The Real Cougar Woman

Online Marriage Counseling - Why Not?

Does your marriage need therapy?  Think about it.  It's a tough question that Tara Parker Pope asked her readers in yesterday's New York Times. She thinks most people, would answer no but the more truthful answer would probably be yes.  I would have to agree with that.

She goes on to say that in most marriages, one or both partners resist the idea of counseling.  Only 19 percent of currently married couples have taken part in marriage counseling.  And, a recent study of divorcing couples, found that nearly two-thirds never sought counseling before deciding to end the relationship. That surprised me.  Why would you throw in the towel before  making a concerted effort to make your marriage work?  Of course, if there's abuse involved just get out and get out fast.

“It seems like we’re even more resistant to thinking about getting help for our relationship than we are for depression or anxiety,” said Brian D. Doss, an assistant psychology professor at the University of Miami. Marriage counseling does not always work, of course — perhaps because it is so often delayed past the point of no return. One recent study of two types of therapy found that only about half the couples reported long-lasting improvements in their marriages.

Tara goes on to report  that researchers have begun looking for ways (some of them online) to reach couples before a marriage goes off the rails. “Not surprisingly, some therapists are creating online self-help programs to reach couples before serious problems set in. Dr. Doss and Andrew Christensen, a psychology professor at the University of California, Los Angeles, are recruiting couples at www.OurRelationship.com to study such a program.

The hope is that an online program could reach couples sooner, and also offer booster sessions to improve results. Even so, Dr. Christensen notes that the disadvantage of online therapy is that it won’t give couples a third party to referee their discussion.  Yes, that could be dangerous couldn't it?  We all need at referee at times.

Researchers at Brigham Young University offer an extensive online marital assessment, called Relate, for couples and individuals. The detailed questionnaire, at www.relate-institute.org, takes about 35 minutes to complete and generates a lengthy report with color-coded graphs depicting a couple’s communication and conflict style, how much effort each partner puts into the relationship, and other things. The fee is $20 to $40.”

I don't have to tell you that marriage is tough and requires constant work.  For more information read Tara's article in its entirety - just click here.

Fountain of Youth - May Not Be A Fantasy!!!

I haven't met too many people over 40 who can honesty say that aging is something they are looking forward to.   In fact, the subject of immortality has always been one of great fascination.  The resurgence of "vampire mania" only proves that point. Good vampire - bad vampire who cares as long as we get to live forever.  Human beings fear death. so anything that allows us to fantasize of everlasting life is always embraced.

But, what if this fantasy was starting to look not only like a possibility, but more like a probability? What then?    

A new movie called 'To Age or Not To Age' offers up the idea that we as human beings could live 20% to 40% longer, and that 120-year-old people could be able to look, feel, and move around like a 60-year-old does today. If true, it could be one of the most amazing scientific discoveries ever made; even being called the most important since that of DNA itself.

The documentary comes from filmmaker Robert Kane Pappas, who talks to many different doctors and scientists, some of whom quite a few years ago accidentally (that’s how all of the great discoveries start) stumbled upon interesting traits in the life span of yeast organisms after some were left in a freezer for an extended amount of time. In years of research since then, they’ve discovered something incredible: that aging as we know it is not necessary.

Over the course of the film, we'll hear some of the most brilliant minds researching this medical miracle right this very moment. There’s even companies who have developed a drug that affects genes like the SI-RT-1 gene, which studies have shows prolongs life.  Not only has a drug been developed, but many scientists are already taking it — that’s how much faith they have in this discovery. Unfortunately for us, “aging” is not technically a disease, so it’s thought that this will never be approved by the FDA — another topic that’s discussed in the documentary.

To Age or Not To Age is an incredible documentary to watch, and everyone should really see for themselves.  We are living in an incredible age of discovery.

