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9 posts from January 2012

January 30, 2012

Does Cheating Ever Work Out?

Does Cheating Ever Work Out? Fayr Barkley The Real Cougar WomanBy: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.
 
Back in my grandparents’ era, divorce was relatively uncommon. Women had fewer choices then and fewer financial resources. “Divorce” and “adultery” were dirty words only whispered.  Most wives looked the other way. There was not any No Fault Divorce on the books, so one had to prove adultery or cruelty, which brought even more whispers and shame from the community.
Flash forward to the ‘60’s and women’s struggle for civil rights, equal pay for equal work and sexual freedom. Increased financial resources meant women didn’t have to put up with infidelity any more; they could now take care of themselves.
Nowadays, almost as many married women as men are cheating. The “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” is alive…but is it well…for relationships, that is. Celebrities do it. Politicians do it. Now Middle America is doing it. But I have to believe it is taking its toll on relationships and perhaps people are not really focused on the gravity of the marriage commitment so much when they think,”If it doesn’t work out, I’ll just get a divorce, or find someone on the side.”
I also have to believe, there are those of us out there who still believe in the integrity of the institution of marriage. Just this week, a young man whom I have known for a few years texted and asked me to have an affair with him. “Aren’t you married?” I asked him. “And don’t you have a young child with your wife?”
Here is the rest of the conversation:
 
Him: You know you want to see me. I really want to see you.
Me: There is no potential upside for me to see you.  And it would not be fair to your wife or your son. I am sorry you chose to marry a woman with whom you now say you don’t love and don’t feel sexually compatible, but you made that choice and now you have a child with her.
Him: Do you want to see me or do you just want to tear me apart?
Me: I don’t break up marriages or families and I don’t help married men cheat. I have integrity and ethics about that.
Him: OK. I get it. How about we meet just for coffee? We can be friends. Good friends.
Me: Frankly, I don’t associate with liars and cheaters.
Him: You know you want to see me. We had such great chemistry together once. Let’s see if it’s still there.
Me: There is no future for us either romantically or as friends. I hope you focus instead on your relationship with your wife and son.
Afterwards, it occurred to me if women didn’t cheat with married men (and vice versa) then the rate of infidelity would go drastically down.  People would think hard about making a marriage commitment and work harder at making better choices and working on the relationship.
 
Men cheat because we LET them cheat. Maybe wives don’t give them permission to do it, but it makes it easier if other women make ourselves available. I happen to believe I am worth more than being the “other woman.”  A LOT more. Think of it this way: Would YOU want some woman helping your husband or partner cheat on you? 
 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

January 25, 2012

Modesty Move Over - It's All About Shameless Self Promotion

by Linda Franklin 

 
 
Stand out from the crowd: Don't be afraid to promote yourself if you want to be successfulStand out from the crowd: Don’t be afraid to promote yourself if you want to be successful.
 
Women do understand that self-promotion is the key to success, but too many shy away from it. Why is that? Could it be the notion that it’s inherently unfeminine to champion yourself?

Not only are women bad at self-promotion, sometimes we do the exact opposite.

Peninah Thomson, chief executive of the Mentoring Foundation which aims to get more women round the boardroom table, says: ‘Women are more likely to tell you three good reasons why they’re not ready for promotion, whereas a man will give you ten good reasons why you should promote him, even if they are of equal ability.

It’s natural to thrive when you are reminded how good you are, but women by nature, are terribly self-critical.  We have to get over believing that self-promotion is not about puffing yourself up, it is merely stating the truth about your achievements with poise and confidence.

Women also need to assume authority rather than waiting to be given it.

Findings by the international research group Catalyst has found that self-promotion is the single most effective key to women’s success, not just in business but romance and friendship, too.

Those who did the most to make their achievements known advanced further, were more satisfied with their careers and got better pay rises than those who didn’t.

There are times when modesty is appropriate — giving credit to your team for example — and times when it isn’t. There are very few examples of senior executives who are soft-spoken introverts.’

So what can women do to boost their self-confidence — and consequently their willingness to self-promote — in the workplace?

