Great Sex Is Just A Sip Away

Why do you think red wine is so popular with women?   Here's one reason you may not have been aware of.  According to an article published in  Prevention Magazine it increases our interest in sex.  That's a good enough reason for me. 

Italian researchers recently found that women who drink red wine in moderation show higher levels of sexual interest and lubrication than women who drink less or none at all.

Researchers believe the combination of antioxidants and alcohol in the red wine may increase the production of nitric oxide, a gas that helps artery walls to relax, which in turn increases blood flow to the genitals.

For steamier sessions in the sack, cap your intake at one or two glasses a day; any more may impair your body’s sexual response.

Cheers!

Hormones Can Affect How You Invest

I am a staunch advocate for women establishing their financial security.  Too often they rely on the man to take care of it, which can be a huge mistake. If you don't think you are smart enough to invest your money keep on reading.

Male investors aren't necessarily the smartest investors. There’s been a lot of academic research suggesting that men think they know what they’re doing, even when they really don’t.  Women, on the other hand, appear more likely to acknowledge when they don’t know something.  

Staying the course and minimizing costs are the classic characteristics of good long-term, buy-and-hold investors. But during the financial crisis, men were more likely than women to trade in and out of stocks which made matters even worse.

Women on average are a lot more risk-averse than men. In portfolio selection, we tend to have a greater preference for fixed-income investments.  That could cause our portfolio returns to lag over the long run, assuming that stocks outperform bonds — though in a shaky market, a women's cautious behavior might be beneficial.

Is risk aversion biological or cultural?  Who knows?  Some studies have found that there is a correlation between hormones and risk-taking. Alexandra Bernasek, a professor of economics at Colorado State University, said "before the dawn of history, aggressive risk-taking might have given men an advantage in finding mates, while women might have become more risk-averse to protect their offspring."

Real Cougar women strive to be financially independent and yes, they do take risks. But, the risks they take are always calculated so the odds are in their favor.  If they don't know something they will seek the advice of someone they trust to advise them.

To read more check out this N.Y. Times article.

Cougars Everywhere Are Unleashing Their Power

Every woman, whether she realizes it or not, has a Real Cougar just waiting to be unleashed. Living your life as a smart, sexy, independent woman is the best gift you can give yourself. So get over listening to what other people think you should do and start living the life you deserve. This is the time to let go of your preconceived notions about aging, about sexuality, about beauty, about money about relationships and give yourself permission to explore all of your possibilities.    

I am well aware that too many people still believe that a “cougar” is a derogatory label used to describe older women who chase after younger men. Nothing could be further from the truth. A Real Cougar, a term I coined in 2007, is any woman over 40 who is turned on and excited about life. A Real Cougar stands alone and refuses to be defined by her choice in men. This fabulous female is changing the role of women today and will continue to do so for many years to come.

Achieving the rank of Real Cougar is a privilege, never an embarrassment. You have worked hard to earn your stripes, so be proud to revel in your accomplishments. For far too long, women over 40 have been pushed to the sidelines. You are mothers, business executives, entrepreneurs and teachers. You area million things, but not the complete woman you have always wanted to be.

The power to be everything you want to be is in your hands.  What are you waiting for? 

Plus Size Cougars Are Having More Sex

Yes, it's true.  A new study shows that overweight women have more sex than skinny ones. In fact, 92 percent of overweight women are engaging in lots of bedroom activities.  

The research is based on data gathered on more than 7,000 women. The sexperts are suggesting that if a woman is feeling a decrease in desire she should try more erotic methods of stimulation — like reading trashy romance novels for 20 minutes, three times a week. 

There is nothing sexy about housework or grocery shopping. If your to-do list is all you think about you are not leaving any room for sexual fantasy. Heavier women agree that weight becomes less of an issue when you are feeling sexy and desirable.

There's one thing we Real Cougars always have to remember.  Weight is more of an issue for us than for the men in our lives.  Men love a confident woman. They also love women with some flesh on their bones. So start appreciating your body and I guarantee you are going to be a lot happier in and out of the bedroom.

Yes, it's true.  A new study shows that overweight women have more sex than skinny ones. In fact, 92 percent of overweight women are engaging in lots of bedroom activities.  

The research is based on data gathered on more than 7,000 women. The sexperts are suggesting that if a woman is feeling a decrease in desire she should try more erotic methods of stimulation — like reading trashy romance novels for 20 minutes, three times a week. 

