Cougars At 50 Are Turning Ageism Upside Down

Are you afraid of turning 50?  I know I was.  I thought 50 was the threshold to old age and I wasn't ready to cross over that precipice.  I am not naive and I know that your 50's introduce a new decade of things to deal with - hot flashes, sags, wrinkles, changing relationships - but once you get a handle on them life can be sweeter than ever.  

There are Real Cougars over 50 who see themselves as sexy, smart and confident. But, there are other women who view the fifth decade as nothing more than one step closer to assisted living. Fifty gets you thinking of all the things that may now be impossible  - a sexy wardrobe, a new career or even a 30 something boyfriend.  

But, hold on!.  What if your thinking is all wrong? What if you could have all those things?

The reality is we don't have to become the withering flowers that society assures us we will.  The choice of how we view aging and how we age is up to us.  I admit I am still fighting some of the aging demons myself, but with every new idea, with every new friend I make, with every new risk I take my zest for life only gets juicier. 

My advice to all of your Real Cougars over 50 - keep those stilettos close by -  you are going to need them.

Cougars And Their Teenage Daughters

I have been giving a lot of thought lately to the subject of aging.  It happens to all of us but some accept it more gracefully than others.  I opt for gracefully, but doing everything I can to say healthy, sexy, vibrant and passionate about life.  I just want to be the best I can be for the age that I am.

I don't have a teenage daughter but that doesn't mean I don't see how aware teenage girls are of their mother's fear, or, more accurately, their hatred, of aging. One girl said, "Every time I wrinkle my forehead, my mother points it out and tells me not to." Another spoke about "competitive dieting" with her mom, how she couldn't help but engage in it even though she thought her mother's obsession with fat was "crazy."

There is a study out from the Girl Scouts of the USA telling us what we already know, which is that the fashion industry and its use of ultra-thin models is making teenage girls too obsessed with being skinny, and distorting their body image. In my more limited unscientific research, the mothers are as strong an influence. Going on shopping trips with mom, usually a bonding experience, became all about hearing moms moan about their fat and rolls. Or seeing your mother trying on something, look in the mirror and say, ""I look ugly."

God knows, I am not advocating growing old naturally, just to remember what a tender fragile time adolescence is.  Daughters need their moms to be stable and secure.  I have so many friends who will tell me with surprise, when looking at photos of themselves when they were younger, "Hey, I was really cute. I didn't realize it." No one does. You have to get older to realize it.

It's Complicated - For Meryl Streep And Every Women Over 50

Meryl Streep at 60 is beautiful, she's at the height of her career and last night she won yet another award for her magnificent work in Julia and Julia.

Women all over the country looked forward to the release of another one of Streep's movies - It's Complicated.  It was the first time in a long time we've seen men in their 50's dating and being attracted to women their own age. 

All of us tend to repeat the mistakes of the past and are still vulnerable when it comes to matters of the heart.  We sometimes re-imagine past relationships, romanticizing them and their consequences and in doing so, miss out on something fabulous that’s waiting for us in the present.

It can be easy, especially when you’re single or unhappy in your current relationship, to wonder about the “one that got away” and reminisce about the good times, completely forgetting whatever valid reasons you had to end the relationship in the first place. The opposite can also be true – settling for a relationship that makes you completely miserable for fear that this is as good as it gets.

Whether you’re in something and trying to get out or watching from the sidelines and trying to get in, remember the old saying “wherever you go, that’s where you are?” It’s trite but true. Changing your status in life, doesn’t change who you are at your core, only you can do that.   The fact is, it all can be very complicated – relationships, love, happiness -  if it were easy, finding it wouldn’t be our life’s work. But at the end of the day as complicated as it all is, it is worth it.

Cougar Cruise For Women Only!

I don't know why the media is so interested in the cancellation of Carnival's Cougar Cruises.  This inane coverage only propagates more negativity around the term cougar and for all women over 40.  Don't take my word for it - judge for yourself.  Here are a couple of statements pulled from one of the articles - "It seemed it was finally acceptable for sex-hungry older women to hunt down younger men for romance.  And, "Carnival doesn't want predatory women prowling the decks for boy toys".  Nice huh?

 

I don't know why Carnival decided to pull the plug on these cruises, and I really don't care.  In this economy grabbing a piece of the travel dollar is crucial so it didn't take long for other cruise lines to announce they would be delighted to step up and grab the business.