Real Cougars Pay Attention To Their Hormones

Aging is a subject that's near, but maybe not so dear, to our hearts. Women over 40 know firsthand that when our hormones start to go crazy it affects everything in our lives.  Our weight, our memory, our sex lives, our stress levels, our skin, our bones all suffer. Medical researcher Daniel Rudmen M.D. says "we age because of hormonal decline but hormones don't necessarily decline because we age. Our true physiological age is determined not by our calendar years, but our hormone levels. 

I agree with Dr. Rudmen on the important role hormones play. I have been using natural bioidentical hormone therapy for years, and plan to stay with it.  It's not just to tame the menopausal symptoms, it's to keep my body strong enough to combat the degenerative diseases of aging.

Before I made the decision to use bioidenticals I had to ask myself an important question. That question was - as I age am I losing hormones that are keeping me healthy, and if I am why wouldn't I want to replace them?  And, by replace I mean, replace with what my body needs now not what it needed at 25.  I spent years doing research on the pros and cons of this therapy, and so far, I still believe the benefits far outweigh the risks.

We know now that healthy aging has many different pieces that have to fit, much like a jigsaw puzzle. I am suggesting that hormones are an important piece of that puzzle so don't take them for granted.  You will be much happier and so will the man in your life.

Aging is a subject that's near, but maybe not so dear, to our hearts. Women over 40 know firsthand that when our hormones start to go crazy it affects everything in our lives.  Our weight, our memory, our sex lives, our stress levels, our skin, our bones all suffer. Medical researcher Daniel Rudmen M.D. says "we age because of hormonal decline but hormones don't necessarily decline because we age. Our true physiological age is determined not by our calendar years, but our hormone levels. 

I agree with Dr. Rudmen on the important role hormones play. I have been using natural bioidentical hormone therapy for years, and plan to stay with it.  It's not just to tame the menopausal symptoms, it's to keep my body strong enough to combat the degenerative diseases of aging.

Before I made the decision to use bioidenticals I had to ask myself an important question. That question was - as I age am I losing hormones that are keeping me healthy, and if I am why wouldn't I want to replace them?  And, by replace I mean, replace with what my body needs now not what it needed at 25.  I spent years doing research on the pros and cons of this therapy, and so far, I still believe the benefits far outweigh the risks.

We know now that healthy aging has many different pieces that have to fit, much like a jigsaw puzzle. I am suggesting that hormones are an important piece of that puzzle so don't take them for granted.  You will be much happier and so will the man in your life.

Hot Sex After 45? It's Up To You!

The party line seems to be that by the age of 45, your days of explosive passion are long gone.  That making love is a rare occurrence and that most women would rather get a good nights sleep than have sex.

One in three adults who took part in a survey admitted they had cut short a sex session because they were too exhausted to carry on and at 45, making love is a strictly lights-off-in-the-bedroom affair.

The average 45-year-old makes love once a week and is lucky if the entire experience lasts longer than 22 minutes. And, sex is restricted to the bedroom for 85 per cent of older couples, while 64 per cent only ever cuddle up to their partner if the lights are off.

Personally, I think women over 45 have been brainwashed by society.  We are led to believe that as we approach menopause we lose our sexy.  Beware!! - if you start to believe that the sexy switch is turned off.  Instead of feeling beautiful we focus on the sags and wrinkles and find it hard to believe that anybody will find us sexually arousing.  Do you see where the bad thinking can lead us?

So what can you do to break the pattern and pump up your sex life after 45?  First of all, always remember that sex starts in the brain, so stop telling yourself you are old and that sex is not important. Sex is very important and for you my dear, it's the beginning of new and exciting era. It's a time in your life when you are more desirable and more delicious than ever before. You have experience, you have confidence and you're not embarrassed to ask for what you want.  Stop worrying about that extra 10 pounds because it's not going to bother the lucky man that reaps the benefits of that  fabulous and new sexy lady that is about to emerge.

If you need a little help in getting your juices flowing, go to your doctor and check out your hormones, read a steamy novel and watch a couple of really sexy movies.  I think that will do the trick.  