There is nothing sexy about housework or grocery shopping. If your to-do list is all you think about you are not leaving any room for sexual fantasy. Heavier women agree that weight becomes less of an issue when you are feeling sexy and desirable.

There's one thing we Real Cougars always have to remember.  Weight is more of an issue for us than for the men in our lives.  Men love a confident woman. They also love women with some flesh on their bones. So start appreciating your body and I guarantee you are going to be a lot happier in and out of the bedroom.

Cougars Rule At The Oscars

What a fabulous night for Real Cougar Women at the Oscars.  Talented women over 40 captured the spotlight. Not only did they all look fabulous in their designer gowns - they got to take home the top prize.

Kathryn Bigelow made history when she became the first woman to win an Academy Award for Best Director - and trounced her ex-husband in the process. As Barbra Streisand opened the envelope she declared: 'It's about time". The icing on the cake came when The Hurt Locker won the Oscar for Best Picture. 

The other race that captured the most attention was Best Actress.  Would it go to Meryl Streep, nominated for the 16th time or to Sandra Bullock for her role in The Blind Side? When Bullock won she said "I know I'm a good actress but not always the best actress".  A little humility goes a long way.

Another Real Cougar who looked absolutely radiant was Dame Helen Mirren.  She always presents herself with such style and grace. 

I think Hollywood has finally figured out that women over the age of 40 are vibrant, beautiful, talented, sexy and smart.  Is this the beginning of a new wave of women in Hollywood that will have the opportunity to highlight all we have to offer?  I sure hope so.  As Barbra said, "it's about time".  

Cougars - The Last Taboo

Older women who prefer younger men seems to remain taboo in a world where precious few remain.

The Graduate, kept young male movie-goers titillated for years. Byron did the same in Don Juan, as did   Stendhal in Scarlet and Black, and Bernard Schlink in The Reader. The dynamic has always inspired the artistic imagination, but no written account goes into as much depth as Stephen Vizinczey's era-transcending, In Praise of Older Women, re-released this week as a Penguin Classic.

The best-selling book, which was originally published in 1965 and has sold more than five million copies worldwide, must have provoked a veritable glut of misalliances after its narrator, Andras Vajda, described in enchanting detail his discovery that the embraces of older women are infinitely preferable to those of younger girls.

Forty-five years after penning those lines, the Hungarian-born Vizinczey, now 76, remains ardent on the subject. "To be a young man and have a grown woman as your lover is not just sexy, it is paradise," he says. "That's what my novel is about. Women start at 30 and just get better."  

"The sex appeal of a woman has very little to do with the kind of things magazines talk about. It doesn't have much to do with big breasts, small breasts, – the most important part of sex appeal is humanity, an affectionate nature, intelligence. Allure certainly has very little to do with clothes. Isn't a woman best dressed when she is naked?"

Germaine Greer. the author of The Female Eunuch maintains, "older men sit in judgment, but boys don't do that. They are able to admire a woman for what she has achieved."

So are these older women liberated or damaged? Women in the public eye, Vizinczey shrugs, "are financially independent and therefore can defy convention, but women who cannot afford to defy convention have to do it in secret or be labelled predators".

The only way to banish this last taboo is to be proud of who you are - be proud of your relationship - stop listening to what other people say and just enjoy the love you have today.

Cougars Understand The Sex Appeal Of A Smile

You spot a handsome man across a crowded room.  You like what you see and want him to notice you.  But, how do you get him to do that?  It's probably not a good idea to stroll over and offer to buy him a drink.  The better course of action is to give him your best big smile.  According to a recent study on various flirting techniques, a smile is the most effective way for a woman to draw a man's attention.

Men are not attracted to woman who is overly aggressive.  To entice that new guy it's all about the subtle, non verbal clues.  Cougars know that combining eye contact with a smile is a pretty powerful way of letting a guy know you're interested.

In a 1985 study, researchers made an attractive woman target a man roughly 10 feet away and then see what it took to get him to approach her within 10 minutes. They tried several variations: eye contact once or several times, either alone or paired with a smile. Men don't just need encouragement. They need a lot of encouragement.

The Multiple Smiling Technique works. Your odds for success go up by a lot when you use eye contact accompanied with a smile.  

For women who worry they are not attractive enough to seduce a man there is more good news.  The number of signals you send out counts far more than how you look. Women who were approached the most were not those who were the most attractive but those who signaled most frequently.  Women who sent out more than 35 signals an hour averaged more than four approaches an hour.

