Real Cougars Aren't Afraid of Money

For most women, money is never just money.  It is love, power, happiness, security, control, dependency, independence, freedom and lots more. Money reaches deep into the human psyche.  Money is a sensitive button and when it’s pushed, deeper issues always emerge.  As far as we have come money is still a taboo topic. Women don’t often talk about money.  The silence is a shield for the shame, guilt and anxiety that is felt about how they deal with their own financial situation.

Women are typically the givers and always putting others before themselves. Financial guru Suze Orman says, “I simply want you to give TO yourself as much as you give OF yourself. By taking care of yourself financially, you will truly be able to take care of those you love.”

Women have had a dysfunctional relationship with money for far too long. The time has come to assume responsibility for your own financial future.  To make that happen you have to get rid of your psychological blocks and then create a new paradigm that invites prosperity into your life.

Just like losing weight, you have to get to the bottom of what is really causing that “stumbling block” in order to conquer it.

Cramer vs Stewart - Worth Watching

Jim Cramer's Thursday appearance on Jon Stewart's Comedy Central program has gotten a lot of buzz.  Stewart asked a lot of tough questions and took Cramer to task for trying to turn financial reporting into a game.  

There were laughs, but in the larger sense there was nothing funny about CNBC stock picker Jim Cramer's widely anticipated appearance. In response to aggressive questioning by Stewart, Cramer said that he was "chastised" and wished that the financial news network had done more to expose Wall Street corruption.

Here's the video if you want to see it. Cramer vs. Stewart

Stewart repeatedly blasted the channel for cheerleading Wall Street in the run-up to the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression. He questioned whether it was "selling snake oil as vitamin tonic" in a way that was "disingenuous at best and criminal at worse."

"Absolutely, we could do better," Cramer said. "There are shenanigans, and we should call them out. Everyone should. I should do a better job at it. I'm trying."

Stewart concluded by urging CNBC to cut its ad slogan "In Cramer We Trust" and "get back to fundamentals on the reporting.

Any of you Real Cougars watch Cramer?  I must admit I do on occasion - but I'm a Wall Street junkie.  Guess you can't take Wall Street out of the girl.  After spending over 20 years on a trading desk it's in my blood.

 

Work Over Romance - A Good Choice?

Real Cougars may make a conscious choice to be single but that's because they realize how important it is to be with the right guy.  It has nothing to do with making work your only focus and kicking romance to the curb.

But, according to an article I read over at Yahoo Shine, some women are deciding to take the focus off of their love lives and place in totally on their professional endeavors strictly because of our unstable economy.  To me that doesn't sound like a wise decision.

Real Cougars know the value of balance in their lives. All work and no play doesn't make us happy and it sure doesn't make our finances any better.  When we are happy with our love life it has a positive effect on everything else we do.  And, feeling good is very important to us. We don't paint ourselves in corners with either/or decisions.  

One of the women quoted in the article said, sometimes you just have to look out for yourself and sacrifices have to be made. It's a part of life right now in this economy." 

What do you think?  Would you give up romance until the economy improves?

Which Sex Is Suffering More In This Financial Crisis?

This horrible financial crisis is affecting all of us in some way or another.  It seems every day there is a new after shock that has us quaking in our boots.  This week it's Bernard Madoff's $50 billion dollar ponzi scheme.  After months and months of being bombarded by bad news it's natural for it to have an effect on your psyche.  But, which sex is experiencing the worst case of psychological damage?

If you guessed the men, then you are right.  Of course, we all have the right to feel anxious - it's normal.  But something more than anxiety if emerging with the male population.  It's an overwhelming erosion of self confidence.  This is not the same as clinicial depression.  It's believing success and accomplishment is intimately tied to your financial status.  More and more men aren't able to feel confident or good about themselves without the almighty dollar dictating their value.

Richard A. Friedman, a professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College, reports his male patients are telling him they used to see themselves as masters of the universe.  Now the present circumstances have cut them down to size.  Dr. Friedman has plenty of female patients who work in finance at high levels, but none of them has had this kind of psychological reaction.  He is now asking himself - do men rely disproportionately more on their work for their self-esteem than women do? Or are they just more vulnerable to the inevitable narcissistic injury that comes with performing poorly or losing one’s job? 