Cougars May be Obsessive - But That's A Good Thing

I'm obsessive - I admit it.  I'm obsessed by the work I am doing now, which I consider to be a good obsession. But, I am also obsessed with neatness and order, which isn't so good.  When I get home from a vacation dog tired, I must unpack before I let myself sit down and relax.

Obsession doesn't necessarily conjure up a good image, but maybe it's getting a bum rap.  In fact, now some psychologists are  saying that "productive obsessing" can give meaning to life.  And, without our emotional crutches, many of us would become emotional wrecks. 

It has even been said that every obsession is, at its core, a coping strategy for fending off anxiety. But now with the new term "productive obsessing" or  immersing yourself wholeheartedly in a project, it is not only an antidote to boredom and passivity, but also the recipe to a successful and meaningful life.

We all want to think that our lives have meaning.  You don't want to look into the mirror and see yourself as a person who might have done something great, but didn't. 'To lead a life that makes you proud, you need to get obsessed about something.  Don't you agree?

Despite the negative associations of obsessions,  having a "productive obsession" appears to be a key ingredient in enjoying a happy and satisfying life. Just keep it in check so you don't become controlling and inflexible. Make sure that whatever you are obsessing about at is authentically motivated by love, interest and desire. 

Cougars Know Pretty Women Have Their Own Set Of Rules

It's no shock that the portrayal of women in the media - young, sexy, skinny, tall - makes the rest of us feel flawed. When we look at the 40,000 or so ads that the average American is exposed to each year, it's no wonder women are feeling inadequate. The average female model weighs up to 25% less than the typical woman and maintains a weight at about 15 to 20% below what is considered healthy for her age and height. It leaves us wondering how much importance is placed on pretty in this mixed up world we live in.

Well, as it turns out, pretty counts for a lot. As much as we want to believe we are not judged on how we look, that's the very thing that opens so many doors for us. A pretty woman gets more opportunities and lots more help when she needs it. Just try getting any kind of assistance on a day when you are looking particularly frumpy - no makeup, stringy hair, sweatsuit and sneakers. If you don't believe me get all dolled and see if you are treated any differently. The more attractive version of you will always win out - it's just the way it is.

Actually, there are a whole set of different rules for the pretty woman. She can slip past velvet ropes, get preferential seating in restaurants, and even smile their way out of traffic tickets...and that's just for starters.

People assume that if a woman is attractive, she possesses other positive traits, such as kindness and intelligence," says behavioral psychologist Stephen Josephson, Ph.D., of Weill Cornell Medical College. So it's not surprising that a study conducted by Daniel Hamermesh, Ph.D., and Jeff Biddle, Ph.D., economics professors at the University of Texas and Michigan State University, respectively, revealed that "plain" people earn 1 to 15 percent less than people with average looks, who in turn earn 1 to 13 percent less than those deemed good-looking. Job recruiters have come to learn that sending out attractive women will get a much better reaction from their clients. Whether they admit it or not, many employers feel that having pretty female employees will reflect well on their firm. And, let's face it, men want to be surrounded by pretty women.

So here's the bottom line. You can choose to fight the obvious or perhaps it would be wiser to get a few well-placed highlights and dab on a little lip gloss. This will help create an aura not only of attractiveness but also of self-confidence. When you feel good about yourself, it changes the way you carry yourself. You can noticed. "Occasionally being pretty can backfire", says Stephen Josephson. "It's the bimbo effect. "If a beautiful woman succeeds, she often finds herself fielding insinuations that her accomplishments are based solely on her looks." And although a 2009 Journal of Applied Psychology report found that handsome people do have an edge over their less comely counterparts with regard to salaries, it turns out that intelligence trumps all.

So ladies, all is not lost - intelligence is still our most important asset. Nevertheless, I'm not ready to give up my highlights or lip gloss anytime soon.

Sexy Lady - You Still Have What It Takes!

Have you ever walked down the street and wondered if you still have what it takes to turn a head or two?  I know I have.  Sometimes I wonder just how a younger man sees me.  By younger I don't mean jail bait but someone 10 years younger.  In his eyes am I still sexy or is he thinking I'm over the hill? I know, I know,  it only matters how you see yourself, but I'll bet you would be curious to know if some cute guy thinks your smokin' hot.