First and foremost, it’s taking the time and having the endurance to get sufficient road under your tires. In other words, climbing the ladder demands resilience and hard work, not just telling yourself you’re a star.

Along the way you need to invest in yourself, by adding to your qualifications. And then there are things such as public speaking, which is essential today, and learning the skills of networking.  You can’t put a price on networking.  Today getting ahead is all about relationship building.  

Women have to learn not to take the safe road.  Success is all about taking risks.

Here’s a few tips for successfully blowing your own horn:

  • Volunteer rather than waiting to be asked.
  • Take a risk — such as working abroad for six months.
  • Strike a balance between confidence and over-confidence.
  • Be visible rather than a wall flower.
  • Request a pay increase and come prepared with your list of accomplishments.  
  • Focus on your successes rather than your failures.
  • Network, network, network.
  • Seek out a mentor, someone who will champion you. People love to give advice.
  • Dress for the job you want.

January 23, 2012

Madonna Still HopesThere’s A Mr. Right – Like All Of UsPosted

by Linda Franklin

Madonna Still Believes There's A Mr. Right - Like All Of Us Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanLast Friday night, Madonna, of all people, admitted to this - ”even if we are sophisticated, educated, evolved human beings, we still in the back of our minds think Mr Right is going to rush in and sweep us off our feet. ‘If you have half a brain, you know real love doesn’t exist, but I can see myself walking down the aisle again.”

Now, it could well be that the Material Girl was merely faking a belief in the idea of a great love because she was promoting her film W.E., depicting the affair between Edward and Mrs Simpson. But maybe not.

Madonna still feels, at 53,  that she is attractive and has a lot to give a man. She has conquered every career mountain it is possible to assail, and now wants to focus on relationship.  She has an amazing lifestyle but is beginning to realize it’s not as much fun doing it alone.

She has been wounded and betrayed by men, but is still willing to believe she has not yet met the right one. ‘We keep getting disappointed,’ she said. ‘But we still hold out hope that, next time, he will be The One.’

She isn’t the only woman who has that sense of longing, that hope that one day her knight in shining armor will come and sweep her away to the Magic Kingdom. 

But, does a great love really exist out here in the real world, away from the silver screen or between the pages of romantic fiction?  Why do we find it so hard to find the great love we’re still holding out for? Well, for one, we are perfectionists.

The thing that breaks apart many relationships is the desire for everything to be perfect – and there is no such thing.  How could we expect one human being to be the perfect man?  Always disappointed, like Madonna, too many of us never made relationships a priority. We believed that success, money, power and nice things would be enough. Unfortunately, we have discovered they aren’t.

But don’t give up hope – happiness isn’t that elusive.  It begins with refocusing your priority list.  When you are happy with yourself you won’t be as critical with the man in your life.. 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

January 20, 2012

Big Butts Hot

By Linda Franklin

Big Butts Hot in 2011 by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanHow’s this for a New Year’s resolution: “make my butt look bigger!” Apparently this is the rallying cry for millions of women according to RealSelf, a popular reviews and information site for medical-beauty treatments.  Searches for butt augmentations lifted 39% in 2011*, making it the fastest moving topic on the site in terms of overall consumer interest. 

“Anytime we see a big spike in searches at our website for a particular procedure, it indicates a dramatic increase in consumer attention. In 2011 lifting and enhancing the butt topped the list, and we foresee this holding strong for 2012 as well,” said Alicia Nakamoto, VP of Community for RealSelf. 

“There are some definite pop culture cues driving this trend and where the waif look was once in, women now want to know how to get a fuller backside!”

