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9 posts from November 2011

November 30, 2011

Faking Orgasm Doesn't Work

By Linda Franklin

Faking Orgasm Doesn't Work Linda Franklin, The Real Cougar WomanMen might find this difficult to believe, but more than half of all women have faked an orgasm, according to a study published last week.  After questioning more than 400 women they found  53.9 per cent  had pretended to reach the heights of ectasy with their partner.  Many said they did it to preserve his male ego and prevent him from straying.

So why are so many women secretly dissatisfied with their sex lives?  

If you go to bed exhausted every night or fight over the smallest things with your partner, it will definitely have an impact on your sex drive. Sex has got to be fun and when it’s not you find any reason  to pass.  A lack of libido is a common problem, with an astonishing 30  per cent of women claiming to have no sex drive at all.

The lack of libido can be caused by other factors too, including illness or a decline in hormones, which is common during peri-menopause and menopause.

‘Libido is a complex issue — it’s a mix of brain, heart and hormones.  And, many women are too embarrassed to talk about it.  

Sex is something we do need to talk about, and the best place to do that is in the doctor’s office.  Not just any doctor, but a doctor who you trust and who is compassionate to your problem.  There are many answers to a low sex drive.  Some remedies are as easy as a progesterone cream or testosterone patch.  But, you need to know what works for you.

Sexual satisfaction is too delicious to go without. Find out how you can start enjoying one of the undeniable pleasures of life.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

November 24, 2011

Balance - What's That? Women Know It's Impossible

by Linda Franklin

Busy ladyWe read all the time that to be happy we have to learn balance.  But I wonder if there is such a thing.  Believing that every day has to be the perfect blend of work, family, leisure, healthy eating & exercising can drive you nuts. We all know by now -that’s impossbile.

There are days when things kind of come together but more often it’s a hectic hodge podge of crazy.

Women always mange to pile on new things. Even when you are at the tipping point there’s always room for more. 

Me, I  just got a new puppy, and she adds at least 2 hours of STUFF  to my already hectic day.  I try to get to the gym 3x a week but that getting tougher to do.  Between work, hubbie, Lucy the puppy, friends, I am pretty tired at the end of the day. But, like every woman I know, I beat myself up for the things I haven’t done, instead of patting myself on the back for the things I have managed to accomplish.   

Perhaps this would be a more realistic definition of balance.  It’s appreciating that every day of our lives we do the best we can.  Recognizing that life’s push and pull determines our focus.  One day it’s all about work, but other days it’s about family, or just spending time  pampering yourself.  It’s important to remember we always get to choose what’s most important and what we need to do to honor our spirit.

If we recognize that balance is a constant back and forth swing, we won’t drive ourselves crazy trying to achieve perfect balance.  On any one day there is always someone or something that’s not going to need your full attention and that’s okay.  One day at a time. Phew!!! 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

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November 22, 2011

Holiday Breakups - T'is The Season

By: Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.
 
BreakupSeeing more couples breakup around the Holidays is not that uncommon.  Holidays mark the passage of time in our lives. They are defining moments of joy as well as sorrow. If we are in a marginal relationship with someone, we are inclined to start thinking, "Thanksgiving is around the corner. Christmas is next. Then there's New Year's. Do I really want to take this relationship into the next year?"
 
If you are not in a serious relationship, it is a time for thinking, "Do I really want to spend the holidays with this person I have been seeing but don't really feel all that committed to? If we spend the holidays together, will he think this is getting too serious?" Then there are other considerations: What do you spend on a gift? How much time should you spend together? Do you take him home to meet family and friends? 
 
Holidays do mean something relationship wise. They mean you are spending more time, effort, money and emotional energy with someone else. It also means introducing that person to family members and friends and being pulled aside and asked, "Is this serious between the two of you?" While you may be wondering if he is worth keeping around, he may be wondering the same about you. This sets up tension in a relationship. 
 
It may be time to evaluate your relationship and have a frank discussion about where it is, where it is going, where it is not, and what you each want to do about it. There is nothing so bad as being alone for the holidays, unless you are with someone who doesn't make you happy.
 
 The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest. 

November 17, 2011

Pretty Women Have Their Own Set Of Rules

Pretty Women Have Their Own Set Of Rules by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman  

by Linda Franklin

It's no shock that the portrayal of women in the media - young, sexy, skinny, tall - makes the rest of us feel flawed. When we look at the 40,000 or so ads that the average American is exposed to each year, it's no wonder women are feeling inadequate. The average female model weighs up to 25% less than the typical woman and maintains a weight at about 15 to 20% below what is considered healthy for her age and height. It leaves us wondering how much importance is placed on pretty in this mixed up world we live in.

Well, as it turns out, pretty counts for a lot. As much as we want to believe we are not judged on how we look, that's the very thing that opens so many doors for us. A pretty woman gets more opportunities and lots more help when she needs it. Just try getting any kind of assistance on a day when you are looking particularly frumpy - no makeup, stringy hair, sweatsuit and sneakers. If you don't believe me get all dolled and see if you are treated any differently. The more attractive version of you will always win out - it's just the way it is.

