middle age on their head. We're back in the work force, and with more money and knowing that we can take care of ourselves financially, we are making very different decisions.  We are choosing where we want to be not where we believe we have to be.

If a woman's financial position is no longer a barrier to her moving on from an unhappy marriage, neither does age seem to hold us back from trying our luck romantically.We look better  -  and feel younger  -  than ever before. Whether it's with the help of a nip and tuck or Botox, or less drastically a sensible diet and exercise regime, we can still turn heads well into our 50's and 60's.

Our generation is more more prepared to approach our last few decades with a new set of priorities  -  albeit sometimes unprepared for the problems that can accompany them.

We need to approach our next act intelligently.  Before moving into the dating arena it's important to spend some quality time with ourselves deciding what we want most going forward. We also have to pay a visit to our doctors to get an education on STD's.  Things have changed a lot since we were out on the dating scene so it's important to be prepared for all situations.

Have you noticed lately that more and more couplesin their 40's, 50's & 60's are getting a divorce?  Sadly, marriages are keeling over like ninepins, but now it's the women who are instigatingthe separation.  And, it's not because she has someone in the wings just waiting to keep her warm at night. Greater economic independence and the fact that 50 no longer spells the end of the road for women are just two of the reasons for the ever- spiraling divorce rate among older couples.

Cougars And Their Teenage Daughters

I have been giving a lot of thought lately to the subject of aging.  It happens to all of us but some accept it more gracefully than others.  I opt for gracefully, but doing everything I can to say healthy, sexy, vibrant and passionate about life.  I just want to be the best I can be for the age that I am.

I don't have a teenage daughter but that doesn't mean I don't see how aware teenage girls are of their mother's fear, or, more accurately, their hatred, of aging. One girl said, "Every time I wrinkle my forehead, my mother points it out and tells me not to." Another spoke about "competitive dieting" with her mom, how she couldn't help but engage in it even though she thought her mother's obsession with fat was "crazy."

There is a study out from the Girl Scouts of the USA telling us what we already know, which is that the fashion industry and its use of ultra-thin models is making teenage girls too obsessed with being skinny, and distorting their body image. In my more limited unscientific research, the mothers are as strong an influence. Going on shopping trips with mom, usually a bonding experience, became all about hearing moms moan about their fat and rolls. Or seeing your mother trying on something, look in the mirror and say, ""I look ugly."

God knows, I am not advocating growing old naturally, just to remember what a tender fragile time adolescence is.  Daughters need their moms to be stable and secure.  I have so many friends who will tell me with surprise, when looking at photos of themselves when they were younger, "Hey, I was really cute. I didn't realize it." No one does. You have to get older to realize it.

Cougars Love Blazing New Trails

Every day I get emails from Real Cougars who are blazing new trails.  Their stories provide me with my daily dose of inspiration.  Here's one of those stories - one that many women will find all too familiar.

 

Linda, I just wanted to thank you so much for what you are doing.  I am reading your book now and I love the stories of women who have risen above and are helping other women.

 

I just got out of an 8 year relationship that headed down  dead end street.  He was 50, I am 45.  Leaving was one of the hardest things I have ever done, which is amazing because I have accomplished so much professionally, however personally I was a wreck.

 

I have worked hard and built up a successful financial services and CPA firm.  I did this while living in this very lonely relationship with a very controlling man.  Because of the stress at home I had put on 45 pounds and was miserable.  Finally I went to see a counselor who advised me to call it quits and I did.  Prior to that I went through eight breakups but always went back.  This time I worked through the fear and started down a new path. 

 

Your insightful comments about relationships in Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am really hit home.  It was after that I got out and put myself on Match.com and PerfectMatch.com.  After a few dates with older men I wanted to stab myself with a fork because they were so boring. I finally agreed to meet a 35 year old.  I can not tell you how much fun I had.  Younger men are definitely for me.

 

I found your website at the beginning of this journey and ordered your book.  I only wish I would have done this sooner.  I am having the time of my life.  I have lost 20 pounds so far and am on my way to loosing the rest.

 

Thanks again for all you are doing.  I look forward to continuing this journey with you and the other wonderful cougars.!

 

Eileen, thank you for sharing your story will all of us. 

Cougar Marriages - Just A Flash In The Pan?