 

Here's what I want to do - organize a Cougar Cruise for women only.  That's something that would be beneficial for all of us. Real Cougars are not man hungry.  In fact, they refuse to be defined by any man regardless of age.  We are strong, confident, independent women who are busy trying to deal with life after 40 and all the changes we are experiencing.  The women who join my Real Cougar Woman Club are looking for support and they are looking for ways to empower themselves.  We all need more TLC and less negative press on how desperate we are.

Real Cougars Are Taming The Aging Demons

As the New Year rapidly approaches it is natural to reflect on what lies ahead.  Yikes, we are all another year older and that's enough to put us into an end-of-the-year funk. It's when we are in reflection mode the aging demons really start to play some pretty nasty games with our heads.  Did you know that the fear of aging is now the #1 fear of women over 40?

Time goes by so quickly.  When you stop to think about how old you are, isn't it shocking?  Doesn't it seem that just yesterday you were 25? 

Real Cougars are always learning new ways to turn back the clock.  We are great at that. We look fabulous, we have a great attitude, we are confident, we are financially independent (or moving in that direction) and we take good care of our bodies.  The thing we aren't so good at is taming the psychological demons.  The gnawing concerns about aging that keep us up at night wondering what the future will bring.

In 2010 my focus will be learning to be happy about my age.  I am setting out to banish all my aging demons.  If we can work together on being proud of our age then 2010 will truly be The Year Women Soar Like Never Before. I hope you will join me as this new adventure unfolds. 

As the New Year rapidly approaches it is natural to reflect on what lies ahead.  Yikes, we are all another year older and that's enough to put us into an end-of-the-year funk. It's when we are in reflection mode the aging demons really start to play some pretty nasty games with our heads.  Did you know that the fear of aging is now the #1 fear of women over 40?

Time goes by so quickly.  When you stop to think about how old you are, isn't it shocking?  Doesn't it seem that just yesterday you were 25? 

Real Cougars are always learning new ways to turn back the clock.  We are great at that. We look fabulous, we have a great attitude, we are confident, we are financially independent (or moving in that direction) and we take good care of our bodies.  The thing we aren't so good at is taming the psychological demons.  The gnawing concerns about aging that keep us up at night wondering what the future will bring.

In 2010 my focus will be learning to be happy about my age.  I am setting out to banish all my aging demons.  If we can work together on being proud of our age then 2010 will truly be The Year Women Soar Like Never Before. I hope you will join me as this new adventure unfolds. 

Real Cougars Are A Great Catch

George Bernard Shaw said, “Youth is wasted on the young”. Let's all chime in and say "Amen! 

I am constantly being reminded how difficult it is for women over 40 to find love and that the dating process is pure hell. I wish I had a nickel for every time I hear that dating is a young person's game and putting yourself in such a vulnerable position just ain't worth it.

Well, don't be so fast to count yourself out of the game.  If you start to think your years are stacking the odds against your romantic possibilities, it’s time to review the benefits that age bring.  Real Cougar women understand this and that's why they are able to attract wonderful men at any age. They have that special blend of poise and sass that men just eat up.    

Let me help you count the way you are a great catch.

You know yourself better now.
At the heart of wise dating is a clear understanding of who you are. You must know your needs, temperament, strengths and weaknesses before you can select the right partner.

You are better equipped to assess potential partners.
How people present themselves often is not an accurate gauge of what’s going on inside. As we get older, we become more skilled at figuring out what makes others tick. We look for clues about their true character. We watch for signs of emotional health, spiritual commitment, and sound decision-making.

You have a clearer sense of what matters.
By the time we’re well into adulthood, most of us understand that lasting love hinges on heart-and-soul qualities. Kindness, unselfishness, compassion, joyfulness—these are the qualities that enrich relationships over the long haul. We know that these internal characteristics are far more significant than external factors.

You have clarified your dreams and goals. 
We are more focused and do only the things that we feel called to do. That’s important because a great marriage includes two people whose goals and dreams overlap. As you have become more selective about the ambitions to pursue, you are better able to evaluate whether your goals complement those of your potential partner.

You have more realistic expectations.
You've undoubtedy been in some rough relationships. Those experiences, though painful at the time, have an upside: they provide valuable lessons and create a more reasonable, sensible view of love and marriage. Older singles know that any kind of romantic relationship, however wonderful, will have problems to work through. A long-term relatinships can be fabulous, but it will never be flawless.

If you cringe at the thought of your years piling up, do yourself a huge favor: tune out the negative messages about age and focus instead on the advantages. Your years on earth have prepared you—now more than ever—for a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

Real Cougar Names 2010 "The Year Women Real Cougar Women Soar Like Never Before"

As the Year of the Cougar winds down I am naming 2010 "The Year Real Cougar Women Soar Like Never Before".  This is the perfect time to take everything you have worked so hard for and move it to the next level. It's time to stop making excuses and start being the woman who doesn't settle for second best.