Actually, there are a whole set of different rules for the pretty woman. She can slip past velvet ropes, get preferential seating in restaurants, and even smile their way out of traffic tickets...and that's just for starters.

People assume that if a woman is attractive, she possesses other positive traits, such as kindness and intelligence," says behavioral psychologist Stephen Josephson, Ph.D., of Weill Cornell Medical College. So it's not surprising that a study conducted by Daniel Hamermesh, Ph.D., and Jeff Biddle, Ph.D., economics professors at the University of Texas and Michigan State University, respectively, revealed that "plain" people earn 1 to 15 percent less than people with average looks, who in turn earn 1 to 13 percent less than those deemed good-looking.
Job recruiters have come to learn that sending out attractive women will get a much better reaction from their clients. Whether they admit it or not, many employers feel that having pretty female employees will reflect well on their firm. And, let's face it, men want to be surrounded by pretty women.

So here's the bottom line. You can choose to fight the obvious or perhaps it would be wiser to get a few well-placed highlights and dab on a little lip gloss. This will help create an aura not only of attractiveness but also of self-confidence. When you feel good about yourself, it changes the way you carry yourself. You can noticed.
"Occasionally being pretty can backfire", says Stephen Josephson. "It's the bimbo effect. "If a beautiful woman succeeds, she often finds herself fielding insinuations that her accomplishments are based solely on her looks." And although a 2009 Journal of Applied Psychology report found that handsome people do have an edge over their less comely counterparts with regard to salaries, it turns out that intelligence trumps all.

So ladies, all is not lost - intelligence is still our most important asset. Nevertheless, I'm not ready to give up my highlights or lip gloss anytime soon.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

November 16, 2011

Heavier Women Having More Sex

by Linda Franklin

Heavier womanYes, it’s true.  A new study shows that overweight women are enjoying more sex than their thinner sisters. In fact, 92 percent of overweight women are engaging in lots more fun bedroom activities.

The research is based on data gathered on more than 7,000 women. The sexperts are suggesting that if a woman is feeling a decrease in desire she should try more erotic methods of stimulation — like reading trashy romance novels for 20 minutes, three times a week.  Oh come on, we can come up with something more exciting than that can’t we?

I think we all can agree that there is nothing sexy about housework or grocery shopping. And, if your to-do list is all you think about, you are not leaving any room for sexual fantasy. Heavier women agree that weight becomes less of an issue when you are feeling sexy and desirable.

There’s one thing we Real Cougars always have to remember.  Our weight becomes more of an issues for us than it does for the man or men in our lives.  Men love a confident woman and they love a woman with some flesh on their bones.  Who wants to snuggle up against a bag of bones?

Start appreciating your body. See yourself as a sexy woman, a woman who likes the way she looks, a women who appreciates and nurtures her sexuality and I guarantee you are going to be a lot happier in and out of the bedroom.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

November 11, 2011

Office Romances On The Rise

by Linda Franklin The Real Cougar Woman

Frustrated_Woman_LRIn our work dominated society is it any wonder that office affairs are on the rise?   According to one recent survey, one in four office workers gets romantically involved with a colleague at some point in their lives. And, listen to this, one in ten has sex somewhere in the office. But what strikes me is that while it always takes two to tango, it’s almost always the woman who ends up holding the short end of the stick.

The old double standard is alive and well in the workplace and when an office romance ends it’s the man who is able to hold onto his job. The old boys club sticks together.  So, even though it’s an outdated idea, a woman who has had an affair with a colleague is often regarded with more prejudice than the man she has been sleeping with.

Men are better at compartmentalizing their activities between wife and lover.  They can have sex for just for sex sake where women become more emotionally involved.

So, knowing all of the pitfalls that women face when embarking on an office romance, why do so many do it?  In my opinion, it’s not planned.  It starts with an infatuation and then that infatuation turns into something deeper.  And, we can’t forget the power factor.  Power is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs there is for both men and women..  A man or woman who is smart, confident and respected is a definite turn on.

Today, women are holding some pretty powerful positions, so office romances are blossoming with colleagues who are their juniors in both age and position.

Just be careful. and be smart. You’ve heard it before it’s never a good idea to play where your bread is buttered.

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

November 07, 2011

Falling In Love Again

by Linda Franklin - The Real Cougar Woman

Older_couple_kissingLisa spent 15 years alone after her husband died and thought she would never have sex again. Then, at age 71, she met a wonderful partner and has fallen madly in love again. She should be thrilled right?  She is - but the rest of the world seems less happy.

Both Lisa and her guy both have children who are having problems with their parents intimacy.  They roll their eyes when they kiss, and when Lisa tries to talk to her daughter about her new love she says she 'can’t cope'.

Why are people so hostile to older lovers? 

We’re told ‘all the world loves a lover’, but that doesn’t ring true if the courting couples are 60-plus and don’t restrict their PDAs (public displays of affection) to holding hands.