Rounding out butt enhancement surgeries, RealSelf analyzed more than 20 million searches performed at its site in 2011 to find the biggest movers in terms of consumer interest, indicating these will also be the hot trends to watch in 2012. The top five movers are: 

  1. Butt Enhancements (up 39%) – one of the most popular such treatments is the Brazilian Butt Lift, which transfers a patient’s own fat cells to enhance the shape and size of the buttocks, as seen in the before and after gallery here: bit.ly/RealSelfBrazilianButtLift. The procedure scores a 90% “Worth It” rating by RealSelf community members who have undergone the treatment and costs an average of $7,624, according to RealSelf data.
  2. Eyelid Surgery (up 26%) – involves surgically smoothing out and lifting the skin around the eye area. Worth It Score: 74%. Average Cost: $4,268.
  3. Lip Augmentation (up 25%) – aimed at temporarily plumping the skin and smoothing nearby wrinkles through chemical filler injections. Worth It Score: 56%. Average Cost: $1,619
  4. Liposuction Alternatives (up 28%) – includes non-surgical approaches to fat reduction, and was led by increased interest in a new technology called CoolSculpting, which uses controlled cooling to eliminate fat cells. Worth It Score: 75%. Average Cost: $1,730.
  5. Wrinkle Freezers (up 11%) – Botox is the most widely known option for this treatment performed on the face, which involves using botulinum toxin injections to block communication between nerve endings and the muscles responsible for the deep wrinkles, thus temporarily “freezing” the wrinkles. Botox Worth It Score: 65%. Average Cost: $487.

To learn more about specific cosmetic procedures – including before and after images, treatment overviews, Worth It ratings, average costs and even questions and answers with board-certified physicians – visit www.realself.com/reviews

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

January 16, 2012

Senior Moments at 45 – OMG!

by Linda Franklin

Senior Moments at 45 by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman

Where did I put my keys?  Why did I come into the kitchen?  Sound familiar?  We refer to this temporary memory loss as a senior moment, or at least I do.  And, scientists last week declared that our ability to remember everyday things such as names and numbers starts to go at the tender age of 45. OY!!!

But before you resign yourself to spending the second half of your life as a mental basket-case, there is positive scientific news, too. 

First the bad news….Last week’s study of more than 7,000 participants published online in the British Medical Journal, revealed how our power of recall starts to decline earlier than previously thought. Men and women suffered the same 3.6 per cent loss in memory power between the ages of 45 and 49. 

Processing speed in our brains slows down from our 20s onwards. ‘By mid-life, most of our brains show some fraying around the edges,’ says Barbara Strauch, author of The Secret Life Of The Grown-Up Brain.

Senior moment – or something worse?

In normal age-related memory loss, short-term recall is usually most affected. In moderation, this is quite healthy. It is also natural to worry that such mid-life forgetfulness is a harbinger of something more sinister, such as dementia.

The ‘aha!’ test can indicate if you should be concerned. If you forget a word temporarily, but feel that it is on the tip of your tongue, and finally recall it with a sense of ‘Aha! That’s it,’ then your reaction is healthy.

Growing older is not the only reason that our memory power may dwindle. Our ability to remember things can also be afflicted by our lifestyles. One common problem may be stress.  Isn’t it always?

Studies show that quick bursts of stressful excitement can actually benefit our memory — perhaps because our brains evolved to rally their best resources when faced with an immediate threat such as a tiger in the grass. But long-term chronic stress, the sort that can grind into us with the constant demands of busy modern life, can damage our brain’s ability form new memories. 

The good news…

Stresses and strains aside, modern life has good news for middle-aged brains. Neuroscientists have recently begun to discover how the mid-life brain, rather than giving up, instead reconfigures itself in order to cope.

As researchers at Duke University, North Carolina, and elsewhere have found, people in middle age begin to use two sides of their brains where previously only one might have been employed on a task. This is called bilateralisation.

How to protect your memory

Fortunately, health researchers believe there are ways in which we can significantly help to preserve our memory in later life.

Brain training: Just a little daily exercise,  could reduce the risk of the decline of your mental abilities, many studies have shown

Just taking a little more daily exercise could make a huge difference for millions of people. ‘More than 13 studies show that exercise can reduce risk by up to 45 per cent,’  ‘Evidence shows that the exercise does not have to be strenuous to have this benefit: it can involve active walking for around 30 minutes a day, three times a week.

And beware any claim about how any single food can boost your memory. Only last year, an important report in the Journal of the American Medical Association punctured the idea that the herbal supplement ginkgo biloba is a brain-saver. The study of more than 3,000 adults found that it made no difference at all.
 
