Real Cougars Changing the Aging Paradigm

Susan Boyle has spawned a flurry of commentary focused on how we stereotype people.  How all of us fall victim to the prejudices of ageism or look-ism, and how we should learn, once and for all, not to judge a book by it's cover.   

Many social scientists who study the science of stereotyping say there are reasons we quickly size people up based on how they look. Snap judgments about people are crucial to the way we function, they say — even when those judgments are very wrong.  SusanFiske, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Princeton says, attractive people are “credited with being socially skilled,and maybe they are, because “if you’re beautiful or handsome, people laugh at your jokes and interact with you in such a way that it’s easy to be socially skilled.”

Age plays a role in forging stereotypes, too, with older people traditionally seen as “harmless and useless,” Professor Fiske said. In fact, she said, research has shown that racial and ethnic stereotypes are easier to change over time than gender and age stereotypes, which are “particularly sticky.

In my humble opinion, the only way to change the aging paradigm is to conquer our fear of aging. The reason we are so critical of people who are fat, unattractive or aging badly, is the fear of becoming one of them.  Whether you admit it or not, the fear of aging is present in all of us.

So, the question becomes how to rise above your fear, how to rise above your ego and be happy with the skin you're in. That's what I have researched for my new book, "Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am..The Real Cougar Guide To Life After Forty".  The pages are filled with practical how-to's that are designed to tame the fear of aging and replace it with the anticipation and joy of what's coming next.

Dolly Parton - A Real Cougar Extraordinaire

I absolutely adore Dolly Parton.  Defying all known logic,she remains tough and cool even in the musty pages of AARP magazine latest issue. She recently told them “After you reach a certain age, they think you’re over. Well, I will never be over. I’ll be making records if I have to sell them out of the trunk of my car. I’ve done that in my past, and I’d do it again.” Did you hear that, Kanye?

What I love most about Dolly is her energizing spirit.  She said "there wasn't ever a time I thought I wasn't going to make it."  And, even when she did make it, she just kept right on dreaming.  That's something all of us need to be doing. You are never too old to dream.

Dolly's dreaming has always been informed by an abiding faith. Over the years she has fashioned her own personal spirituality like so many of us Real Cougars have.  Danny Nozell, Parton's personal manager says "her faith drives her. She thinks about things, she prays on them, then she makes a decision.  And, the decisions more-often-than-not goes her way."

At 63, this woman can teach all of us a thing or two about living life to the fullest.

Midlife Suicides Rise 20% - What's Going On?

Earlier this month I wrote a blog on how midlife is the toughest time for most of us.  Yesterday in the New York Times there was a front page article on how 40 to 64 year olds are deciding to end the pain by taking their own lives.  The lack of research as to the why this is happening is giving way to a myriad of theories. 

One of the more popular theories was a drop in hormone replacement therapy after the Women's Health Initiative scared both women and doctors back in 2002.  Personally, I believe this more than a theory.  When your hormones are not in balance it affects everything about you.  They control how your body functions. 

Aging Doesn't Have To Suck - Or Does It?

Okay I have a confession to make.  If you're a reader of this blog you know I'm a staunch advocate who strongly believes that aging is inevitable - how we can is always our choice. I'm always saying to age gracefully, beautifully and healthfully you must take care of your body, mind and spirit every day. But every once in a while I get discouraged.  This is one of those times. Today I'm saying "aging real does suck".

I just got back from Toronto where I spent a week with my Mom.  Mom is 98.5 years old.  She doesn't have a wrinkle on her face and she's lucky because she still has all her marbles.  But, unfortunately aging is having it's way with her as it will with most of us.  She has lost her her passion for eating, her legs refuse to support her any longer, and aches and pains have become the norm.  I think it's now a struggle between body and spirit.  Part of her wants to let go but the other part desperately wants to hold on to what's familiar.  If you could look at this process without emotion it's really quite fascinating, but of course you can't. 