I believe it's important to look as vibrant as you can at any age. No, that doesn't mean doing whatever you can to recapture your youth.  It means just being a cool and up-to-date version of the woman you have become.

Too often, after you reach a certain age, both men and women think it's okay to let themselves go and that's not good.  The other day I was talking to a man at a friend's birthday party. He was there with his wife and I guess both were in the mid 60's.  He told me that sometimes when he looks over at his wife he doesn't recognize her.  He said, "it's like sleeping with a stranger. In his eyes she has lost her youth, her energy, and her sex appeal.  He didn't say it, but I'd guess, that makes him feel old too.  He'll probably never tell her what he told me, but our conversation made a lasting impression on me.

I believe it's easy to maintain our sexiness as we mature.  It's a choice like everything else.  There are so many things we can do to look great and feel great.  I don't have to tell you that sexy starts in your brain and then travels down to all the right places.  It's an attitude!

Just for fun, the next time you walk down the street, stand up straight, hold your head up high, stick out your chest and strut your stuff.  Show the world the sexy, the cool, Real Cougar Woman that you are.

Have you ever walked down the street and wondered if you still have what it takes to turn a head or two?  I know I have.  Sometimes I wonder just how a younger man sees me.  By younger I don't mean jail bait but someone 10 years younger.  In his eyes am I still sexy or is he thinking I'm over the hill? I know, I know,  it only matters how you see yourself, but I'll bet you would be curious to know if some cute guy thinks your smokin' hot.

I believe it's important to look as vibrant as you can at any age. No, that doesn't mean doing whatever you can to recapture your youth.  It means just being a cool and up-to-date version of the woman you have become.

Too often, after you reach a certain age, both men and women think it's okay to let themselves go and that's not good.  The other day I was talking to a man at a friend's birthday party. He was there with his wife and I guess both were in the mid 60's.  He told me that sometimes when he looks over at his wife he doesn't recognize her.  He said, "it's like sleeping with a stranger. In his eyes she has lost her youth, her energy, and her sex appeal.  He didn't say it, but I'd guess, that makes him feel old too.  He'll probably never tell her what he told me, but our conversation made a lasting impression on me.

I believe it's easy to maintain our sexiness as we mature.  It's a choice like everything else.  There are so many things we can do to look great and feel great.  I don't have to tell you that sexy starts in your brain and then travels down to all the right places.  It's an attitude!

Just for fun, the next time you walk down the street, stand up straight, hold your head up high, stick out your chest and strut your stuff.  Show the world the sexy, the cool, Real Cougar Woman that you are.

Cougars Are The Role Model For Financial Freedom

Did you know that 31% of women today would rather clean their bathrooms than plan for their financial future?  That's pretty discouraging  and just plain dumb don't you think?

The alarm bell is sounding, but apparently not too many women are listening.  To remain the independent souls we cherish so much we need a steady income stream.  To make that happen we have to take care of business.

Gone are the days when you could hand over all the money concerns to the man in your life.  Today, it's your responsibility to take care of yourself and your future.  The one thing I know for sure is that when you feel comfortable with your finances it enables you to make very different decisions.  Decisions that will ultimately determine the level of your happiness. 

A Real Cougar Woman is not one who prowls after younger men that's so ridiculous.  She is a fabulous female who is financially independent and knows the importance of being self sufficient.

I feel so strongly about women embracing their financial freedom that I am making arrangements with an experienced financial expert to teach and write on this blog.  She wants to share with you how not to be afraid of money and she does that in a way you are sure to easily understand.  No mumbo jumbo just the essentials that you need.  We are both very excited for the opportunity to help you start establishing your own financial freedom plan. 

Menopause - Will Your Marriage Survive It?