Personally, I think this erosion in self confidence has more to do with how much of your identity is attached to what you do, not your sex.  If money and business are the dominant forces in a women's life, she is more likely to fall apart when it is taken away.  I have experienced the loss of a business identity and it took years to recover.  I have talked to hundreds of other women and I can assure you I don't stand alone in that feeling.  All of us agree it takes hard work to regain faith in yourself and move ahead after a crisis of confidence.

Dr. Friedman's story appeared in Tuesday's New York Times to read it click here. 

Pyschics The New Investment Advisors

When people get scared they are more likely to run to unconventional sources to find answers about their future. And right now, to say we are treading in unchartered waters is an understatement.

What we thought was secure - isn't anymore.  Our jobs, our homes, our bank accounts, our investments, 401k's, IRA's have all been compromised and we're not sure what's coming next. The government is doing it's best to calm us down, by lending enormous amounts of money to stabilize our economic system.  Hopefully that will ease credit and enable businesses to borrow the money they need to keep their doors open. 

But, nevertheless people are afraid and when they happens they start asking themselves the what if question.  What if I don't have enough to make it through? And, just to illustrate that's what is going on, they are looking for advice from their psychics.

Maria Napoli, a Manhattan astrologer whose clientele includes a growing circle of the rich and famous in the worlds of fashion, art and finance, observed that many of her clients were fretting about a global picture, not just their careers. “They are asking: ‘Where are we headed as a country? Are we entering a depression?’ Mostly they are after a little peace of mind.

“When you don’t know what to expect of a job interview or a business partnership,” said Gita V. Johar, a professor of at the Columbia University Business School, “that is when you’re most likely to turn to a psychic.”

Professor Johar, whose specialty is studying the effects of superstition on consumer behavior, suggested that when your portfolio is shrinking or your business is tanking, talking to a soothsayer may be “one way of feeling in control.” She needed no crystal ball herself to predict that “given the uncertainty of the economy, psychics are going to see an increase in business.”

When I read this story in the New York Times, I found it fascinating, but not surprising.  To read more from the original article click here.

Warren Buffet: Be Fearful When Others Are Greedy, And Be Greedy When Others Are Fearful

In an New York Times editorial on Friday, Warren Buffet tells us:  Buy American, I am.  Mr. Buffet was talking about his personal account which previously held only U.S. Government Bonds.  Now he is putting his money into American stocks.

Why is he doing it?  He lives by this rule:  Be fearful when others are greedy and be greedy when others are fearful.  "Fear is now so widespread, gripping even seasoned investors, but fears regarding the long-term prosperity of the nation's many sound company's make no sense", says this financial guru. 

He goes on to state "I can't predict the short-term movements of the stock market, but it is likely that the market will move higher, perhaps substantially and if you wait for the robins, spring will be over".

I have to listen when this man talks.  He believes cash equivalents aren't where our money should be.  Over the next decade equities will almost certainly outperform cash.  Those investors who are waiting for good news are ignoring Wayne Gretzky's advice:  "I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been".

To read Buffet's editorial in full click here.

Jean Chatzky - She's Back to Basics In The Midst Of A Financial Meltdown

On Monday I attended the MORE Magazine Reinvention Convention.  They had a who's-who roster of speakers including Carly Fiorina, Cybill Shepherd, Dr. Nancy Snyderman, Isaac Mizzrahi and Jean Chatzsky - to name just a few. In my opinion, the thread that connected all the women who traveled from near and far to attend was confusion.  Changes in their bodies, their relationships and their careers are creating uncertainty - too much hitting all at once.  They want to see light at the end of the tunnel, but aren't sure how to make that happen.

As you would imagine the meltdown of our financial markets is adding an ton of anxiety about the future.  Women usually don't talk about the stock market and their investments, but on Monday they did.  The room was packed when Jean Chatzky took the floor.  All of us were looking for sage advice on what to do in this crisis, but what we got fell way short.  Maybe I am being harsh but what we heard was the same old vanilla rhetoric. Here's a few of Jean's steps for going forward, see what you think.