I know this may sound like a lot of smiling to snag a guy, particularly for the shy among us, but nobody ever said the mating dance was easy?

Sex Mistakes That Take Away The Fun

Just like men, women make plenty of bedroom blunders.  In fact, women aresometimes worse culprits when it comes to buying into sexual myths like, "Men are like a light switch, either they are turned on or turrned off." So let's start with that myth and move on from there.

• Men get turned on without you even trying. Maybe that's true if the guy's 22, but beyond that, men definitely have times when they need more.  A show of interest from you can be very encouraging and sexy.
• Expecting a man to know what turns you on.  Why should a man know your body better than you do?  Let your partner know what you like.  Better still, show him.
• Not reciprocating during lovemaking.  Some women really do just lie there and expect the male partner to do all the "work."  Men love to be made love to, so don't overlook your opportunity to please your partner.
• Thinking sex is "messy."  Whatever happens during sex is sensual not gross. Start thinking about the joy of sex not cleaning the sheets.
• Certain positions are "unladylike."  No such thing.  If it pleases both of you go for it. 
• Refusing to let a partner try anything new.  You can't even stand eating the same meal twice in a week, why would you expect your partner to want to have sex the same way every time?
• Hiding sex toys.  If you need a toy to have an orgasm, admit it and show your partner what you like.  No need to be embarrassed by your sexual needs.
• Making love way too serious an endeavor.  True for men, too, but women tend to want sex to be very serious.  I guess if it's serious, then it can't be sinful.  But who said having fun in bed is a sin?  Go ahead, laugh, giggle, and play.
• Always being too tired for sex.  Making love doesn't take the same energy as running a marathon.  Besides, sex is energizing.  Put your feet up and relax so that you have some energy left for a little pleasure in your life.
• A man's erection is all about you.  Big, big mistake.  A man can be under stress, not feel well, or just not have been as much in the mood as he thought.  Don't get offended - just  calmly try doing something new you think he might enjoy.

Sex is about having fun, so don't get all tangled up with what you think is right or wrong - just go for the  gusto! 

Just like men, women make plenty of bedroom blunders.  In fact, women aresometimes worse culprits when it comes to buying into sexual myths like, "Men are like a light switch, either they are turned on or turrned off." So let's start with that myth and move on from there.

• Men get turned on without you even trying. Maybe that's true if the guy's 22, but beyond that, men definitely have times when they need more.  A show of interest from you can be very encouraging and sexy.
• Expecting a man to know what turns you on.  Why should a man know your body better than you do?  Let your partner know what you like.  Better still, show him.
• Not reciprocating during lovemaking.  Some women really do just lie there and expect the male partner to do all the "work."  Men love to be made love to, so don't overlook your opportunity to please your partner.
• Thinking sex is "messy."  Whatever happens during sex is sensual not gross. Start thinking about the joy of sex not cleaning the sheets.
• Certain positions are "unladylike."  No such thing.  If it pleases both of you go for it. 
• Refusing to let a partner try anything new.  You can't even stand eating the same meal twice in a week, why would you expect your partner to want to have sex the same way every time?
• Hiding sex toys.  If you need a toy to have an orgasm, admit it and show your partner what you like.  No need to be embarrassed by your sexual needs.
• Making love way too serious an endeavor.  True for men, too, but women tend to want sex to be very serious.  I guess if it's serious, then it can't be sinful.  But who said having fun in bed is a sin?  Go ahead, laugh, giggle, and play.
• Always being too tired for sex.  Making love doesn't take the same energy as running a marathon.  Besides, sex is energizing.  Put your feet up and relax so that you have some energy left for a little pleasure in your life.
• A man's erection is all about you.  Big, big mistake.  A man can be under stress, not feel well, or just not have been as much in the mood as he thought.  Don't get offended - just  calmly try doing something new you think he might enjoy.

Jane Fonda A Real Cougar at 72

Actress, activist and fitness icon Jane Fonda has been aging with grace and beauty. But she's not going to let anyone think it happens without effort.  We all know that every decade looking fabulous becomes a little more challenging, but isn't the extra work involved well worth it?  

Last week Jane blogged about her recent plastic surgery procedures on janefonda.com,  She wanted to let other women in on her secrets for looking so spectacular at 72.

So what did she do?  She had 'work' done on her chin and neck and had the bags taken away from under her eyes.  Then she got a new hair cut so people will think it was her new hair that made her look so good.  How smart is that?