Last week I was interviewed by Yolanda Sangweni at Essence Magazine.  The topic - cougar couples.  She wanted to know whether these relationships are here to stay or just a flash in the pan.  She was also curious to find out if there were any particular problems that pop up when an older woman and younger man decide they want to marry. 

Here are some of the questions she asked:

• are women taking the next step and marrying their younger boyfriends?
• does the generational gap affect their marriage?
• do younger men treat older women better than men their own age?
• what are the advantages to being with a younger man?

To find out what I have to say about cougar marriages, a topic that is of huge interest these days, you can read Yolanda's article online on the Essence.com website.

Vigara For Cougars - Don't Think So!

When Liz Canner was offered a job making erotic videos for women, she admitted she was interested   because it sounded like a good cause to get involved in.

The films were for a drug company called Vivus, which was developing an 'orgasm cream' to boost women's sex lives. They needed some female-friendly erotica to test sexual responses in women before and after treatment with their drug, to find out if it worked.

But the job didn't turn out the way Liz expected. Instead, she ended up making a shocking but hilarious film of her own, Orgasm Inc, which sets out to expose the drug companies and doctors who are now locked in a race to produce a 'female Viagra' - a treatment that promises women a super-charged sex life in a pill.

'The whole idea of these drugs is twisted,' she reveals. 'It's not about sexual empowerment for women, it's about exploiting women and making billions in profits for drug companies. 'They're creating a false idea of what constitutes a "good" or "normal" sex life just so we can all feel abnormal and then go and buy their products.'

Orgasm Incfollows Liz on a nine year journey as she meets CEOs of drug companies, researchers, doctors, scientists and therapists - all claiming to hold the key to the ultimate female sexual experience.

Ever since Viagra for men launched in 1998 and became one of the biggest-selling drugs in history.  It brought sexual dysfunction into the open - and not just for men. Women wanted to try it too.  For the first time, female sexual dysfunction was being taken seriously.

Taking a pill isn't always the answer.  It's wise to dig deeper - finding the root of the problem.

Reality Show Opp For Women In Southern California

A major reality TV production company has contacted me.  They are searching for a lively group of Southern California women who are into the excitement and drama of Bunco.   

 

Their show will feature several members of a Bunco group and document their lives inside and out of the world of the game, much like the Real Housewives.  They are specifically looking for full or partial groups in their late 20's to late 40's with dynamic personalities and exciting lives. 

 

If you haven't played the game before, it's not a problem.  The show focuses more on your interpersonal relationships than the game itself.  

Their archetype is a true embodiment of the "Real Cougar Woman"!  An empowered female who celebrates her accomplishments, her femininity and joi de vivre! 

Single, in a relationship or married, they are open to any and all, as long as you are fabulous!

If you are interested, please email your name, location, phone, email and recent picture to me at linda@therealcougarwoman.com.  I will forward it to the producer.

Thanks.

Cougar Love Is Alive and Well

After appearing on The Joy Behar Show last week, I got a flood of emails asking  - who was that guy on television with you?  He most definitely raised the hackles on the backs of lots of women, but I guess he feels that's his job.  His name is Steve Ward and he is a  self--proclaimed “dating pathologist” that appears on VH1's Tough Love.

I got the impression that Mr. Ward doesn't like women very much and particularly women over 40.  The Behar segment focused on cougar relationships and Steve doesn't approve of them. He thinks the guys are only there for sex and /or money, but who cares what he thinks?

I want to share with you just one of the hundreds of emails I received extolling the many virtues of cougar relationships.  These fabulous females are sharing their lives with men who love and adore them.  They have stopped listening to the advice of other people and started to listen to their own hearts.  The results have been outstanding.  What follows illustrates what I am saying.

"Linda, I haven't written to you in quite a while, but the catalyst for this note was your appearance on the Joy Behar Show the other night. As usual, you were well-spoken, fabulous and gorgeous, but that idiot that shared the space with you was so insulting and off base, ( I can't even remember his name), I just had to write and tell you that I couldn't believe it.)

My husband is 48 and I will be 66 in March. We just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary and have been together now for almost 22 years. Both of us are very active and enjoy life and enjoy each other. We are a loving, supportive couple. My husband is still advancing in his career and I am happily retired from mine. We adore my two daughters and four grandchildren. The age difference never bothers us, and he is definitely more mature than I am and always has been. Our marriage is better than most and I so resent that man's attitude." 