Success In The New Year - Going From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be

The final chapter of 2007 is almost ready to be put to bed.  That means once again we'll sit back and judge what we've done, or not done, over the past 12 months.  Unfortunately, that harsh, you're never good enough voice that lives inside our head will probably rule the day.  And, as the year ends, we will be counting our failures rather than appreciating our victories.

This New Year's lets all toast to transforming that voice. Let's promise ourselves not to obsess on the woulda, coulda, shouldas and learn a new way of being.  Let's start down the "all things are possible" road. Let's celebrate ourselves, and everything that we are capable of accomplishing in 2008.

Real Cougars Leaving Boomer Men: Will This Spark a New Trend?

  The Real Cougar woman is a fascinating character study. She is changing the social landscape of this country.  She is revolutionizing, how woman over 40 see themselves. She is sexy, smart, independent and not afraid to take risks.  I find it fascinating to dig deep to see what motivates her, what scares her and how she handles the joy and the pain that accompany her evolution.

The Real Cougar is ready to shake things up. She isn't afraid to walk away from what is no longer working. But, how's that affecting her male counterpart?  What's happening to the boomer man?  Is the former "King of the Jungle" limping along dragging his tail between his legs? And, the big question is, will this sleeping lion, wake up and start fighting for what he wants?  I think he will find his roar and that's what will ignite the next big trend in this country. 

Amy Grant Is A Fine Example Of A Real Cougar

I just happened to catch Amy Grant being interviewed about her new book Mosaic.  During that interview I heard her talk about women's identity.  That's what this blog is all about. But first I just want to would say that Amy Grant is a fine example of a Real Cougar woman.  She is smart, successful, beautiful, sexy, and is certainly enjoying the life she created for herself. Rock on Amy!

Ok here's what Amy said. (These are not her exact words,but it's the importance of the message that counts).  Women go through their whole lives trying to figure things out, especially about who they are and what makes them unique.  Then, one day you finally get it.  But, by that time you are old, grey and wrinkled and nobody cares about what you have to say. Nobody's listening.

This is a subject that is very near and dear to my heart. Each and every women needs to have a voice.  Each one of us has to have an identity that she is proud of. It's important not to parrot what other people believe, it's important to express and live by what you believe.  Without that, life is empty. You go through the motions but you don't feel the passion. Life is meant to be juicy and delicious, and you are the only one that can make that happen.

 

Female Sexual Dysfunction: You're Not Alone

A  significant portion of the female population will have some sort of sexually-related health difficulty or dysfunction in their lifetime. But, findings from an international survey conducted by The Women's Sexual Health Foundation found that less than 9% of women ages 21 to 80 are asked by their healthcare provider if they are having difficulties with sex.  I'm not surprised, are you?  We are so rushed during an appointment with our doctors, it's a wonder they have time to take our blood pressure.

As you can see from the stats below, most women on the planet will fall into one or more of the categories that contribute to Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD).

Boomers On Vacation Aren't Making Whoopee

Sunscreen and cameras will be stuffed into the suitcase but massage oil and lingerie are likely to be left behind when Canadian baby boomers go on vacation.  This was reported in an article by Shannon Proudfoot of CanWest News Service.  If that's what going on, or more accurately, not going on in Canada, is the rest of the world behaving much differently?

Less than half of Canadian baby boomers (43 per cent) say they have sex while on holidays, which means 57% aren't. And, if they aren't having sex on vacation, chances are good they are not having sex at home either. 

The people surveyed say they have sex more often in the spring and summer months, but one-third have vacation sex only "sometimes," and 12 per cent say they rarely or never engage in adult pursuits while away from the daily grind.

Boomers Spending Billions to Age Naturally

In a new report "The Realities About Aging Naturally", Focalyst a leading source of information on baby boomers found that 33 million boomer consumers will give nature a helping hand  by purchasing anti-aging products in the next 12 months.  That translates to over $4 billion dollars being spent.

"We are seeing a true dichotomy between attitudes and behaviors around appearance and aging", according to Heather Stern, Director of Marketing at Focalyst. She believes boomers see anything that is non-surgical or invasive as still being natural.