Jane says, "I swore in 2000 I'd never have anything done again but this year I got tired of not looking like how I feel.  I wanted a more refined chin so I changed my mind. I'm still a little swollen but not much and what pleases me is that I won't looked pulled or weird...or tired all the time. And my crows feet are still alive and well. I wish I'd been brave enough to not do anything but, instead, I chose to be a somewhat more glamorous grandma. So there."

Jane has the right attitude and I'm betting she keeps her younger boyfriend, music producer Richard Perry on his toes.

Cougar Roles Are The Cat's Meow

Tovah Feldshu is an award winning actress who has delighted Broadway audiences for decades.  She has played many iconic women including Golda Meir and Katharine Hepburn. She also delighted audiences starring in The Vagina Monogues.  But now she wants to play a cougar.

She says, "as I get older, I absolutely want to do more film and television. It’s simply easier on the body. You think you’re 30, and then you look at yourself in the mirror".  She runs four miles a day and also swims 40 laps, so she's in great physical shape,  But Tovah, like the rest of us, has noticed that her breasts aren't where they used to be.  We all know what that feels like don't we?  

Recently Feldshu has been offered a play about another icon Greta Garbo.  All that is great but to play a cougar would be fabulous.

Tovah is 5 foot-2 inches, weighs 111 pounds, and wants to do glam roles. And, who is more glam than a Real Cougar?  She's says, "I Iove my husband to pieces and he’s my life partner, but Demi Moore, she has it made, baby. That age span between her and her husband, that’s just wild. God bless ’em both". 

I couldn't agree more.  Would any of us send Ashton Kutcher packing? I don't think so.

Real Cougars Running Away From Marriage

Why does anyone want to get married?  All the hopes and dreams we have about happily ever after seem to be nothing but a fairy tale illusion.  It's very possible, the "hard work" it requires to make a marriage work wrings out all the passion and joy from this union.  The public bust-ups and sexual escapades of numerous celebrity marriages makes it very obvious we currently inhabit a vast and bleak landscape of marital discontent.

In a much-discussed survey of 35,000 American women, published in Woman's Day, 72 percent of married women said they had considered leaving their husbands. Seventy-nine percent said they'd like sex more often, and 52 percent said they have no sex life to speak of.

Most of us have not consciously or categorically banished passionate love from our lives, we just can't seem to make it fit. Indeed, if being in love is such a stimulating and gratifying state -- and can be, of course -- why would we do without it unless we had to? 

Talk to almost any therapist, and he or she will tell you that the primary reason people aren't happy is they are too tired to have sex and have built up a little mountain of resentments over the difficulty of running a household together.  This is in part why we are so fascinated with marriages that appear, from the outside at least, highly functional and romantic: How do the Obamas make time for date night when Barack has a country to run? 

It's interesting that even as heterosexual women are sounding the death knell for their nuptials, homosexual men and women are fighting for the right to marry traditionally. It may be that you can't properly relate to an institution until you become a member.

Why does anyone want to get married?  All the hopes and dreams we have about happily ever after seem to be nothing but a fairy tale illusion.  It's very possible, the "hard work" it requires to make a marriage work wrings out all the passion and joy from this union.  The public bust-ups and sexual escapades of numerous celebrity marriages makes it very obvious we currently inhabit a vast and bleak landscape of marital discontent.

In a much-discussed survey of 35,000 American women, published in Woman's Day, 72 percent of married women said they had considered leaving their husbands. Seventy-nine percent said they'd like sex more often, and 52 percent said they have no sex life to speak of.

Most of us have not consciously or categorically banished passionate love from our lives, we just can't seem to make it fit. Indeed, if being in love is such a stimulating and gratifying state -- and can be, of course -- why would we do without it unless we had to? 

Talk to almost any therapist, and he or she will tell you that the primary reason people aren't happy is they are too tired to have sex and have built up a little mountain of resentments over the difficulty of running a household together.  This is in part why we are so fascinated with marriages that appear, from the outside at least, highly functional and romantic: How do the Obamas make time for date night when Barack has a country to run? 

It's interesting that even as heterosexual women are sounding the death knell for their nuptials, homosexual men and women are fighting for the right to marry traditionally. It may be that you can't properly relate to an institution until you become a member.

Temper In The Workplace - A Male Privilege?

It's pretty common to see men lose their temper at work and get away with it, but if a woman does it she's called crazy, out-of-control or a total bitch. Anger at the office is is another example of how unfair the double standard really is.  