That's what I keep hearing from women all over the world.  Can they all be smoking funny stuff?  Cougar relationships, like all other relationships flourish when you put in the time and effort to make them work.  So Mr. Ward before you go around making ridiculous statements about who should love who, maybe you had better take a closer look at what love really is.

Cougars Getting Help Finding Jobs

I don't have to tell you that times are tough. This recession has delivered a severe blow to household incomes all over the country.  Today women who have not been employed in a long time have no choice but to return to the workforce. Many of these women are the Real Cougars in our community.  I have talked to many of them and they are nervous. They want to work but also want flexible work hours. They have found that can be a daunting task.

To try and find some answers I spoke with Allison O'Kelly, CEO of Mom Corps.  Her company offers full service staffing in Atlanta, Boston, Charlotte, New York and Washington.  They also offer franchising  opportunities to select markets throughout the United States.What's really great is Allison's specialty is finding jobs for women that offer flexible hours.

Here's how it works. Mom Corps supply companies top-tier, professionals “on demand”, while enabling their candidates seeking flexibility to pursue their professional careers. With Mom Corps, companies have immediate access to top talent. Once registered, candidates can search and apply directly to active jobs, access resume writing services, attend Mom Corps University workshops, and find tips, articles, and information on their “MOM-ents” blog to help them transition back into the workforce or into a new role.

Employers post jobs, search candidates, view resumes matching their criteria, and invite top candidates to apply directly to their job. In addition to offering employers access to candidates through the online Job Board, Mom Corps also performs contingent searches for clients.

So, if you are a Real Cougar looking for work, go take a look around Mom Corps.website. They have helped a lot of women and chances are they can help you too.

Cougar Couple Wanted For Discovery Channel

A producer doing a show on cougars for the Discovery Health Channel is asking for my help in finding a couple for their upcoming documentary.

 

This show will be a positve look at the dynamics of a Real Cougar Woman relationship.  It will be a look inside to discover why you were attracted to each other and what keeps you together.  I will be working on this show with the production company and I believe this programming will serve to help all women in cougar relationships.  After all the sensationalism surrounding cougars this would be a true and honest look at what really goes on.  

 

Here are a few of the details:

• They want an articulate, upbeat woman in her 50's or 60's in a relationship or married to a guy 15 to 20 years younger.
• They will be shooting this program in March and will travel to your location.
• You will be compensated for your participation.

If you want to be considered, please email me at linda@therealcougarwoman.com.  The email should contain a brief profile of you and your guy, all your contact information and a recent photo of the two of you.  The deadline is January 31st.  Upon receiving your information I will forward it to the producer of the show who will make the final decision and contact you personally.

 

This could be your chance to make a difference.

Cougars Still Getting A Bum Rap

Cougars are still getting a bum rap.  Every day now there is a unflattering story that vilifies women over 40.  Why?  Because they have the unmitigated gall to prefer younger men.  OMG can you think of anything worse?  Rare is the publication that does not feature the verb "prowl" in their articles about cougars.

Cynics may point out that, despite the tabloids’ unabated horror, powerful female celebrities with nubile younger men is not exactly new, with examples such as Mae West and Joan Collins (who surely earned the universe’s eternal adoration when, asked whether she was concerned about her and husband Percy’s 32-year age difference, replied, “If he dies, he dies”).

But these cynics are missing the point, because few things retain the ability to shock like the idea that a woman doesn’t necessarily float off on an iceberg of chastity after her 35th birthday. If Jack Nicholson has spent most of his life dating women born when he was already an adult, and been celebrated for it, why should women be la belled like animals in the zoo? Because of a woman, that’s why.

According to a 2001 article in the Globe and Mail of Toronto, “cougar” first appeared in 1999 in the name of a dating website, cougardate.com, after one of the site’s founders claimed her nephew told her that she was like a cougar, “in search of defenseless animals”.

Ten years later, Courteney Cox decided to build on her Friends success by starring in the TV show, Cougar Town, which makes having sex after 40 look about as fun as getting a pap smear in the middle of Times Square.

This weekend, a female columnist declared that “cougars have a short lifespan . . . one day it’s a hot thing, the next it’s hard work”. Shush, everyone out there, who’s protesting that sounds like every relationship in the world, and let’s give this journalist some credence. Of course, it would be easier to do that if she hadn’t cited the recent demise of the relationship between Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins as proof that “cougars have a short lifespan”, seeing as, reportedly, it was Sarandon, 63, who left Robbins, 51, not the other way round, despite Sarandon having “crossed the border”, whatever that means.