• Get organized - set up a filing system
• Pay bills as they come in and pay them online to save time
• Protect yourself with estate planning - living will, power of attorney etc.
• Educate yourself - Read the Personal Section of the Wall Street Journal twice a week
• Give Back - Be charitable even when your own assets have shrunk
• Don't be consumed by wanting more - be grateful for what you have
• Money doesn't buy happiness

My advice - don't panic and keep your money safe - cash is king for at least the next three months.  Right now the country is building a "bridge of confidence" and we have to see if that bridge holds the tremendous amount of weight being piled on it.  There will be many opportunities for all of us to make make what we've lost but let's see some signs of stabilization before we dive into the the markets - both stock and real estate.

Real Cougars - Taking On Too Much?

I want to share an email I received from one of my Real Cougars.  I think it's important for all of us to realize just how much responsibility is put on our shoulders - and, one of the big reasons it's happening.  Read this and see if you can relate.  We must learn to slow down or I fear there will be a very high price to pay!  I would love to hear your comments.

 

Men have lost their "balls" and some women have totally taken over the entire role in a relationship.  It is a totally gentle balance we must keep -- a very difficult balance to find and maintain.  In our defense, we have had to take over both roles because the men in our lives have failed to maintain their side of the relationship.  I will use my personal life as an example (sorry if this is too one-sided).  I returned home one day about 5 years ago to retrieve the mail before my husband.  I found all my utilities "pink slipped" or about to be turned off.  When questioned about it since the utilities were his responsibility to pay, he merely shrugged his shoulders and said "I guess I overspent."  He couldn't tell me where his money went (and he made at that time approximately half again as much as I was making) but he did not have enough to cover the bills.

 

 At that point I made the decision to work my independent business less and go to work for an additional attorney (I am a paralegal and community college adjunct professor).  I found myself working about 60 hours per week to make sure all of the bills got paid.  With this responsibility I also took over making decisions for the family, which I thought was only fair since I was the majority source of financial security.

 

If the "males" will re-assume their traditional role of being the bread winner, maybe we can concentrate on coupling being "sexy" with professional.  I love nothing more than to combine my professional look with a look that screams "woman," but when I had to assume all roles (wife/mother/financial provider) it is hard not to appear tough.  Unfortunately, with the assumption of the above, I allowed myself to neglect myself.  I am now on a regimen to renew myself -- I have lost 35 pounds in the last 10 months (along with my gallbladder) and am working with every fiber of my body to re-create myself as a woman (not an easy task at 56; however, I have not felt so good about myself in a long time).

 

Men need to "step up to the plate" and re-establish themselves so that we women can stop having to "strap on a set" and do what they are supposed to do.

 

Thanks for the opportunity to vent!

Jane Bryant Quinn Proves You Can Be A Real Cougar At Any Age

Jane Bryant Quinn and Carll Tucker were married on Saturday. 

Jane is a very smart lady.  She writes a financial column for Newsweek, has authored many books  including "Smart and Simple Financial Strategies for Busy People and was also instrumental in developing the Quicken Financial Planner.   And, if that's not enough to get your attention, she was named as one of the 25 most influential women in the United States by the World Almanac.

So, Jane fits all the criteria to be a Real Cougar, but there's more.  Her new husband just happens to be 13 years younger that she is. Don't these two happy people look like they belong together? 

Jane and Carll only prove it's never too late to be swept off your feet.  True love could be waiting for you around the next corner.  Just make sure you keep your eyes wide open so you don't miss cupid when he shows up with his magic arrow.

Patricia Walsh-Smith - All I Can Say is Yuck!

In her six-minute video (which as of Friday night had received more than 2,750,000 hits), Tricia Walsh-Smith lashes out at husband Phil Smith, president of the Shubert Organization,  He wants out and now we can all understand why.

On camera in the Park Avenue apartment from which she says she is being forcibly evicted by him, Walsh-Smith (who is 25 years her spouse's junior) reveals candid facts about the marriage and at one point gets on speaker phone and calls Smith's assistant to ask what she should do with her estranged husband's Viagra and porn collection.

Tricia is portraying herself as the consummate victim.  Why in the world would she choose to do that?  Of course we'll never know what really happened, but that's not what's important. What's important is to read between the lines.  There is a there is a huge lesson here for women. Never leave yourself that vulnerable and unprotected.

It's the responsibility of every woman to be in charge of her own financial future.  When you hand over that responsibility to a man, you also hand over your power. 

So, take the time and the effort to learn everything you need to know about protecting yourself from the curve balls life throws at us. Have your own personal bank account, find the right financial advisor - be prepared and be smart.