Too often when we don't get what we want we point the finger of blame.  We say, we're being treated unfairly because we're too old, we're overweight, we're in debt, we don't have enough experience.  Is all of that true?  In many cases of course it is.  But that's not enough reason to stop trying.  I know when I want something badly enough I get very creative. If I am denied access through the front door, I will make my entrance through the back.  It takes grit and it takes persistence but everything we want we can have.  Of course believing in yourself is a major factor in making it happen.

In my book Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am, I devoted the largest chapter to explaining my "I CREATE" model.  I call it Your Personal Success Magnet.  I have used it for years and it hasn't failed me yet. Some say I have the ability to make the impossible happen.  

My latest achievement was getting my book into the Barnes & Noble stores.  When I couldn't find anyone to held me do that, I figured a way to do it myself.  Again I back-doored it.  I was a first time author who used a very small boutique publisher and that profile usually doesn't get a book into the large book stores. But mine made it. Now, when I visit the stores to sign my books I am smiling from ear to ear seeing them displayed on the holiday table.

Never doubt what you are capable of doing.  I was the first Canadian woman to own a seat on The New York Stock Exchange and run a Wall Street trading department without ever going to college. I make the impossible possible and you can too.  If not now when?

Men Of A Certain Age

Men of a Certain Age,” premieres Monday on TNT. It's about three aging friends in Southern California and stars Ray Romano.  On this show, we get to see a believable portrait of ordinary men who feel they have arrived at a stage in their lives where they are backsliding.

For women of a certain age, on the other hand, the glaring awfulness of ABC's “Cougar Town” stands out as this year’s undeserved slap in the face.  We get a totally unrealistic view of a forty-year-old woman who's life is more of a cartoon than real life.

TNT has become a kind of sanctuary where older performers can safely play against type: women are tough and tyrannical cops in shows like “The Closer” and “Saving Grace,” and now the stars of “Men of a Certain Age” are fragile, sensitive creators almost on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Mr. Romano is recognizable in this role. Joe is what would happen to sitcom Raymond if his wife left him, his parents died, and he started to hate his job.

Men and women of a certain age all go through their own "Tsunami of Change".  We start to wonder about our life's purpose, we start to focus on our own mortality and we wonder if it's too late to start over. Perhaps watching this realistic portrayal that highlights our own insecurities, will help us figure things out.

Cougar Image Changing - Here's What They Really Want

A new survey is confirming something I have been telling you for over three years. Cougars are not looking for one night stands - they are looking for warm, loving, long term relationships.  The old stereotype of a sugar mama looking for a fling with a boy toy is fading fast and thank heaven for that.

This is the age of women's freedom. Women over 40 are out to change the antiquated double standard.  We are taking care of ourselves financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  We have a youthful vitality that proves age is just a number.  We are women who are recognizing new relationship possibilities for ourselves.. A recent survey of 100 self-proclaimed cougars show that more than 90% want a long-term relationship with a younger man.

Here's what else Real Cougars are looking for. Young guys who are romantic, chivalrous and, best of all, relatively free of the emotional baggage from the past.

The Cougar Survey says 45% of the women questioned were ‘lifestyle cougars’ who have dated more than five younger men. About a third of them say they will never go back to dating men their own age.  For more on the cougar survey click here.

Kim Cattrall is Wrong - Cougars Are Here To Stay

Kim Cattrall, aka the highly sexual Samantha Jones in Sex and the City, thinks that the trend of older women dating younger men is over.  The Real Cougar Women in my community don't agree.  Here is what they have to say. "Being an older, fabulous woman will never be over.  And dating younger men, if we choose to, isn't going anywhere either."

Cattrall said in a recent interview, "cougar" is passe.  I think we're on to something else now.  Maybe she feels that way because she recently broke up with her younger partner Alan Wyse.

Kim and I do agree on one thing - the most important thing - the foundation of my Real Cougar movement.  The cougar is not about being a woman on the prowl.  Women should expand on what has been started by the "cougar" revolution and enjoy the fruits of the change.  We've done the work, let's enjoy the party.

Each and every woman, regardles of age, needs to pull her dreams out of the closet and start living them.  All of this media hype about cougars has taken our issues from the shadows and put them on center stage. In my book, that does a lot more good than harm.

So, if you are a woman who believes you are smart, confident, independent and powerful, please become a part of our ever growing community.  Join The Real Cougar Woman Club.  It's a great place where women enjoy supporting women.