A new book claims that angry men will earn a higher salary, get a better job and be more successful than bad-tempered women. And female workers are more tolerant of men who behave badly than they are of women. Anger appears to remain a male privilege.

It's crazy but if a man apologizes for losing his temper, it actually works against him.  If a woman makes an apology it can help her.

I admit I have been guilty of letting go more than a few cuss words at work.  Having run a Wall Street trading department it came with the territory.  But in my defense, I was always respectful of other people and never ranted just because I was in a higher position.  

Disraeli said 'a person's fate is their own temper.  That's something for all of us to think about.

Cougars At 50 Are Turning Ageism Upside Down

Are you afraid of turning 50?  I know I was.  I thought 50 was the threshold to old age and I wasn't ready to cross over that precipice.  I am not naive and I know that your 50's introduce a new decade of things to deal with - hot flashes, sags, wrinkles, changing relationships - but once you get a handle on them life can be sweeter than ever.  

There are Real Cougars over 50 who see themselves as sexy, smart and confident. But, there are other women who view the fifth decade as nothing more than one step closer to assisted living. Fifty gets you thinking of all the things that may now be impossible  - a sexy wardrobe, a new career or even a 30 something boyfriend.  

But, hold on!.  What if your thinking is all wrong? What if you could have all those things?

The reality is we don't have to become the withering flowers that society assures us we will.  The choice of how we view aging and how we age is up to us.  I admit I am still fighting some of the aging demons myself, but with every new idea, with every new friend I make, with every new risk I take my zest for life only gets juicier. 

My advice to all of your Real Cougars over 50 - keep those stilettos close by -  you are going to need them.

Feminism Is Making A Comeback

Women today, especially today, need to embrace being their fullest potential selves—feminine, sexy, warm, loving—everything the word "feminine" stands for.  Strong qualities like powerful and successful just round out the perfect package. 

 

Perhaps feminism this much maligned word is coming back just in time.

I see too many women rushing around trying to do it all, but meanwhile they're not being it all! They're not being their fullest, best feminine selves. Instead, they're being tougher than they'd like to be as well as more exhausted, strident and irritable, thereby feeling unattractive inside and out. All while suffering from guilt over the stuff they did not manage to squeeze into their over-booked schedules.

I know this firsthand because I've personally experienced this over-emphasis on doing, doing, doing. The irony? Whenever I do take the time to tap into "feminine-ism"—this energy of simply being by indulging in a meditative and self-nurturing massage or a hot bubble bath—that's when I feel my most powerful.

Almost from the introduction of the word "feminism" into our world, the definition has become corroded to mean something less than complimentary than its original intent. Somewhere along the line, to be a feminist started to mean a woman who's basically unattractive both in looks and spirit. 

Women don't have to make a choice between feminine or powerful and successful. We can be all those things and more.

Cougar Women Held To Higher Standards

Over the years, as a parade of powerful male figures (mostly politicians),have been caught with women who were usually younger and always less powerful than they, the question has often been raised: Why don’t women gamble their political and personal futures like this? Is it because powerful women don’t cheat? Or is it just that they don’t get caught? Is it because the May-December equation sizzles only when he’s December? Or because there are not yet enough women out there yet with real clout?

At first blush, it almost feels appropriate to cheer. In this moment when the culture seems to be flirting with a change in the balance of power between the sexes. Yet any attempt to paint these similarities as a perverse sort of victory — women are every bit as unfaithful and hypocritical as men! — quickly runs up against the more important differences. There is much stricter standards, more rigid labels and stereotyped judgments we apply to women.

It is a familiar tendency, reducing women to archetypes with little room for gray. Harlot or heroine. Pushover or pushy. We take a binary view of most stories of sex and power, whether the woman is the villain or the victim.

We accept complexity in male leaders far more readily than we accept it in women — perhaps because we have fewer examples to draw from. 

Valentine's Day And The Single Cougar

Valentine's Day can be a real downer if you happen to be a single cougar.  All the hype about love and romance can land you in a funk, if you let it.. My suggestion for this Sunday is don't  focus on what you don't have, simply decide to celebrate with what you do have instead.  There are so many ways to have lots of fun on February 14th - it just takes a little creativity and a good attitude. 

Here are a few ways to paint the town red.

Have Dinner with Friends
Go out to a nice restaurant - have a great meal and a decadent dessert.  You deserve the best regardless of relationship status.