Golden Girl Blanche Devereaux said it best - “I’ve decided to overlook that minor detail [of age] and succumb to the Vesuvius of Passion that I feel pulsating inside of me".  I have to give credit to Hadley Freeman for the content in this blog posting.  I was happy to see other women are getting tired of all the negative press around cougars. To read her article click here.

It's Complicated - For Meryl Streep And Every Women Over 50

Meryl Streep at 60 is beautiful, she's at the height of her career and last night she won yet another award for her magnificent work in Julia and Julia.

Women all over the country looked forward to the release of another one of Streep's movies - It's Complicated.  It was the first time in a long time we've seen men in their 50's dating and being attracted to women their own age. 

All of us tend to repeat the mistakes of the past and are still vulnerable when it comes to matters of the heart.  We sometimes re-imagine past relationships, romanticizing them and their consequences and in doing so, miss out on something fabulous that’s waiting for us in the present.

It can be easy, especially when you’re single or unhappy in your current relationship, to wonder about the “one that got away” and reminisce about the good times, completely forgetting whatever valid reasons you had to end the relationship in the first place. The opposite can also be true – settling for a relationship that makes you completely miserable for fear that this is as good as it gets.

Whether you’re in something and trying to get out or watching from the sidelines and trying to get in, remember the old saying “wherever you go, that’s where you are?” It’s trite but true. Changing your status in life, doesn’t change who you are at your core, only you can do that.   The fact is, it all can be very complicated – relationships, love, happiness -  if it were easy, finding it wouldn’t be our life’s work. But at the end of the day as complicated as it all is, it is worth it.

Iris Robinson - What Was She Thinking?

Mrs. Robinson strikes again, but this time it's not on the big screen.  Iris Robinson a 60-year-old member of Parliament from Northern Ireland had an affair with a (gulp) teenage boy.  Her husband Peter Robinson, is -- or was, until he stepped down temporarily -- Northern Ireland's first minister and head of the socially conservative Democratic Unionist Party. This is a sex scandal with geopolitical implications. 

Mr. Robinson said, I felt betrayed after almost 40 years of being happily and closely bonded together."

As sex scandals go so this one is a bonanza.  Mrs. Robinson was 59 when she started sleeping with a 19-year-old. She had known Kirk McCambley since he was a child and she patronized his father's East Belfast butcher shop. As he was dying, the elder McCambley asked Mrs. Robinson to look after his son -- "She made sure I was okay," Kirk McCambley said.

Where would a juicy political scandal be without a hefty dose of hypocrisy?  Mrs. R, an evangelical Christian is described as "fire and brimstone in a Laura Ashley package,".  She liked to emphasize  the government's "responsibility to uphold God's laws" and described homosexuality as "an abomination" comparable to -- get this -- pedophilia. Her husband seconded that assessment. "It wasn't Iris Robinson who determined that homosexuality was an abomination, it was the Almighty," Peter Robinson said.

Iris Robinson described the seven-month relationship as "a brief affair" that "had no emotional or lasting meaning."  She claimed full responsibility but suggested that her mental illness was a significant factor explaining her irrational behavior.

Isn't it amazing how these people feel they are untouchable?  You would think they would learn that it's just a matter of time before all the dirty laundry will be aired for the whole world to see.

Cougar Cruise For Women Only!

I don't know why the media is so interested in the cancellation of Carnival's Cougar Cruises.  This inane coverage only propagates more negativity around the term cougar and for all women over 40.  Don't take my word for it - judge for yourself.  Here are a couple of statements pulled from one of the articles - "It seemed it was finally acceptable for sex-hungry older women to hunt down younger men for romance.  And, "Carnival doesn't want predatory women prowling the decks for boy toys".  Nice huh?

 

I don't know why Carnival decided to pull the plug on these cruises, and I really don't care.  In this economy grabbing a piece of the travel dollar is crucial so it didn't take long for other cruise lines to announce they would be delighted to step up and grab the business.

 

Here's what I want to do - organize a Cougar Cruise for women only.  That's something that would be beneficial for all of us. Real Cougars are not man hungry.  In fact, they refuse to be defined by any man regardless of age.  We are strong, confident, independent women who are busy trying to deal with life after 40 and all the changes we are experiencing.  The women who join my Real Cougar Woman Club are looking for support and they are looking for ways to empower themselves.  We all need more TLC and less negative press on how desperate we are.

