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April 21, 2011

55 Years Old and Never Climaxed

Dr.Dodson and ross Betty Dodson, artist, author, and PhD sexologist has been one of the principal voices for women's sexual pleasure and health for over three decades. I love the popular blog that she and Carlin Ross have created. 

I have been working with Carlin on some of my projects and she has agreed to start blogging for The Real Cougar Woman.  You are going to love her authenticity.

Women's sexuality is something that is rarely talked about in an educational and informative way.  Either it's portrayed badly in porn, or is so vanilla, that our real concerns aren't addressed. At Dodson and Ross they tell it like it is, which is not only healing, it allows a woman's true sexuality shine through.

 Here's an example of how Dr. Betty deals with a woman 55 who never has climaxed.

I am 55 and enjoy sex very much. I can only imagine how much more I would love it if only I could orgasm - to date I have never (and I mean never) had one. The more info and sharing that goes on out there the more I've come to realize that I've never climaxed. I'm very sad to think I've missed out on such a beautiful experience, convinced that I'm simply made differently.

Sometimes I think I should just let it go. But, after having been divorced for 4 years, I've now met a man I really like so here's my chance to experience real ecstasy for the first time (masturbating does nothing for me - which is why I think my clitoris just doesn't function properly!!!). I've tried everything - creams, oils, vibrators, sex tapes, listening to Betty's videos, etc. Is there a way to tell if my body is physically incapable of pleasuring me? I don't think I have sexual hangups...I honestly don't think that anything in my past would warrant a psychotherapeutic approach. Most articles and talks I hear focus on the woman who simply has difficulty coming. What about the few of us who have NEVER come before. And it's not because I haven't had caring or adventurous partners. Should I just give up at this point?!

Dear D,

All the women I've ever seen about their lack of orgasm is usually based on childhood masturbation being forbidden or punished and never practiced as an adult. When you say, "masturbating does nothing for me - which is why I think my clitoris just doesn't function properly!!!" I believe that's why you've never had an orgasm. One other possibility since you enjoy sex with a partner, is that you have had small climaxes and are unable to recognize them due to your exaggerated notion of what an orgasm feels like, ala Hollywood or porn.

I seriously doubt that you are made differently. If you get regular Gynecological check-ups, your doctor would have noticed something strange and made some kind of a comment. Unless you can get over your dislike of masturbation and clitoral stimulation and able to experiment, there is nothing I can help you with. While some men have sufficient skills to introduce a woman to her first orgasm, this is rare. Since you enjoy sex so much, perhaps just forgetting about orgasm would make the most sense.

Dr. Betty



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It's true that trying too hard to orgasm and thinking about it too much could actually prevent orgasm, but I don't think it's appropriate to tell this woman she might as well give up.

Even though she doesn't think she has any sexual hangups, I would encourage her to seek out a professional to be sure of this. There's just some block she's not getting past, and we should encourage her on her journey towards pleasure, not simply tell her to give up. An issue like this really deserves some time and thought, not simply a few paragraphs and a suggestion to just forget it.

If I may, I'd like to suggest a book called "I Love Female Orgasm". Even as a seasoned sex toy reviewer, it's taught me a lot.

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