Toast Your Friends and Your Life
Yes, go for the champagne.  Toast the good things in your life and your good friends. Go around the table and have everbody make a wish for what they want most for next Valentine's Day.

Buy Cards for Friends and Neighbors
Do you know someone who is sick, single, older and/or alone? Is there someone who often helps you at work? Brighten their day and yours by remembering them on Valentine's Day.

Celebrate with Your Children
Your kids can make your Valentine's Day very special. Make a big deal of the holiday for them. Cook a special meal, put chocolate hearts in their lunch boxes, or have a family game night. Whatever your family would like - do it up and share the love.

It's Just One Day
Remember it's just one day.  Keep reminding yourself  that you are the magnet that attracts life's experiences to you.  Happy attracts happy.  Fun attracts fun.  Passion attracts passion. You get the idea.  So have a blast - stay in that good place on Valentine's and all the days that follow.  If you do this that Valentine's wish you made will become a reality quicker than you can imagine.

Discovering how to make yourself happy is the best Valentine's Day gift you could possibly give yourself.

Cougar Valentine Tips That Keep on Giving

February 14th is a day when I take time to reflect on my changing ideas about love. As a young girl growing up in Toronto, I dreamed of being swept off my feet by a brave and handsome Prince Charming. That childlike dream of true love was wonderful but it resulted in a lot of unrealistic expectations. It didn’t take long for my idealistic vision to be replaced by a string of not-so-ideal frogs. I came to realize that falling in love is the easiest part of a relationship, staying in love is where it really gets dicey.   

Every woman has her own particular set of relationship challenges, and cougars are no exception. Men definitely are from Mars, and it is tough enough finding common ground with someone of your own generation, let alone a young guy who is trailing two decades behind you. The age difference can create all sorts of problems if you’re not prepared. You just have to keep remembering that Real Cougars are willing to do whatever it takes in the pursuit of happiness. When the bloom is off the Valentine’s rose, that’s when you have to use your smarts to keep the relationship blossoming.
 
More.Com asked me to prepare a list of my cougar dating tips that keep on giving well after Valentine's Day.  The fabulous females in my Real Cougar Woman Community have used them and say they they have helped them navigate through the bumps on the rocky road to romance. 

Love with your younger man can be wonderful and exciting (but you didn’t need me to tell you that). Go out of your way to make this February 14th a very special day. Uncork the champagne, feed him his favorite dessert, put on your new sexy black teddy and show your favorite guy just how much you appreciate him.    

Divorce After 50 - A Growing Trend

Have you noticed lately that more and more couplesin their 40's, 50's & 60's are getting a divorce?  Sadly, marriages are keeling over like ninepins, but now it's the women who are instigatingthe separation.  And, it's not because she has someone in the wings just waiting to keep her warm at night. Greater economic independence and the fact that 50 no longer spells the end of the road for women are just two of the reasons for the ever- spiraling divorce rate among older couples.

For better or for worse, Real Cougars are the first generation of women to turn traditional ideas of middle age on their head. We're back in the work force, and with more money and knowing that we can take care of ourselves financially, we are making very different decisions.  We are choosing where we want to be not where we believe we have to be.

If a woman's financial position is no longer a barrier to her moving on from an unhappy marriage, neither does age seem to hold us back from trying our luck romantically.We look better  -  and feel younger  -  than ever before. Whether it's with the help of a nip and tuck or Botox, or less drastically a sensible diet and exercise regime, we can still turn heads well into our 50's and 60's.

Our generation is more more prepared to approach our last few decades with a new set of priorities  -  albeit sometimes unprepared for the problems that can accompany them.

We need to approach our next act intelligently.  Before moving into the dating arena it's important to spend some quality time with ourselves deciding what we want most going forward. We also have to pay a visit to our doctors to get an education on STD's.  Things have changed a lot since we were out on the dating scene so it's important to be prepared for all situations.

Have you noticed lately that more and more couplesin their 40's, 50's & 60's are getting a divorce?  Sadly, marriages are keeling over like ninepins, but now it's the women who are instigatingthe separation.  And, it's not because she has someone in the wings just waiting to keep her warm at night. Greater economic independence and the fact that 50 no longer spells the end of the road for women are just two of the reasons for the ever- spiraling divorce rate among older couples.

Cougars And Their Teenage Daughters

I have been giving a lot of thought lately to the subject of aging.  It happens to all of us but some accept it more gracefully than others.  I opt for gracefully, but doing everything I can to say healthy, sexy, vibrant and passionate about life.  I just want to be the best I can be for the age that I am.