Real Cougar Stress Busters

Doesn't it seem that everyone you talk to these days is complaining about an ache, a pain, or a flu that just won't go away. In my opinion, that's because we are compromising our immune system.. After all how much stress can we load on our body before it retaliates? 

When we are stressed our adrenal glands are working overtime.  We pump extra adrenaline, cortisol and other hormones that make our muscles tense up, our digestive tract slow down, our blood vessels constrict and our hearts beat faster.  Is it any wonder we end up with migraine headaches, TMJ, knots in our necks and shoulders and lower back pain?  Think about it. How many of these symptoms are you experiencing?

Here's something else stress does - it kills off our brain cells.  How many of us can afford that? 

Here are a few suggestions on how to reduce your stress levels. 

• Exercise - it releases endorphins and uses up excess adrenaline & cortisol
• Sleep -  that's when our immune system replenishes itself
• Eat healthier - when we are stressed we go right for the comfort food - don't do it
• Healthy Thinking - focus on that what's possible not the what is

I am using all of these stress busters and they do work if used consistently. Another thing that helps is a really good massage at least twice a month. Massage helps get rid of the toxic buildup in your body.  Today massage isn't a luxury it's a necessity.  Go ahead you deserve it.      

Married Women Having More Afffairs

Men find it incredibly difficult to forgive and forget if their wife has cheated on them.  If you confess your indiscretion the explosion of grief and anger will probably be worse than you imagine.  

While infidelity has traditionally been regarded as a masculine trait, an increasing number of women are cheating on their husbands. Financial equality plus more time spent at work are fueling this role reversal.

It wasn't so long ago that women would  have felt obliged to stick at an ailing marriage, these days they don't feel so compelled to stay. 

A surge in power may have propelled women to be unfaithful but the male attitude isn't changing quite so fast.  For a betrayed man, it's a slight against his manhood. It goes right to the core of his identity. For men, the sexual component of their wife's affair is very important - they are more concerned about the sexual aspect than if their wife loved the man she slept with.

'I don't think a woman's reason for having an affiar is that different from a man's -  they're looking for attention and affection and that's going to include sex.

I guess the best advice before you make a mistake you might regret is better communication with your mate.  Tell him how you are feeling and see if you can work it out.  If you don't you might be headed for a blowup you are not prepared for.

Real Cougars Soar On The Wings Of Our Buying Power

The world's population is becoming predominantly more female. This year, Real Cougars between the ages of  40 and 64 will be the largest demographic in the US and we're just starting to build momentum.  We truly are the new wonder women so let's show them how we are capable of changing this world.

We influence 80 percent of the $2.1 trillion in consumer goods purchased each year.  We are the largest segment of the population reports brandchannel.com, a website on global branding.

The implications here are profound. We've long known that money talks, and the message we're sending out is don't mess with a Real Cougar Woman with with credit cards.

 In my opinion,our buying power is much sexier than posing naked on a magazine cover.  We don't have to use our sexuality to prove we still have what it takes.  Just last week I was asked why so many women over 40 are posing naked.  Here's what I told the New York Post.

I think it's ridiculous that we still struggle so hard to get the respect we deserve. Let's face it Real Cougars are still considered predatory.  Society is finding it really hard to let go of old stereotypes and accept the fact that we are smart, financially independent, and proud to be over 40.

2010 is The Year Woman Soar Like Never Before.  I know our buying power will be the wind beneath our wings.  No longer will we have to follow -  it's our turn to lead. 

Elizabeth Gilbert and I Are Skeptical About Marriage

In her bestselling memoir, "Eat, Pray, Love," Elizabeth Gilbertchronicled the time she spent traveling through Italy, India and Indonesia carbo-loading, meditating and seeking balance after suffering through a bitter divorce. At the end of her journey, she fell in love with a Brazilian man, and as far as readers knew, was off to live happily ever after. 

Well, not so fast, as Gilbert's new memoir, "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage" explains. It turns out, after she and Felipe decided to commit their lives to one another sans marriage, the U.S. government stepped in at a border crossing and explained to the couple that Felipe wouldn't be able to re-enter the country unless they were married.