There’s a misconceived cultural prejudice which leads some people to think older people who have sex are behaving inappropriately.

It's difficult for a chid of any age to accept their mother being physically familiar.

Paul McCartney’s offspring weren’t exactly delighted by his puppyish displays of attraction (in the early days of the courtship) to Heather Mills — they felt it was disrespectful to Linda McCartney’s memory. His new bride, Nancy Shevell, has been far more diplomatic and has won the family’s approval.

Lisa's daughter reluctance to discuss your partner is, on the face of things, unfair, but not unusual. She wants you to be her mother, not a girlfriend and confidante. 

If you're lucky enough to find love, celebrate it; the point about growing older is you finally have the confidence to make bold choices.

Just remember in your bliss to be sensitive about the fact your families need time to adjust to the new landscape. When they have, I am sure they will share your joy.

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest

November 06, 2011

Real Cougar Woman Forced To Dumb Down?

by Linda Franklin - The Real Cougar Woman 
 

Smiling coupleReal Cougar Women - women who are smart, independent and successful know relationships between men and women are changing radically. And, they are finding it increasingly difficult to marry successful men to have an important relationship with.

Research is revealing that when a woman is successful she is having to 'trade down' when it comes to finding a partner.  Historically, women have looked for partners who were richer and better educated than themselves.  Now that's changing.  

As women outperform men in earnings and promotion the traditional model of the relationship between men and women is being turned on its head.

Philadelphia-based Pew Research Centre study, published in The Atlantic magazine, suggests female graduates are being put in similar situation to that faced for some time by black women.  Apparently 70 per cent of black women have no husband and there are twice as many black women as black men with university degrees.

So, where does that leave smart, educated women these days?  Confused.  What can they do?  Instead of dumbing down to find a man, look for one who loves you for who you are.  Yes, he may not be as financially successful as you are, but if he has other great qualities, and is not threatened by your powerful ways, you just might make it together.  

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

November 01, 2011

Cougar Woman's Boyfriend Wants Kids

by Linda Franklin - The Real Cougar Woman


Older_woman_younger_manI got this email from a an older woman who found herself in a relationship with a younger man.  The problem she faces is one shared by many women so I wanted to share it with my readers.  I asked her permission and she said yes.  

Hi Linda,


My name is Tara and I'm a avid reader of your blog and a member of The Real Cougar Woman Club. 


I was wondering if you could write an article or pass along some advice to me regarding my situation with dating a younger man. My experience may not be as unique as I feel it is, but I haven't been able to find anyone who has gone through a similar situation. 

I was dating a man who was thirty, I was forty seven at the time. Initially we had been friends, each in relationship with someone else.  As our friendship developed we grew closer and decided that we wanted to be together as partners. My age was never an issue for him but i struggled with it a bit, my self esteem and confidence issues surfaced but we managed. 

Not too long after we hooked up, a good friend of his passed away leaving his wife and their two young children, one being a new baby. When this happened, his desire to have a family really surfaced and it ultimately led to us parting ways. 

We were apart for about eight months although we stayed in touch as our friendship was so strong. He came back a few months ago saying that he didn't want to be without me and realized that our being together was the most important thing to him. We promised each other that we would communicate if his feelings about having kids were to surface again....and unfortunately, they did. 

We talked but really, the bottom line cant be changed. I have two children, a twenty one yr old and a sixteen yr old and I don't want to start another family. Even if I could, I'm too old to have a child and like I said, having a child again even through invitro or adoption is not an option for me. We decided to end the relationship and I've asked for no contact because being in touch only fuels the pain and heartache. 

As cut and dried as it seems, I'm having such a hard time with the loss of the relationship again. I understand it, I think it’s great that he wants a family, but my heart feels otherwise. I'm so angry at the world and myself for falling in love with someone that I can’t be with. I am everything he wants in a woman and we love each other so much. We get along famously in laughter, honesty and with a deep connection but our differences in age has brought about this painful circumstance. 

I feel so alone and I wondered if you've come across this type of issue before and if so, would you share any insight that may help me get past it. Perhaps its like any other failed relationship, only time will be the healer. I miss everything about him, I love him so much. I don't know how to move on feeling so broken hearted. I know I will survive but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Tara

Tara, I feel your pain.  It's not easy finding a man you have such a good connection with in so many areas. But, for what it's worth, I believe you did absolutely the right thing. You must listen to your gut even when the message it's sending you isn't what you want to hear.  Living a happy life is all about the choices you make.  I respect you for being upfront and honest with yourself and your boyfriend.  Telling them what they want to hear at your expense never works.  Hang in there the right man will come along.   Many younger men have the added pressure of friends and family who could be reinforcing the family issue.   Stay strong. 

 

The Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond who knows the importance of taking care of her health, beauty, relationships, finances and spirituality. Linda Franklin says,”there is no stopping a woman who has a strong belief system, passion and a dream. All things are possible”. Linda’s book, Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am helps women of all ages tap into their power and live life to the fullest.

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