This I find very interesting.  No matter how good we think our powers of memory are, they can all be fooled. Because, whatever our age, memory is a slippery thing that can be grossly misleading.

Researchers who study how people remember momentous events have discovered that although people will swear faithfully that they remember exactly what they were doing when they first heard news of the event, their memory is wrong in about a third of cases.

When we use our minds to recall a particular memory, we do not go back to the event itself, but rather to the last time we remembered it. Each recollection adds new flaws and reinforces previous flaws. Eventually, we settle on a version that we subsequently consider to be gospel truth.  So be careful about what you think you remember.  Memory, — including the false elements — solidifies and becomes your person’s constant ‘truth’.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

January 14, 2012

Woman and Casual Sex

by Linda Franklin

Woman and Casual Sex - Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanWhen it comes to casual sex, are men and women really that different?  Most would argue that there is a huge difference. But, maybe there’s not.  Just maybe woman want sex as much as men do – however, they require different conditions for casual sex to be appealing.

Conservative values, and religion specifically has attempted to destroy sexual pleasure for both men and women – but it has come down hard on female pleasure. Women are whores if they are too sexual. Women are sluts if they explore their deepest sexual desires. These labels have become mental, emotional, and orgasmic prisons for many women – especially when it comes to “casual” sex.

For example, in a landmark study from the 1980’s, when random women were solicited by random men for casual sex – women turned the men down 100 percent of the time. Men on the other hand only turned down random solicitations by women 25 to 31 percent of the time. But, to be fair, the 1980’s were still the dark ages for female sexuality. It was believed that women were not naturally promiscuous. 

Psychologist Terri Conely explored this question in a groundbreaking 2011 study. She refined the question of casual sex for females by suggesting that a safe, physically attractive random lover had the potential to give her a positive sexual experience. Under these conditions, women were just as likely to accept sex with a random partner as were men.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

 

January 11, 2012

5 Top Health Worries Women Have

Five Top Health Worries For Women by Dr. Jennifer Landa The Real Cougar WomanThe modern woman has plenty to worry about – taking care of family, working hard, offering a listening ear to friends, keeping house, cooking dinner and maintaining her health. For many women, careful attention to health is often at the bottom of the list, but that doesn’t mean there are not some major health fears lurking in the back of her mind.

Women’s health is a category all on its own.  There are so many diseases and conditions specific to women that it can be hard to pacify those fears or know what to do to prevent it. So, what are the 5 top health fears of most women?

Aging. Youth has its appeal- we all know it and believe it.  Many women fear that as they age, their beauty will fade and they will melt unnoticed into the background. Although aging is inevitable, it does not have to be an abominable experience. Participating in preventive health programs to sustain your health can make age 50 more appealing than age 20 – because not only do you get to look better, you’re wiser too!

 Heart disease. This silent killer literally strikes fear in the heart of women.  Heart disease is the leading killer of men and women in the United States and, unfortunately, many are completely unaware they are at-risk until it is too late.  Regular visits to your doctor will help you keep tabs on your cardiovascular health, but equally as important is ensuring you make lifestyle choices, like routine physical activity and a heart healthy diet.

Breast cancer. This fear causes many women to avoid the doctor’s office and miss out on early detection.  Unlike ten years ago, there are lots of options for the treatment of breast cancer and many result in positive outcomes. Early detection is the key to a better prognosis with breast cancer treatment. 

Osteoporosis. Visions of becoming a hunched over old lady due to poor bone density is a valid fear.  Sixty-eight percent of American women will develop osteoporosis in their lifetime.  Prevention begins in childhood, but if you have some catching up to do, strength training, vitamin D, a healthy diet and hormone balance can ensure you salvage the current density of your bones.

Mood disorders. No woman likes to be known as the “spaz” or “super-b!@ch,” but out of whack hormones can turn even the kindest of hearts from sweet to seething in a matter of seconds. Many women live in fear that their emotions will explode at precisely the wrong moment. You can avoid toxic blow-ups by keeping tabs on your hormone levels – even if you aren’t on the brink of menopause, knowing your hormone levels now can ensure you keep them in check and make lifestyle changes to inhibit fluctuations, thus avoiding career or relationship pitfalls caused by severe moodiness. 