Gilbert, who had sworn off marriage, submerged herself in research on the institution in an attempt to come to terms with it before entering into it again. She interviewed family, friends, and wives in various cultures, and examined the history of marriage and how it's evolved over time.

Elizabeth says, "divorce is the tax we pay for choosing as a culture to believe in love. But I will live with that because I believe in love, but it's also dangerous. We have to turn on the fluorescent light to recognize that marriage may have a fairytale beginning, but a real world ending. That's another reason why marriage is not a game for the young: You don't recognize the differences between affection and reality until you've been banged around a little bit".

I too am a skeptic about marriage.  I lived with my husband for over twenty years before we got married.  In my book "Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am" one of my favorite chapters is entitled You Don't Complete Me.  Anybody who enters into marriage because they think another person has the magic to make you happy will  be very disappointed. 

Real Cougars Are Redefining Happiness

What is the cherished gift we spend our entire lives searching for?  The answer is happiness. 

Happiness is often referred to as 'the elusive butterfly' and that's because we're not really sure what it is, where to find it or what it should feel like when we do.  To compensate for not having that special feeling we spend our lives trying to do things that will distract us from the pain we feel.  We work too hard, watch too much television, spend too much money, spend too much time online, drink too much, have sex with with the wrong people and the list goes on. 

So what can you do to catch this 'elusive butterfly'?  Here are a 5 principles that have worked really well for me.  I'm not saying that I have this happiness thing completely figured out but I am making progress.  

• start looking at every obstacle as hidden opportunity
• don't compare yourself to anyone else - know what really turns YOU on
• understand that as you grow the things that make you happy change - don't hold on to the past
• know that inner happiness can't be taken away - it's your gift to yourself
• in place of distractions do things that touch your heart

As you look at your life this New Year I hope you will consider following these five principles.  If you do a new kind of happiness will be born - a happiness that no one can take away.

Real Cougars Are Ripping Up Their New Years Resolutions

Aren't you tired of making New Years Resolutions that you never follow through on?  Aren't you tired of all the coulda-shoulda-woulda’s-but-didn’ts. This year don't do it.  In 2010,"The Year Women Soar Like Never Before", do things differently so that you can finally get what you really want.

Let this be the year that you tap into your feminine power and discover what truly makes you happy.  Start by asking yourself this life changing question - "do you want to satisfy your ego or your soul"?  Satisfying your ego is temporary.  Satisfying your soul provides eternal gratification. The soul is a tough taskmaster and when it doesn't get what it wants you always feel like something is missing.  No matter how much you achieve the good feeling drains away quickly leaving you empty and unhappy. 

There are 3 steps to satisfying your soul and here they are:

1.  Stop Setting Goals.  Developing those goals was a good move for you at the time. It took thought, effort and courage. I commend you. You, however, are no longer bound to your goals. Close your eyes and say goodbye to them.

2.  Rip Up Your Goals.  Sit down, take a deep breath and then take all your resolutions, rip them into small pieces and toss them, burn them or bury them.  You won't need them ever again.

3.  Replace Your Goals With Desires.   What YOU want. What makes YOU happy. What pleases YOU.  Writing down your desires is infinitely more pleasing, woman-friendly and motivating than a list of  icy, hard and stony goals, resolutions or, even worse, objectives. Just let yourself go!  Want something totally extravagant? Write it down!  Size doesn't matter!

Replacing your goals with desires is a win-win proposition.  When you are happy, then your happiness radiates to the other people who matter most in your life. That helps them be happier, too.

Give it a try won't you? And let me know how focusing on your desires makes a difference in your life.

Real Cougars Are Taming The Aging Demons

As the New Year rapidly approaches it is natural to reflect on what lies ahead.  Yikes, we are all another year older and that's enough to put us into an end-of-the-year funk. It's when we are in reflection mode the aging demons really start to play some pretty nasty games with our heads.  Did you know that the fear of aging is now the #1 fear of women over 40?

Time goes by so quickly.  When you stop to think about how old you are, isn't it shocking?  Doesn't it seem that just yesterday you were 25? 

Real Cougars are always learning new ways to turn back the clock.  We are great at that. We look fabulous, we have a great attitude, we are confident, we are financially independent (or moving in that direction) and we take good care of our bodies.  The thing we aren't so good at is taming the psychological demons.  The gnawing concerns about aging that keep us up at night wondering what the future will bring.