Marriage and Menopause - those are two things that are more than challenging for any woman.  That's why I have asked Staness Jonekas author of The Menopause Makeover to write this guest blog.  Staness is an expert on the subject of menopause, as well as an advocate for women's health.  You can find out more information about Staness by visiting her website. 

 

Make no mistake  Real Cougars, menopause can and does affect your marriage.  The big question is will yours survive it?  I highly recommend that you pay attention to what Staness has to say on the subject.  

 

Over 60 percent of divorces are initiated by women in their 40s, 50s or 60s -- the menopause years -- according to a recent survey conducted by AARP Magazine. Why are women running away from marriage?

 

Experts say the number one reason for divorce is lack of communication. Navigating a course in uncharted territory can test any relationship emotionally and sexually. It can also bring a couple closer.

 

Menopause is a life transition that can affect you physically and emotionally. Your body is experiencing fluctuating hormones that can cause hot flashes, night sweats, itchy skin, migraine headaches, breast tenderness, vaginal dryness and irregular periods. Eighty percent of women will experience uncomfortable symptoms, and the majority struggle with midlife weight gain.

 

Many women feel unattractive going through so many uninvited changes. Some suffer from exhaustion, depression and moodiness leaving them feeling isolated and confused.

Fluctuating hormones may contribute to a lack of communication and interest in sex.

Dr. Wendy Klein, co-author of The Menopause Makeoverand leading menopause expert says, "If a woman is taking medications, such as antidepressants, mood stabilizers, contraceptive drugs, antihistamines, sedatives, antihypertensives and/or medications for blood pressure, this can decrease sexual desire."

 

Midlife stresses brought on by career change, the loss of a loved one, empty nest syndrome or caring for elderly parents can contribute to a declining libido. Throw in aging issues and the last thing on a menopausal woman's mind is communicating. This woman is in self-survival mode, and may be in no mood to connect with her partner or make whoopi.

If she is in an unsupported relationship while managing this collection of changes, leaving the marriage may appear like her only salvation. Success depends on going through this transition as a team! Both partners must contribute to have a successful marriage.

 

Real Cougar Menopause Survival Tips

 

1. Take care of you. Track menopause symptoms and discuss treatment options with your healthcare provider.

2. Make a commitment to a healthy lifestyle. Exercise most days of the week. Eat nutritious meals. Watch portions.

3. Update your beauty regimen. Exfoliate weekly.  Moisturize and apply sunscreen daily.

4. Build a support group.

5. Communicate with your partner. Don't shut him (or her) out - let him know what you need. Understand he may be confused by your changes.

6. If you are not happy in your current relationship, discuss counseling.

7. Be receptive to creative adjustments in lovemaking activities.

8. If your libido is low and/or you are suffering from vaginal dryness, discuss your treatment options with your healthcare practitioner. There are hormone and non-hormone options available.

9. Pamper yourself.

10. Try to stay positive.

Communicate, support each other's needs, get counseling if needed, add romance, adjust lovemaking activities, and you increase the odds for your marriage surviving menopause.


Cougar's Testosterone Levels Affect Who They Trust

We all know how important trust is.  Without that important ingredient relationships fall apart pretty quickly.  Well, now it appears that our testosterone levels directly influence the levels of that all-important trust factor. I never knew that before.  I thought that marvelous male hormone controlled only our sex drive and sometime our overly aggressive behavior.

Our trust levels are apparently mediated by a brain hormone known as oxytocin. Too much of it and our levels soar.  But now  researchers at Utrecht University in Holland have found an antidote for trust and it's testosterone.

They gave young women a dose of the hormone in the form of a drop of liquid placed under the tongue, then asked them to judge the trustworthiness of a series of men’s faces shown in photographs. The women were significantly less inclined to trust a face when given testosterone than when they had taken a placebo.  They concluded that "testosterone decreases interpersonal trust.

To check out the rest of these findings. read the story in yesterday's New York Times.  

Women are always faced with new challenges.  Now we can add this one to the list.  At the moment when we are most turned on - we are least likely to trust the person who is making that happen.