I don't have a teenage daughter but that doesn't mean I don't see how aware teenage girls are of their mother's fear, or, more accurately, their hatred, of aging. One girl said, "Every time I wrinkle my forehead, my mother points it out and tells me not to." Another spoke about "competitive dieting" with her mom, how she couldn't help but engage in it even though she thought her mother's obsession with fat was "crazy."

There is a study out from the Girl Scouts of the USA telling us what we already know, which is that the fashion industry and its use of ultra-thin models is making teenage girls too obsessed with being skinny, and distorting their body image. In my more limited unscientific research, the mothers are as strong an influence. Going on shopping trips with mom, usually a bonding experience, became all about hearing moms moan about their fat and rolls. Or seeing your mother trying on something, look in the mirror and say, ""I look ugly."

God knows, I am not advocating growing old naturally, just to remember what a tender fragile time adolescence is.  Daughters need their moms to be stable and secure.  I have so many friends who will tell me with surprise, when looking at photos of themselves when they were younger, "Hey, I was really cute. I didn't realize it." No one does. You have to get older to realize it.

Cougars Love Blazing New Trails

Every day I get emails from Real Cougars who are blazing new trails.  Their stories provide me with my daily dose of inspiration.  Here's one of those stories - one that many women will find all too familiar.

 

Linda, I just wanted to thank you so much for what you are doing.  I am reading your book now and I love the stories of women who have risen above and are helping other women.

 

I just got out of an 8 year relationship that headed down  dead end street.  He was 50, I am 45.  Leaving was one of the hardest things I have ever done, which is amazing because I have accomplished so much professionally, however personally I was a wreck.

 

I have worked hard and built up a successful financial services and CPA firm.  I did this while living in this very lonely relationship with a very controlling man.  Because of the stress at home I had put on 45 pounds and was miserable.  Finally I went to see a counselor who advised me to call it quits and I did.  Prior to that I went through eight breakups but always went back.  This time I worked through the fear and started down a new path. 

 

Your insightful comments about relationships in Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am really hit home.  It was after that I got out and put myself on Match.com and PerfectMatch.com.  After a few dates with older men I wanted to stab myself with a fork because they were so boring. I finally agreed to meet a 35 year old.  I can not tell you how much fun I had.  Younger men are definitely for me.

 

I found your website at the beginning of this journey and ordered your book.  I only wish I would have done this sooner.  I am having the time of my life.  I have lost 20 pounds so far and am on my way to loosing the rest.

 

Thanks again for all you are doing.  I look forward to continuing this journey with you and the other wonderful cougars.!

 

Eileen, thank you for sharing your story will all of us. 

Cougar Marriages - Just A Flash In The Pan?

Last week I was interviewed by Yolanda Sangweni at Essence Magazine.  The topic - cougar couples.  She wanted to know whether these relationships are here to stay or just a flash in the pan.  She was also curious to find out if there were any particular problems that pop up when an older woman and younger man decide they want to marry. 

Here are some of the questions she asked:

• are women taking the next step and marrying their younger boyfriends?
• does the generational gap affect their marriage?
• do younger men treat older women better than men their own age?
• what are the advantages to being with a younger man?

To find out what I have to say about cougar marriages, a topic that is of huge interest these days, you can read Yolanda's article online on the Essence.com website.

Vigara For Cougars - Don't Think So!

When Liz Canner was offered a job making erotic videos for women, she admitted she was interested   because it sounded like a good cause to get involved in.

The films were for a drug company called Vivus, which was developing an 'orgasm cream' to boost women's sex lives. They needed some female-friendly erotica to test sexual responses in women before and after treatment with their drug, to find out if it worked.

But the job didn't turn out the way Liz expected. Instead, she ended up making a shocking but hilarious film of her own, Orgasm Inc, which sets out to expose the drug companies and doctors who are now locked in a race to produce a 'female Viagra' - a treatment that promises women a super-charged sex life in a pill.

'The whole idea of these drugs is twisted,' she reveals. 'It's not about sexual empowerment for women, it's about exploiting women and making billions in profits for drug companies. 'They're creating a false idea of what constitutes a "good" or "normal" sex life just so we can all feel abnormal and then go and buy their products.'

Orgasm Incfollows Liz on a nine year journey as she meets CEOs of drug companies, researchers, doctors, scientists and therapists - all claiming to hold the key to the ultimate female sexual experience.