In 2010 my focus will be learning to be happy about my age.  I am setting out to banish all my aging demons.  If we can work together on being proud of our age then 2010 will truly be The Year Women Soar Like Never Before. I hope you will join me as this new adventure unfolds. 

As the New Year rapidly approaches it is natural to reflect on what lies ahead.  Yikes, we are all another year older and that's enough to put us into an end-of-the-year funk. It's when we are in reflection mode the aging demons really start to play some pretty nasty games with our heads.  Did you know that the fear of aging is now the #1 fear of women over 40?

Time goes by so quickly.  When you stop to think about how old you are, isn't it shocking?  Doesn't it seem that just yesterday you were 25? 

Real Cougars are always learning new ways to turn back the clock.  We are great at that. We look fabulous, we have a great attitude, we are confident, we are financially independent (or moving in that direction) and we take good care of our bodies.  The thing we aren't so good at is taming the psychological demons.  The gnawing concerns about aging that keep us up at night wondering what the future will bring.

In 2010 my focus will be learning to be happy about my age.  I am setting out to banish all my aging demons.  If we can work together on being proud of our age then 2010 will truly be The Year Women Soar Like Never Before. I hope you will join me as this new adventure unfolds. 

Real Cougars Love Gifts From The Heart

As much as our men love us and think they know us, sometimes they need a little help when it comes to gift giving.  What we really want are gifts given from the heart.  Small loving gestures that show us just how much we are appreciated.  

If you want to help your guy make a list of the things that would really make your heart sing.and just casually slip it under his pillow.  Here are just a few suggestions to get your creative juices cranking.

• a very personal email three times a week just to say he's thinking of you
• a note left in the morning telling you to meet him for a sexy rendezvous that evening
• give up one Sunday afternoon football game and do something fun together
• take over one of the household chores (you choose)
• ask him to join a gym and start taking better care of his health - lots of brownie points for this one
• listen to me without trying to solve my problem - just let me know I'm being heard
• turn one of my sexual fantasies into a reality (again you choose)

These heartfelt gifts will keep the spark alive all year round.  And, you might want to return the favor by asking him to prepare a list of the things that will make his heart sing.  Afer all, Valentine's Day is just around the corner.

 

Happy Holidays!

Diamond Alignment A Gift That Keeps On Giving

In the days preceding the holidays our stress levels go right through the roof.  Worrying about what to buy for who and how to pay for them takes a big toll. The second year of the recession has been particularly rough for so many people.  That's why this free gift couldn't come at a more perfect time.

The gift is a free 22 day subscription for a process called Diamond Alignment.  What the Diamond does is empower you to create a multi-faceted life - spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and materially.  In short it is a Wealth of Being and who couldn't use that? 

No matter how great your losses, how large your challenges or how deep your pain  ... in just 6 minutes, you are regenerated and aligned with your unlimited power.

I have doing Diamond Alignment twice a day for the last two months and can honestly say, I am less stressed and the things I want most are coming to me so much faster.  When you are in the zone, aligned with what you want, it makes such a big difference.

Try Diamond Alignment for 22 days and see how it enables you to master your challenges with greater ease and grace.  And, don't forget to pay-it-forward.

Real Cougars Are A Great Catch

George Bernard Shaw said, “Youth is wasted on the young”. Let's all chime in and say "Amen! 

I am constantly being reminded how difficult it is for women over 40 to find love and that the dating process is pure hell. I wish I had a nickel for every time I hear that dating is a young person's game and putting yourself in such a vulnerable position just ain't worth it.

Well, don't be so fast to count yourself out of the game.  If you start to think your years are stacking the odds against your romantic possibilities, it’s time to review the benefits that age bring.  Real Cougar women understand this and that's why they are able to attract wonderful men at any age. They have that special blend of poise and sass that men just eat up.    

Let me help you count the way you are a great catch.

You know yourself better now.
At the heart of wise dating is a clear understanding of who you are. You must know your needs, temperament, strengths and weaknesses before you can select the right partner.

You are better equipped to assess potential partners.
How people present themselves often is not an accurate gauge of what’s going on inside. As we get older, we become more skilled at figuring out what makes others tick. We look for clues about their true character. We watch for signs of emotional health, spiritual commitment, and sound decision-making.