Fortunately, researchers and experts have studied and debated tirelessly over the last few years and now health care practitioners can confidently recommend formidable solutions, like hormone replacement therapy, to help remedy the top health fears of women.  A March 2011 review study published in the medical journal, “Menopause,” conclusively determined that hormone replacement therapy (HRT) was not only a safe and effective treatment for the symptoms of aging and menopause, but is also beneficial to a woman’s overall health as she ages.

After careful analysis of several studies over the past years, including the controversial Women’s Health Initiative (WHI), experts discovered that hormone replacement therapy began in younger women between the ages of 36 and 59, yielded a decreased risk of heart disease. Even in the eldest category of women – aged 70 to 84 – no increased risk of heart disease was discovered due to HRT. A November 2011 study also made comparisons to the WHI study and found that HRT has a positive impact on bone density. Women who discontinued use of HRT experienced bone loss equating to a 55 percent increase in risk of hip fracture.

Every woman deserves to be armed with information like this. With all the daily stresses of life, women do not need one more thing to worry about or fear, so peace of mind, especially when it comes to your health, is priceless.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

January 09, 2012

Cindy Crawford - What Have You Done?

Cindy Crawford- What Have You Done? Linda Franklin The Real Cougar WomanCindy Crawford admits she has used cosmetic enhancements. That’s unusual given the fact that she has her own skin care line called Meaningful Beauty, which brags that it’s “Cindy’s anti-aging secret”.  

There’s no way to stop the natural  aging process.  It happens to all of us and it first shows up on our faces.  The cheekbones start to drop making them look lower and flatter.  The face looks more oblong losing what the doctors call the “triangle of youth”.  And, if that’s not enough, the lips turn down at the corners, creating an inverse triangle.

Today, rather than using old face lift methods to pull the skin back and eradicate wrinkles, cosmetic surgeons found that reinstating the golden triangle is what women want.  They do that by adding fillers to the cheekbone that supposedly will bring back the illusion of youth.  

It is this kind of procedure that dermatologists are suggesting could be behind Cindy’s newly plumped-up cheekbones.  

Women all over are doing what Cindy did and they all end up looking exactly alike.  Look at the faces the next time you are with a group of women and you will immediately pick out the ones who have been injected with the lastest filler.

I don’t know about you but when I saw this picture of Cindy I didn’t recognize her.  She has such a beautiful face, why would she want to look like every other costmetic enhanced woman. 

I have no obection to wanting to look your best, just opt for the more subtle approach.  Chipmunk cheek belong on chipmunks.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

January 05, 2012

What Does Your Man Really Think Of You?

by Linda Franklin   

New Years Truth - What Men Really Think - Linda Franklin THe Real COugar Woman

Call it protecting their fannies or just good old-fashioned common sense, there are some areas of married life where honesty is most definitely not the best policy.

Apparently, a third of all men would NEVER tell their wife that she looks fat.  That’s probably a very good idea if they want to keep the peace. Give them credit for being smart enough to know that just one small comment about your weight could fire a barrage of consequences that would make him a very unhappy camper.

We all know how sensitive a topic weight is, but it’s just one of many taboo topics where men should keep their opinions to themselves.

Five very brave husbands were asked to name the major complaint they have never dared to confront their wife about.  Here’s the list, but to me it’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Bravery only goes so far. 

You Can’t Cook – You Can’t Drive – I Don’t Like Your Hair – I Don’t Like The Way You Dress, and last but certainly by no means the least – You Are Turning Into Your Mother.

Yikes, any one of these could start a battle royal, especially the one about turning into your mother.  It’s interesting though that there wasn’t one complaint about sex in the top five. I find that highly unlikely since men always seem to have major issues around their bedroom activities, or lack of them.

Now that we’ve heard from the men, let’s turn the tables.  What would you say is the top complaint you have about your mate?  It’s hard to pinpoint only one isn’t it!  Tell me what drives you crazy and I will share them in my next posting.   

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

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