Ever since Viagra for men launched in 1998 and became one of the biggest-selling drugs in history.  It brought sexual dysfunction into the open - and not just for men. Women wanted to try it too.  For the first time, female sexual dysfunction was being taken seriously.

Taking a pill isn't always the answer.  It's wise to dig deeper - finding the root of the problem.

Reality Show Opp For Women In Southern California

A major reality TV production company has contacted me.  They are searching for a lively group of Southern California women who are into the excitement and drama of Bunco.   

 

Their show will feature several members of a Bunco group and document their lives inside and out of the world of the game, much like the Real Housewives.  They are specifically looking for full or partial groups in their late 20's to late 40's with dynamic personalities and exciting lives. 

 

If you haven't played the game before, it's not a problem.  The show focuses more on your interpersonal relationships than the game itself.  

Their archetype is a true embodiment of the "Real Cougar Woman"!  An empowered female who celebrates her accomplishments, her femininity and joi de vivre! 

Single, in a relationship or married, they are open to any and all, as long as you are fabulous!

If you are interested, please email your name, location, phone, email and recent picture to me at linda@therealcougarwoman.com.  I will forward it to the producer.

Thanks.

Cougar Love Is Alive and Well

After appearing on The Joy Behar Show last week, I got a flood of emails asking  - who was that guy on television with you?  He most definitely raised the hackles on the backs of lots of women, but I guess he feels that's his job.  His name is Steve Ward and he is a  self--proclaimed “dating pathologist” that appears on VH1's Tough Love.

I got the impression that Mr. Ward doesn't like women very much and particularly women over 40.  The Behar segment focused on cougar relationships and Steve doesn't approve of them. He thinks the guys are only there for sex and /or money, but who cares what he thinks?

I want to share with you just one of the hundreds of emails I received extolling the many virtues of cougar relationships.  These fabulous females are sharing their lives with men who love and adore them.  They have stopped listening to the advice of other people and started to listen to their own hearts.  The results have been outstanding.  What follows illustrates what I am saying.

"Linda, I haven't written to you in quite a while, but the catalyst for this note was your appearance on the Joy Behar Show the other night. As usual, you were well-spoken, fabulous and gorgeous, but that idiot that shared the space with you was so insulting and off base, ( I can't even remember his name), I just had to write and tell you that I couldn't believe it.)

My husband is 48 and I will be 66 in March. We just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary and have been together now for almost 22 years. Both of us are very active and enjoy life and enjoy each other. We are a loving, supportive couple. My husband is still advancing in his career and I am happily retired from mine. We adore my two daughters and four grandchildren. The age difference never bothers us, and he is definitely more mature than I am and always has been. Our marriage is better than most and I so resent that man's attitude." 

That's what I keep hearing from women all over the world.  Can they all be smoking funny stuff?  Cougar relationships, like all other relationships flourish when you put in the time and effort to make them work.  So Mr. Ward before you go around making ridiculous statements about who should love who, maybe you had better take a closer look at what love really is.

Cougars Getting Help Finding Jobs

I don't have to tell you that times are tough. This recession has delivered a severe blow to household incomes all over the country.  Today women who have not been employed in a long time have no choice but to return to the workforce. Many of these women are the Real Cougars in our community.  I have talked to many of them and they are nervous. They want to work but also want flexible work hours. They have found that can be a daunting task.

To try and find some answers I spoke with Allison O'Kelly, CEO of Mom Corps.  Her company offers full service staffing in Atlanta, Boston, Charlotte, New York and Washington.  They also offer franchising  opportunities to select markets throughout the United States.What's really great is Allison's specialty is finding jobs for women that offer flexible hours.

Here's how it works. Mom Corps supply companies top-tier, professionals “on demand”, while enabling their candidates seeking flexibility to pursue their professional careers. With Mom Corps, companies have immediate access to top talent. Once registered, candidates can search and apply directly to active jobs, access resume writing services, attend Mom Corps University workshops, and find tips, articles, and information on their “MOM-ents” blog to help them transition back into the workforce or into a new role.

Employers post jobs, search candidates, view resumes matching their criteria, and invite top candidates to apply directly to their job. In addition to offering employers access to candidates through the online Job Board, Mom Corps also performs contingent searches for clients.

So, if you are a Real Cougar looking for work, go take a look around Mom Corps.website. They have helped a lot of women and chances are they can help you too.