You have a clearer sense of what matters.
By the time we’re well into adulthood, most of us understand that lasting love hinges on heart-and-soul qualities. Kindness, unselfishness, compassion, joyfulness—these are the qualities that enrich relationships over the long haul. We know that these internal characteristics are far more significant than external factors.

You have clarified your dreams and goals. 
We are more focused and do only the things that we feel called to do. That’s important because a great marriage includes two people whose goals and dreams overlap. As you have become more selective about the ambitions to pursue, you are better able to evaluate whether your goals complement those of your potential partner.

You have more realistic expectations.
You've undoubtedy been in some rough relationships. Those experiences, though painful at the time, have an upside: they provide valuable lessons and create a more reasonable, sensible view of love and marriage. Older singles know that any kind of romantic relationship, however wonderful, will have problems to work through. A long-term relatinships can be fabulous, but it will never be flawless.

If you cringe at the thought of your years piling up, do yourself a huge favor: tune out the negative messages about age and focus instead on the advantages. Your years on earth have prepared you—now more than ever—for a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

Six Cougar Survival Tips For The Holidays

Cougars could be setting themselves up for some not a not-so-jolly Christmas if they are not prepared to deal with family this holiday season.

If you are planning to introduce your younger guy into your circle, you know it will provide juicy new material for the resident yentas.  You can be sure the tongues will be start wagging as soon as you walk through the door.  But, for better or worse they are your family so you'd better learn how to deal with them.  Don't allow yourself to fall into the old familiar traps. Here are a few tips to keep you on solid ground:

1. Put the Odds In Your Favor.  Be honest with yourself about the nature of your relationship. While you may have wonderful times alone, he may not be the one you want to hang out with at family gatherings. That's not being judgmental - it's just protecting yourself. Always figure out the risk/reward of family backlash.

2. Be on the lookout for the green-eyed monster.  Never minimize the impact you have when surprising a loved one with a new love interest. Do yourself a favor by having a conversation with your parents, children, favorite aunts or best friends before showing up at the door with a new man on your arm. You just never know how your happiness will affect somebody else.

3. Maintain your cool demeanor.  Whatever nonsense might be going on stay calm.  Nothing will fuel the fire like you trying to defend your man.  You might want to strangle someone but control that impulse.

4. Limit Your Alcohol Consumption.  Keep your wits about you and don't try to calm your nervousness by drinking too much. While others may not choose moderation, you have to. To be on the top of your game, obriety rules.

5. If the Going GetsRough-You Get Going  Keep your visit short if you are not feeling the love.. This holiday it's about enjoying yourself and spending time with people who want to celebrate your happiness.

6. Remember How Blessed You Are  Cougars be thrilled you have attracted such a wonderful man into your life. And don’t let anything or anyone spoil that good feeling.

Here’s the bottom line: You set the tone, so don’t subject yourself to a Spanish Inquisition. Use these tips to smooth out the sailing.

Real Cougar Names 2010 "The Year Women Real Cougar Women Soar Like Never Before"

As the Year of the Cougar winds down I am naming 2010 "The Year Real Cougar Women Soar Like Never Before".  This is the perfect time to take everything you have worked so hard for and move it to the next level. It's time to stop making excuses and start being the woman who doesn't settle for second best.

Too often when we don't get what we want we point the finger of blame.  We say, we're being treated unfairly because we're too old, we're overweight, we're in debt, we don't have enough experience.  Is all of that true?  In many cases of course it is.  But that's not enough reason to stop trying.  I know when I want something badly enough I get very creative. If I am denied access through the front door, I will make my entrance through the back.  It takes grit and it takes persistence but everything we want we can have.  Of course believing in yourself is a major factor in making it happen.

In my book Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am, I devoted the largest chapter to explaining my "I CREATE" model.  I call it Your Personal Success Magnet.  I have used it for years and it hasn't failed me yet. Some say I have the ability to make the impossible happen.  

My latest achievement was getting my book into the Barnes & Noble stores.  When I couldn't find anyone to held me do that, I figured a way to do it myself.  Again I back-doored it.  I was a first time author who used a very small boutique publisher and that profile usually doesn't get a book into the large book stores. But mine made it. Now, when I visit the stores to sign my books I am smiling from ear to ear seeing them displayed on the holiday table.

Never doubt what you are capable of doing.  I was the first Canadian woman to own a seat on The New York Stock Exchange and run a Wall Street trading department without ever going to college. I make the impossible possible and you can too.  If not now when?